WINDSOR, Conn — Local terrible cousin Terry Reynolds made everyone uncomfortable at his family’s annual Memorial Day BBQ by loudly declaring that “Woke is dead!”…
BIRMINGHAM, England — A large number of the attendees of Black Sabbath’s upcoming reunion show at Villa Park announced their plans to yell “Crazy Train”…
CHICAGO — Teenager Liam Mason is desperately holding out hope that Riot Fest’s mystery lineup will include a reunion of his bitterly divorced parents, sympathetic…
Winter is coming back to Michigan. The stench of the dogfood factory won’t leave your clothes. But at least Oasis is back together! Time to…
LOS ANGELES — Citing the ever-increasing reality of their impending mortality, members of the iconic punk band Broken Tongue announced the original line-up was getting…
HAZLETON, Penn. — An outraged atheist berated a fellow customer in a local record shop upon overhearing a discussion that dormant hardcore act Title Fight…
SACRAMENTO, Calif — Several Attendees of the Montgomery High School Class of ‘03 Reunion were left baffled when the night suddenly turned into a collection…
SMYRNA, Del. — High school metal band Drunk Blacksmith made an adolescent pact that if when they’re all “as old and unappealing as stale dogshit”…
Title Fight remains the only good thing to come out of Pennsylvania. They also remain hardcore’s gold-star ghosters for being on unofficial hiatus since 2018,…
It finally happened, your beloved Grandfather passed away. He will be remembered for complaining about how nobody wants to work these days, how he put…
MANCHESTER, England — An Oasis 2024 Reunion Tour is currently in the works after Noel Gallagher finally sent a Venmo payment to his brother Liam…
LOS ANGELES — Thrash metal legend and rhythm guitarist for Metallica Kirk Hammett admitted he has serious doubts that he’ll ever be able to rejoin…
Proto-emo indie rock group Death Cab for Cutie has been in the back pocket of sad kids across the world since their debut in 1998,…
LOS ANGELES — Former Blink 182 member Matt Skiba frantically searched “how to play drums” upon news that Travis Barker’s hand surgery would postpone the…
WORCESTER, Mass. – Local graphic designer Jamie O’Connor, is reportedly saving a new file as “Bane Flyer FINAL FINAL.psd” and sending it to the members…