With Autumn officially in full swing, you might be finding yourself thinking of the power of change. Perhaps you’re considering turning over a new leaf yourself. If previous seasonal transitions are any indication, however, you’ll probably just continue being the same person you were last fall, and the fall before that, and so on and so forth. Rather than scanning your past to figure out what went wrong, we think it’s in your best interest to inject a bit of fresh life into your dull and monotonous existence. The easiest way to do so is with some new music. The best part is, you don’t even have to do anything but sit and listen. We’re pretty sure you’re already sitting, so that’s half the battle won already. Without further ado, here are some new songs and few classics to help widen your palate and ease you into a season of personal transformation or some shit.
Mustard Plug “Where Did All My Friends Go?”
It wasn’t long ago that you would shout the title of this song to an empty living room the second you queued up a ska-punk song at your house party. Now, however, your guests are infatuated with that goofy shit, as TikTok trends and collective societal amnesia have made skanking and trombones seem cool again. Paddle them out to the fourth wave by blasting the latest from genre legends Mustard Plug, whose most recent album sounds just as fresh as a bunch of twenty-somethings on the internet think the summer of ’97 was.
Upchuck “Crashing”
Atlanta’s Upchuck gained quite a reputation for their chaotic live shows and unforgivingly visceral sound. Perhaps the most shocking of all of the band’s abilities is their ability to slow things down at just the right moment to tap into lead singer KT’s innate pop sensibilities. ‘Crashing’ – the latest single from their forthcoming Ty Segall produced LP, ‘Bite The Hand That Feeds’ – showcases the group’s versatility, blending minimalist production with indie-pop hooks large enough to land a whale shark. If they keep it up, punk kids across the nation might actually learn to dance for a change.
The Mountain Goats “Murder At the 18th St. Garage”
You may be asking yourself several questions including, but not limited to: ‘Are those distorted electric guitars? In a Mountain Goats song? Am I dead? Is this Heaven?’ No, no, no. We’re pretty sure the living world is actually Hell, but at least we’re alive to hear the most raucous single The Mountain Goats have released in years, making the wait for their 22nd album ‘Jenny From Thebes’ feel even longer. ‘Murder At the 18th St. Garage’ is a blazing track about, you guessed it, murder. Though John Darnielle has pinned the crime on the album’s titular character in a press release, we’re pretty sure the real killers are Alicia Bognanno, Matt Douglas, Peter Hughes, and Jon Wurster. All of whom’s performances are auditorially homicidal.
Ty Segall “Egg Man”
No, your brain isn’t breaking, that’s just the weird-ass tempo shift in Ty Segall’s new single, ‘Egg Man.’ Having conquered nearly every corner of the tapestry of rock soundscapes, Segall is seemingly setting his eyes on the one that makes you think the brownie you had with lunch was an edible. While we’re on the topic, the production on this one is so wild that we’re pretty sure listening to this song could make you fail a drug test. It would be ludicrous to suggest that Ty Segall is on path to becoming this generation’s Zappa, so we won’t. Still, we have to admit that it’s incredibly entertaining and satisfying to witness him try.
SUM 41 “Landmines”
It’s quite a thing for a band to announce a break-up shortly before an album release and a massive tour. Some call it a marketing ploy, others call it a fantastic marketing ploy. Wherever you land on the controversial subject, Sum 41 is back with a new single, ‘Landmines,’ from their forthcoming as well as final album ‘Heaven x Hell.’ If the signature hooks and bombast on the latest track is any indication, the band appears to be going out with a bang. It’s a great reminder that the best time to quit is when you’re ahead, then a little bit behind, then ahead again.
We recently asked our staff what classic songs they like to play as we head face-first into fall. While the majority of their answers were too horrifyingly depressing to print, there were a couple good ones that didn’t make us feel utterly hopeless. Here are the highlights:
The Chills “I Love My Leather Jacket”
Finally, we are fully in the two to three-week span where it’s not too cold or too hot to really start dressin’. The first day temperatures dropped below 70, one of our writers put on his faithful biker jacket and has failed to stop singing the chorus of this song to himself since. While we don’t really think he can pull off the look, it shouldn’t stop you from trying.
My Chemical Romance “Cemetery Drive”
Now that Halloween is just around the corner, our Managing Editor has moved her office to an unmarked grave in an undisclosed location. She’s still attempting to get interns to bring her coffee, but when they ask her for the address she just sends a link to MCR’s ‘Cemetery Drive’ and tells them they should be able to figure it out from there. To date, five of our employees have never returned from their fated Starbucks runs.
Elliott “Calm Americans”
It’s been a long time since we could imagine Americans being described as ‘calm,’ and it’s been even longer since anyone has thought about the band Elliott, whose unique amalgamation of emo stylings made them one of the genre’s best-kept secrets until their breakup 20 years ago. The writer who hipped us to this one claims it as his go-to Autumn soundtrack, so we’ve been checking in on him a bit more than usual lately.
Alright, he was a paranoid schizophrenic with a long history of brutal violence, this one probably isn’t on Loomis. Still, it’s perplexing that the doctor recommended driving lessons as part of Simm’s treatment. Pretty much as soon as he learned what the gas pedal did he was gone.
Cain had come to Loomis seeking advice to quit smoking, but the doctor became immediately convinced that he was pure evil. He told Cain this repeatedly, but for reasons unknown Cain kept seeing him. Eventually, in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, Cain internalized this message and murdered three of his coworkers.
Tristen sought Loomis’s advice in navigating communication issues she was having with her husband. The good doctor’s diagnosis? Pure evil. Time and time again Loomis’s go-to move is telling a patient they have the blackest eyes, the Devil’s eyes, and accusing them of being inhuman. In this instance, it turned a suburban housewife with no history of violence or wrongdoing into a jogger-strangling monster.
“Tell me about your mother. Was she also pure evil?” Jesus dude, change up your approach.
In one of his all-time greatest blunders, Loomis meant to write Lorenzo a prescription for Xanax that he could take on airplanes but got his notes mixed up and wound up prescribing pure evil.
Yes, late-night host Bill Maher is a patient of Dr. Loomis and has killed 7 people. How have we not canceled this guy?
During the routine transfer of murderer Henry Parsons, Loomis was twirling around his therapist gun and singing a little song to the tune of “The Muffin Man.” It went like this:
In his first session with Tommy, then a teen caught doing graffiti, Loomis called Tommy pure evil. Tommy replied “No I’m not,” and Loomis replied, “Oh, what’s the matter, chicken?!”
When Loomis insisted that McCray’s recurring dream about falling wouldn’t stop until his inherent evil was satiated, McCray took matters into his own hands in an incident now known as the Carlsville pitchfork slaughter.
Loraine was a violent psychotic under Dr. Loomis’s care who was set free when Loomis accidentally texted “FREEBACON” to a Smith’s Grove guard. Apparently, this was a promo code for a meal delivery service sent by mistake. How is this man still a doctor?
Samantha and Cindy Gursch were sent to Loomis’s office to test for ADD. The first thing he asked them was “Are you two regular twins, or creepy evil murder twins?” That planted a seed that led to the deaths of 16 people in foster homes across the United States in the ‘90s.
Yes, this patient had his name legally changed to “Evil.” He walked right into Loomis’s office and said “I am pure evil, I have the devil’s eyes, and I thirst for blood.” Loomis dismissed Evil as an attention seeker, saying “Get back to me when you’ve got some blood on your hands.” Maybe he was, but Jesus man, you shouldn’t call a bluff like that!
In an ill-advised foray into immersion therapy, Loomis escorted an unrestrained serial killer to a crowded fair, put a knife in her hand, and said “Don’t do anything.” She did stuff.
Gissimons wanted to lose weight, so Loomis made him a subliminal meditation tape to play while he slept. “You are in control of your eating habits. Cheese and cream sauces have no power over you. You are inhuman. Pure evil.”
When Webber approached Loomis requesting his antipsychotic medication be renewed, Loomis replied “I don’t negotiate with evil.”
