So you’re fighting with your partner again. They call you a narcissist but even though you’re the farthest thing from it–It’s not your fault you’re the coolest, hottest, guy to ever exist. Her comment is sticking in your mind, so here are the best Chris Farren songs to listen to while convincing yourself she’s wrong as usual.
“Don’t Be Cruel”
Picking this song shows that you’re there for your partner. You acknowledge their pain and don’t invalidate their emotions. Giving them support and space to experience self-doubt without making it about yourself is one of the least narcissistic things you could do.
“Can’t Die”
The grandiose idea of being above the inevitability of death will never steer you further away from narcissism. Did you pick this on accident? Despite the clear conflicting thoughts about Chris’s self-worth in this song, we know you skipped it after getting to the lyric “I Can’t Die.” Can’t take any risks of believing that here.
“Human Being”
It’s one of Chris Farren’s biggest songs so it’s a pretty obvious choice. It lets everyone else know that you may hold yourself a bit higher than them–But at least you want to feel human! Just like them! You want to relate but can’t and definitely won’t take it personally when people roll their eyes at you for this.
“I Was Amazing”
A down-to-earth song powered by an incredibly punchy drum machine–This song is the definition of punching up. You’re off your pedestal and can acknowledge the faults that make you less than “amazing.” However, you’re getting caught up with only yourself. It’s okay, you’ve still got time to improve.
“My Beauty”
Have we mentioned yet how Chris Farren is the most beautiful and talented musician alive? As the winner of this self-proclaimed award, it’s important to acknowledge the impermanence of this beauty. It keeps him humble. Being able to acknowledge that your beauty will one day fade away means you’re not a narcissist. Or at least a complete one. Yet.
“Like a Gift from God or Whatever” (feat. Jenny Owen Youngs)
The only God a real narcissist considers is themselves. This is a great pick for when you’re looking for praise from your friends for being brave enough to spend Christmas Eve alone. With the lyric, ‘Every Christmas Eve, Under the tree I hope you think of me,’ it’s hard not to feel like the bigger person for still thinking about your ex. Even if it is because last year you forgot to get your girlfriend a gift and blamed her.
“Chris Farren Noir”
Naming a song after yourself isn’t narcissistic if you’re writing a genre-defying, life-changing instrumental for a fictional spy movie where you play the lead. Chris has done no wrong here. Similar to how it’s okay to ruin your girlfriend’s birthday by slashing her tires for saying maybe you shouldn’t start a podcast.
“To Insecurity & Beyond”
A real middle-of-the-narcissism-road song here. Chris calls himself the “Champion of Giving Up” here. Nothing screams narcissism more than expecting pity from others for your own failures. However, if you’re gonna fail you’re gonna be the best at it. This would be higher on the list if not for Chris acknowledging his own insecurity in the song title.
“Say U Want Me”
“I need you most when you’re not around me” and “I wanna be your everything” are both part of a killer Chris Farren hook. They’re also both statements made by someone trying to play the victim. Which you are, but not in an unjustified way. If your partner wouldn’t be so difficult, then you wouldn’t have to plead with her so much.
“Surrender”
If you think listening to this song makes you less of a narcissist, you’re much further gone than you think. Just like how Chris’ (ex?) girlfriend in this song has driven farther away than believed to get away from him. You’ll be okay though, there’s nothing some love-bombing lyrics can’t fix.
“Love Theme from ‘Born Hot’”
Looking for a song for when you’re begging your partner to stay in love with you? This is the one! With a hook stating “Baby, let’s stay in love,” why would you bother to look any further! Send this to your partner when she still hasn’t forgiven you for punching her grandfather at a funeral, she should be over that by now.
“Everything’s My Fault”
Ah, yes. Your ex is blaming you for their heartbreak. Have they even considered how hard your life is? You’re perfect but it’s not enough for them. At least Chris gets it–You don’t need your relationship when you have this song. Backed by his beautiful vocals, Farren has written the perfect anthem for beautifully talented guys like you.
“Only U”
The phrase “Only you can get me through this life” is not the best one if you’re trying to convince someone you’re not totally self-absorbed. Especially if it’s while convincing them to skip their important work dinner to watch you drunkenly fail to FC any song on “Guitar Hero 2” all night. God, you do this every night and still can’t even get “Heart Shaped Box.” Let her go!
“Statue Song”
Feeling like a spectacle and wishing to be smaller is to be expected when you’re someone like Chris. If you pick this song, you can probably relate to being so much more talented and attractive than your adoring peers. Maybe this will show all the average Jo’s in your life just how difficult it is to be the greatest person alive.
“Death Don’t Wait (Main Title)” (feat. Laura Stevenson)
Everybody’s searching for you for every hour of their day. Even if for Chris’s spy character it’s because they’re trying to kill him, your stakes are just as high. Has Chris ever tried to hide in the bathroom at work because he didn’t prepare anything for the meeting? Maybe if he spent a day in his shoes he’d realize the fate you’ll meet is much worse than his.
You probably never knew that this LP existed, but your life will never be the same after listening front-to-back to this Festivus-themed entry of eleven original holiday tunes known as “December’s Here.” It’s a solid group of new sing-a-longs, and will likely induce smiles from even the bitterest of bitter bitters. And it’s still better than listening to the “Charlie Brown Christmas” album for the 400th time. Mix it up a little, your Christmas soundtrack is so boring.
We have a feeling that this one is going to be the first entry that causes an influx of truck stop blues for your lack of hearts. Don’t listen to your friends if they disapprove, as this album is a disjointed and overall inconsistent follow-up to another album that we also ranked incorrectly much later on. Still, its first three tracks are solid form and classic NFG that could’ve been a perfect three-song EP called “Right Don’t Listen” that would’ve infected your ears almost as much as The Get-Up Kids’ “Woodson” EP.
Despite its album title being unquestionably the band’s worst, the actual record itself is the band’s most superior non-acoustic LP this decade. However, it just has just too many songs, and sometimes more is less. Still, it’s really, really rad that the incredible Steve Evetts produced “Forever + Ever x Infinity. For those of you not in the know, Mr. Evetts was the sugar-coated vandal behind the boards for two slick, smooth, and incredible LPs from last century: Saves the Day’s “Through Being Cool” and The Dillinger Escape Plan’s “Calculating Infinity.” Two albums that sound nearly identical.
On a serious note, Chad Gilbert went through a rough patch in 2021 with a scary cancer diagnosis, but thankfully he lived to tell its tale. 2023’s “Make The Most Of It” is an acoustic album that at points hearkens to the aforementioned precursor to “Not Without A Fight,” and it rocks just about as hard as acoustic guitars can. Like entry number twelve, you’re likely hearing about this one for the first time because of this article (we know how easy it is to stop listening to new music once you turn 30), but we implore you to tune into it with an open mind that you likely don’t have.
Why did this one get so much public/private hate and an overall bucket of general indifference? We simply don’t know, but we also sadly do. Taking risks can be a good thing, and 2017’s “Makes Me Sick” should be absorbed with an 80s-influence/keytar/smiley/Tommy Bahama-esque album cover lens. At ten songs, it is short, sweet, succinct, smart, and catchy as excess skin on barbed wire. Which is something we know about from experience after getting our car stuck in a tow yard. The street signs were confusing, it was unfair.
It’s cool that NFG followed up this Ramones-esque LP known as “Radiosurgery” with an actual Ramones cover EP called “Mania.” Fun fact: Both “Ramones” and “Radiosurgery” start with “R and A,” but “Rockaway Beach” and “Rock ‘n’ Roll High School” start with “R and O”; the jury is still out as to whether Rheumatoid arthritis is worse than a Queens boardwalk, but we digress. Anyway, chances are you didn’t give this record much of a chance because your music tastes were “maturing” and you bought your first Townes Van Zandt record in 2011 and disavowed all bands you previously loved.
The songs on “Resurrection” are more biting than many of NFG’s previous works, and the guitar riffs are powerful throughout, especially in its opening track “Selfless.” Chad Gilbert shines as the band’s lone guitarist on this LP, and we are not going to make any low hanging fruit jokes about what led him to that point, as we have standards, practices, and a combination of a persistent conscience and a less selfish attitude than you might think. Please check out 2015’s “Resurrection: Ascension,” the deluxe version of this LP as well for more features than you can shake several sticks at!
Overly whiny to some, but aggressive and angry to all, 2004’s “Catalyst” is one of Chad Gilbert’s least favorite NFG LPs. However, we would like to contradict his opinion, and we truly still want it around. Still, we assume that this specific ranking will end in tragedy on our end, so please don’t hurt us. This is the album that hardcore allowed hardcore kids to finally admit they like New Found Glory. You might remember going to an NFG show at this time and getting crowdkilled by a hefty dude in a mosh cap and thinking “Dear lord, please stop punching me I’m just kid.”
The band’s last major label LP, “Coming Home,” is a grower, not a show-er, and is too good to be dismissed. It’s also the band’s final Drive-Thru Records studio non-cover release, and while the record doesn’t sound like NFG in the best way ever, it still showcased some familiar and unfamiliar landscapes from hard and easycore svengali Chad Gilbert. We wish that this slower jam of an album moved way more units when it initially was released, but we’re glad that it eventually connected with many, and found a home to come in and into with both hardcore and casual NFG fans.
In your poorly written EULOGY at Congregation Beth lsrael whilst angrily staring at our closed casket two days after you effectively hired a hitman to murder us for this specific bronze medal ranking, you referenced the fact that this lone-’90s (A) New Found Glory release (which is apparently Chad Gilbert’s favorite New Found Glory LP according to his own rankings published on some no-name music site that shall not be named) should have been at the golden medal spot here. Anyway, this album should remind you of driving around the suburbs with your friends getting mad that your car’s cassette adapter is glitching again.
“Sticks and Stones” is New Found Glory’s first HUGE sounding album, and successfully/deservingly went platinum. Plus, “Understatement” is the band’s best opening track, and potentially their best song; catch some fists to your collective jaws if you disagree. Furthermore, in true, true punk rock fashion, Chad Gilbert is wearing a Distillers T-Shirt in this LP’s liner notes, proving that word travels fast when Brody’s name’s involved. “Joke Skits” are never a bad thing either, unless they are.
Dear your name here, name a pop-punk band post-2000 that didn’t rip this perfect record off. We’re waiting too long for your response. In an era of AIM away messages this album reigned supreme. Your older siblings hated this album. They tried to convince you to listen to Fugazi instead, but you didn’t listen. You had the NFG album and you still do. And now that it’s two decades old it almost makes sense for you to listen to it again, but instead of the lyrics applying to your high school girlfriend they can apply to your ex wife.
I do not believe this creature is ensouled. This heinous beast will be forced to wander the underworld in search of pizza and Scooby snacks as punishment for his abominable ways.
A most odious crustacean, Mr. Krabs has spent his wretched life glutting himself on the material comforts of the dollar. He has neglected his only begotten daughter, laid waste to the lives of his employees and burnt the land around him. The only hope for salvation lies in his fitting end. To be served to his customers as a meal. He must be boiled alive to mortify his wicked flesh and purify his greedy soul.
A drinker, a menace, and a hedonist of the first order, this gray pear-shaped extraterrestrial will doubtlessly be smote by the Lord. The only downside would be that he seems the type to enjoy a good smiting. Filthy thing.
He hath usurped the Creator, reveled in the idolatry of science, built machines in the likenesses of the dog, and familiarized himself with Carl, a tubby child who is covetous of his mother. Jimmy Neutron is a he-witch of the first order. He should be pressed to death for corrupting the cadre of youths he has brought under his spell.
Speaking of witches, we must address the boy-child with the magical fish. A fairy by any other name is, in fact, an imp. A tiny devil. It is clear that brother Timothy Turner has made a pact with Lucifer by way of the fish and has traded his immortal soul for mastery of magic most foul.
The split-hoofed one. The she-pig. The child-sow. Her soul contains immeasurable evil. I shudder to think how she wields influence over her minions: Muma Pig and Daddy Pig. She has gripped her hooks into the minds of America’s youth and she won’t let go.
What is this, you say? Oh-bee-oh-by-oh-bother! Brother Ned? The righteous? The censorious? Cast into everlasting death? Aye, so it is, my brothers and sisters. So it is. For you see, though he plays the virtuous Christ-i-an for the neighborhood and sayeth his prayers by night, Ned Flanders is in fact… left-handed. I think I needn’t say more. The devil doth come in sheep’s clothing after all.
Aside from the fact that cats are of the beast to begin with, Garfield is an especially hideous lout. He’s lazy. Slothful. Gluttonous. Wrathful. Filled with pride and pomp and vigor. He’ll be milked like a grape to fill the chalice of Beelzebub. But still, he’s not to blame. For there’s…
His wicked master. Jon is another he-witch of the highest order. He keeps familiars, the cat Garfield, the hell-hound Odie. (Short for Odious, I have scant doubt.) He is a loathsome sort of a man. Lazy, pathetic, dull. Endlessly lustful after the flesh of the female. Specifically, the she-healer, Liz. He is hopeless.
A boisterous drunkard and a wastrel. Though he lives but an inch from noble poverty, he is content to spend what money he has on tricks and scams and schemes, while the rest of his family is cold and hungry through the wintertime. He should shiver with them. And take each pang of hunger in his bloated belly as a gift.
A being not of this earth, but shaped like the unclean shrimp. He rants and raves and thrashes about madly, screaming about world domination. It is clear he has been tormented by devils. For his own sake, we must put his head in the vice until they leave him be.
A lad in dire (oh yes, brothers and sisters, I do mean dire) need of a good lashing. It is clear that the fat, ill-humored fingers of his father ‘round his throat have done little to instill morals or values. Desperate measures must be taken. I suggest the dunking stool.
As a mechanical man, he has a mechanical soul and will be sent to mechanical Hell. I have no more words to say for him.
This man hath a heart which is black and burdened and twisted. He is cruel to his dog, neglectful to his wife, and unkind to his fellow man. All of these would be fine, of course, but he is also neglectful as a farmer. He is unwilling to work the land and therefore should have no expectation of its graces.
Jake, along with all of his friends, are walking-talking beasts that socialize with the human boy Adam Lyon. Clearly, they are wicked things that have enchanted this lad away from his happy home. Yes, indeed, all of the “My Gym Partner is a Monkey” cast should be burnt. Whether they be talking land-beasts or Slips, the serpent which tempted Adam and Eve.
Oh, you fools. You poor, poor simple fools. There beith no such thing as a friendly ghost. Mark me on that. This poltergeist, this unbaptized boy-phantom, has been cast from G-d’s graces. Now, he haunts the televisions of our children, tempting them unto death. He will need to be purged from the houses and put to rest.
I have no idea what tiresome religious order this “House of Mouse” is, and I hope never to. But he is leading a flock of the deceived. Like the Pied Piper, he has led away the children, in the form of his minions: the Mouseketeers.
This monster should not exist. Cats should not wear little bows. Cats should not wear overalls. Cats should not be able to walk upright and say “hello” to anyone, save a saucer of milk. To this beast, I would much prefer to say goodbye.
A fiendish woman, Peggy Hill is pride incarnate. She has led her family to disaster on many occasions. To the near brink of financial ruin. But even these misdeeds could be excusable. What I do not find excusable, what compels me to say nay to Goody Hill, are the stumps she parades herself about on. Her giant, clobberous feet. They are not of the Lord. She must remove them if she wishes for life ever-lasting.
G-d save us! Winnie the Pooh! Winnie the excrement! A fat, debauched, hedonistic bear who lives off of milk and honey and who is content to traipse about nearly naked, fouling himself wherever he pleases and allowing his WIGGLING JINGLE-JOHN to blow freely in the breeze. Disgraceful.
She is a witch. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life! She keeps a cat familiar known as Sylvester, to whom she has taught the incantation: “Sufferin’ succatash!” and a small yellow imp named Tweety. Still, she appears to be of a benevolent disposition. Perhaps merely a pagan.
After the band’s breakout 2005 LP “Discovering the Waterfront” the online buzz on its upcoming follow-up 2007 record “Arrivals & Departures” weeks before its release was said to break the band out into the newly multi-platinum world of both Fall Out Boy and Avenged Sevenfold. Sadly, it was more of a departure than an arrival. The band has expressed displeasure towards this full-length many times in the press, and we agree tenfold. Happily, things would soon get better for all outside of your boomer parents.
As ambitious, original, and creative as this nearly-twenty-minute twenty-two-song-release of the appropriately titled “Short Songs” was to listen to front-to-back in 2012, it just doesn’t hold up in 2023 compared to the next nine LPs. Still, for ‘90s punk rock historians, the cover versions of both Gob’s “236 E. Broadway” and NOFX’s “It’s My Job To Keep Punk Rock Elite” are fun as fun can be. In closing, Skee-Lo proved that good things sometimes come in small packages, and this LP is nothing short of a six-four Impala.
We suck, we know. This album totally rules, we know. The band’s debut fan-favorite LP “When Broken Is Easily Fixed” was a solid introduction to Silverstein in 2003, but after a revisit, the album sounds very young in a non-flattering way. If you disagree, and we know that you truly do for both this ranking entry and its “skip it” section, make your own damn list and post it on Friendster for at least one click. Maybe if this entire album was re-recorded a la the more than solid recent two-part “Redux” series it would’ve been listed higher here, and what’s subjectively broken would have been objectively fixed.
Although pretty uneven at times, “Rescue,” Silverstein’s first post-Victory Records release and debut outing for Hopeless Records, is likely Silverstein’s most slept-on LP. “Sacrifice” is easily a top five single of all time for the band, and “The Artist” (featuring fellow Canadian band Counterparts’ lead singer Brendan Murphy) is an aggressive headbanger (or banger if you talk like an infant) as well. Honestly, if the band modified the release from twelve songs to nine or ten, the album would’ve been revered much, much more.
“A Shipwreck in the Sand,” Silverstein’s first-ever concept album and subsequent follow-up to the poopy, poopy misstep listed at number eleven, satisfied both the end of the band’s contract with Victory Records and their many ardent fans rooting for the act to return to glorious form. Going back to Canada with Terrance, Phillip, and producer Cameron Webb in lovely, lovely Mississauga, Ontario, was a smart and extremely triumphant move for the group. P.S. The bonus track cover of The Beatles’ composition/album/movie theme song “Help!” slaps (if you talk like an infant II).
Silverstein’s most recent 2022 outing “Misery Made Me,” is the band’s second most emo-sounding record title referencing oneself and is quite a solid listen front-to-back. Also, its Deluxe album cover looks cool AF when one views it on Apple Music. Go there right now and read on whilst your mouth stays open for all eleven songs of the non-Deluxe version. Sick, eh? Anyway, since we were given the tough task of ranking ELEVEN albums, we must note that the record just isn’t as memorable as the following releases.
“I Am Alive in Everything I Touch,” Silverstein’s first of two albums for Rise Records, is another concept album for the five-piece, and a very, very solid one at that. Speaking of the number five, we mentioned that “Sacrifice” is a top five single for the band and “A Midwestern State of Emergency” is definitely at the top of the singles heap, showcasing every positive element of both the MidBEST and Silverstein (aggression, melody, and sweet endearing accents) in their respective highest approach. What a milestone! Just try NOT to headbang to that nasty guitar riff.
One badass point to note about this recent 2020 outing (and first for label UNFD; this band definitely experiments with a sort of scene swinger “Eyes Wide Shut”-esque relationship for various indie labels, but we digress) is that the many features from diverse acts as Underoath, Simple Plan and Princess Nokia make “A Beautiful Place to Drown” feel like a Warped Tour veteran’s rock-based hip-hop album. Despite us ranking this just below third and not qualifying for a top-three medal, that’s not a dig! Sincerely. Plus, this album also has FOUR singles and all of them are beyond catchy.
Sorey, sorey, sorey: We suck part two as Silverstein’s biggest-selling album “Discovering the Waterfront” isn’t ranked higher here in this article or your bedroom. Like we mentioned in the truly well-written and insightful opening to this piece, along with popular songs by then-labelmates Hawthorne Heights and Atreyu, Silverstein’s “Smile In Your Sleep” was appropriately featured in Victory Records’ commercials on Fuse Ad Nauseam. Call it bloody karma. Also, we’re almost at the twenty year mark for this now classic LP, so hire your sitters two years in advance and come out to see the band likely play this front-to-back at your favorite venue in 2025! Or don’t, rodeo clown.
“Dead Reflection,” Silverstein’s ninth total album and final release via Rise Records, features two singles that showcase the band at both its catchiest (“The Afterglow”; so infectious, sis) and riffiest (“Retrograde”; so tight, bro). Also, it must be said that many thought that the band would have become a long gone ghost by this time in their impossible-to-predict extensive timespan, and would have featured their last looks albums ago, but they were so, so wrong! We also love the bold and bright album cover sans band and album title words. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
And another concept album for the win! Yup. Silverstein recently announced a ten-year anniversary tour for 2013’s “This Is How The Wind Shifts,” a perfect listen from start to finish, and we hope that that run sells like guns in the States or poutine in Canada. For vivid proof of our correct opinion on this fan-favorite LP, we didn’t include any tracks to skip below; the album is just that good. Yup. It should also be mentioned that the new addition of Paul Marc Rousseau as an official band member for this record started part two for this band, and the sequel has been quite an enjoyable and fulfilling romp since. Yup. Listen to this album right now and scream!
