Alright, let’s get right to it. You know the rumor we’ve heard since the playgrounds at catholic school— I call it the ‘Marilyn Manson.” “If…
Lemme introduce you to this week’s asshole: Davis Benton of Pasadena, California. What makes him an asshole, you ask? This douche actually thought his healthcare…
LOS ANGELES — Former Blink 182 member Matt Skiba frantically searched “how to play drums” upon news that Travis Barker’s hand surgery would postpone the…
LOS ANGELES — Rancid frontman Tim Armstrong recently underwent elective surgery to remove several ribs that long prevented him from reaching the knobs on his…
I know that this is an emergency situation and we here at Sacred Heart Hospital are bound by the Hippocratic Oath to do everything we…
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — A team of doctors at Barnes Hospital completed an unprecedented surgery when they successfully removed a pair of wraparound sunglasses from…
VARESE, Italy — Macy Ridge, lead singer of Baltimore punk band Forced Circumcision, embarked on her first solo tour of Europe to get free medical…
LINCOLN, Neb. — A local woman was seen performing life-sustaining measures on her Marlboro Menthol cigarette after finding it barely clinging to life at the…
BALTIMORE — Surgeons at Johns Hopkins Medical Center recently performed the first successful procedure to physiologically affix classic rock fan Denny Clainsborough’s girlfriend, Jill, atop…
Declawing an animal is a barbaric and sadistic practice and mainstream society is finally starting to take notice. Some states, including Jersey, have even gone…
CHICAGO — Fast food behemoth McDonald’s announced today that they will remove the McRib from their menu worldwide to enable mascot Ronald McDonald to effectively…
QUINCY, Mass. — Local 30-year-old Danny Sullivan went under the knife this morning for a dangerous operation to remove the seemingly permanent scally cap from…
NEW YORK — Ofc. Peter McKenzie of the NYPD underwent a controversial and dangerous surgery last week to alleviate stress on his abdomen during his…
DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons, is actually a “total pussy”…
MADRID — Valeria Lopez, the oldest millennial in the world, died late last night at the age of 39 following complications from a recent surgery,…