We all know the rules: try your hardest to be a good person and spend your life committing honorable deeds to be rewarded with an…
PEARLY GATES — Legendary musician, producer, and music journalist Steve Albini spent the first few moments of his afterlife ranting about how bad the Smashing…
50 Cartoon Characters Ranked By How Likely They Are to See the Divine Light of the Kingdom of Heaven
50 Cartoon Characters Ranked By How Likely They Are to See the Divine Light of the Kingdom of Heaven
Good morrow, fellows. My name is Piteousness Baille. I am, this year, celebrating my 106th birthday. I am one of the last remaining members of…
Dogs aren’t just man’s best friend: canines are the Almighty’s most favored species by a goddamn mile. Alone among all created beings, dogs have been…
I came to Vatican City to pay my respects to the all-time metal God, Ronnie James Dio, and I expected to find like-minded fellow worshipers…
HEAVEN — Local divine and benevolent deity, God, updated His LinkedIn profile yesterday, changing His title to Content Creation Ninja in the first step to…
NEW YORK — A shocking new fan theory posited by every single Redditor last week claims that your favorite fictional characters are “all in Purgatory…
HEAVEN — God, the almighty creator of Heaven and Earth, can not find a single reason to refuse recently-deceased straight edge kid Randy Larrett’s entry…
Our nation is facing the great task of slowing the spread of coronavirus, and many Americans are frightened. Why, I spoke to a man this…
DOG HEAVEN — Several dogs awaiting entry into the big, grassy field in the sky are being forced to wait patiently until Dog St. Peter…
LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Local youth pastor Marc Herrera is shredding with the Lord now after he died attempting to ollie off his church roof…
HEAVEN — St. Peter spent the afternoon guiding Anthony Bourdain through the rough-and-tumble part of Heaven where the best food trucks can be found, noting…