HELL — The underworld is in chaos after a coup d’état orchestrated by the late American diplomat Henry Kissinger sent Satan into hiding and installed…
U.S. ROUTE 49, Miss. — Local punk and guitar virtuoso Drennen Boydell decided to sell his soul to the Devil in exchange for getting worse…
THE LABYRINTH — Residents of a crust punk house were seemingly unaware that they were inhabiting the Cenobite dimension, terrified sources confirmed. “I woke up…
It’s strange how some situations can mirror others almost exactly. For example, a tennis match can look indecipherable from a pickleball match to an outsider.…
50 Cartoon Characters Ranked By How Likely They Are to See the Divine Light of the Kingdom of Heaven
50 Cartoon Characters Ranked By How Likely They Are to See the Divine Light of the Kingdom of Heaven
Good morrow, fellows. My name is Piteousness Baille. I am, this year, celebrating my 106th birthday. I am one of the last remaining members of…
HELL — Ruler of the underworld and Dark Lord Satan admitted that even after all these years, he is still flattered whenever he hears a…
Ever since I discovered BDSM Tumblr as a youth, I have dreamt of dying at the hands of horned-up sadistic hellspawn. I dedicated my life…
VENICE BEACH, Calif. — Local hacky sack guy from the boardwalk, Randy Gallaway, is officially now dating the devil sticks guy who usually hangs around…
Jean-Paul Sartre once wrote “Hell is other people.” Well, it turns out that “other person” is former White Stripes frontman Jack White specifically. We sat…
HELL — Local metalhead Duane Hovey came to a shocking discovery after a tragic gravity bong explosion that the dark lord himself prefers the sounds…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Tesla recently revealed the prototype for their new self-driving Dragula that can independently dig through ditches and burn through witches, sources…
Money doesn’t grow on trees and we’re all about that, uhh, hustle. Yep. All about it. All the time. Us, hustling… Sorry, our heart just…
HEAVEN — Local divine and benevolent deity, God, updated His LinkedIn profile yesterday, changing His title to Content Creation Ninja in the first step to…
One of the most sacred rituals a person can perform for themselves is the practice of yoga. A yogi is at one with their mind,…
SAN FRANCISCO — A Novel Experience Bookstore owner Dale Severen was deemed “totally not legit” yesterday for lacking a dynamic selection of ancient texts and…