REHOBOTH BEACH, Del. — Local 34-year-old Amy Mangold recently binge-watched several old episodes of “MTV Cribs” as a way to live vicariously through someone who actually owns their home, sources who preferred to do that with “House Hunters” confirmed.
“I’m even getting emotional every time one of these celebrities gestures towards their bedroom and says ‘this is where the magic happens,’” said Mangold before receiving a Zillow notification about an available 540 square foot “fixer upper” in her area for $750,000. “You know, I could really picture myself in 50 Cent’s 35-bathroom mansion or Richard Brandon’s 74-acre private island home. Hell, I’d even take an afternoon in Tony Hawk’s hammock in his outdoor oasis at this point. Anything to get me out of this apartment I rent with seven other people. Feels like I’ll never be able to own property, let alone one with a jacuzzi right in the middle of the living room like Lil Wayne’s.”
MTV executive Ronald Livingstone didn’t realize the impact the show had on millennials in particular.
“We receive an enormous amount of criticism for promoting unattainable housing standards,” said Livingstone. “But let’s be honest, just because we showcased dozens of successful musicians flaunting their riches with zero humility doesn’t mean we don’t care about the housing market. If anything, it sounds like it’s the Millennials’ fault for not buying property when they were dirt cheap in the ‘80s and ‘90s, like the rest of us did. You snooze, you lose.”
Housing expert Lily Beachsty painted a bleak picture of the current hyper-luxury real estate market.
“It’s getting harder and harder for first-time homebuyers to afford houses, especially ones that have showers that can hold two-dozen people or come with a built-in high-end sneaker collection,” said Beachsty. “Back in the early 2000s, you only needed one smash hit in order to afford the mansion of your dreams. Today, that number is around seven or eight, just to afford a basic roof over your head. Millennial and Gen Z musicians most certainly have it harder than ever. Worse yet, Boomers didn’t even need any hit singles whatsoever to afford housing, as they were basically giving away homes, buildings, and various types of structures back then. Times have certainly changed.”
At press time, Mangold caught herself watching episodes of “Pimp My Ride” as she rode the bus to work in an effort to live vicariously through someone who owned a vehicle.
