ST. LOUIS, Mo. — A team of doctors at Barnes Hospital completed an unprecedented surgery when they successfully removed a pair of wraparound sunglasses from…
VARESE, Italy — Macy Ridge, lead singer of Baltimore punk band Forced Circumcision, embarked on her first solo tour of Europe to get free medical…
LINCOLN, Neb. — A local woman was seen performing life-sustaining measures on her Marlboro Menthol cigarette after finding it barely clinging to life at the…
BALTIMORE — Surgeons at Johns Hopkins Medical Center recently performed the first successful procedure to physiologically affix classic rock fan Denny Clainsborough’s girlfriend, Jill, atop…
Declawing an animal is a barbaric and sadistic practice and mainstream society is finally starting to take notice. Some states, including Jersey, have even gone…
CHICAGO — Fast food behemoth McDonald’s announced today that they will remove the McRib from their menu worldwide to enable mascot Ronald McDonald to effectively…
QUINCY, Mass. — Local 30-year-old Danny Sullivan went under the knife this morning for a dangerous operation to remove the seemingly permanent scally cap from…
NEW YORK — Ofc. Peter McKenzie of the NYPD underwent a controversial and dangerous surgery last week to alleviate stress on his abdomen during his…
DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons, is actually a “total pussy”…
MADRID — Valeria Lopez, the oldest millennial in the world, died late last night at the age of 39 following complications from a recent surgery,…
LOS ANGELES — Singer/songwriter and self-proclaimed “antichrist” Marilyn Manson is in stable condition today recovering from spinal removal surgery that will enable him to lick…
LOS ANGELES — Surgeons at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center completed an experimental procedure this morning, adding extra ribs to Morrissey’s aging body to prevent him…
CLEVELAND — Doctors at the Cleveland Clinic successfully performed a high-risk, experimental procedure on Thursday, surgically removing the song “Ride” by Twenty One Pilots from…
MIAMI — After a successful cosmetic skin removal surgery, Iggy Pop, the hard-rocking godfather of punk music, announced he plans to auction off large swaths of excess…
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – Industrial rock legend Marilyn Manson had a previously removed pair of his ribs successfully reattached late last night in an unprecedented medical…