Press "Enter" to skip to content

Ska Legends Mustard Plug Team Up With for Worst Merch Idea Ever

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Legendary ska act Mustard Plug are combining forces with adult products behemoth Adam & Eve to collaborate on the most obvious merch item possible, disgusted sex toy buyers noticed.

“Everyone knows ska fans are almost exclusively into assplay, so teaming up with Mustard Plug to create a yellow, mustard-bottle shaped butt plug that can also store 8 ounces of your favorite condiments makes perfect sense,” said Evelyn Liddow, spokesperson and Head of Ska Outreach for Adam & Eve. “I’ve personally been trying to work with Mustard Plug for years and they finally gave in. We worked closely with the band on designs to create a toy known as The Mustard Plug. It features an extra-wide flared base, so you can skank to your heart’s content and not worry about losing your new merch purchase.”

The members of Mustard Plug expressed some initial trepidation to the possibly controversial butt plug collab.

“It’s really hard to make money in music anymore, so after years of ignoring Adam & Eve’s emails, we finally let them do their thing,” confessed Mustard Plug founder and singer Dave Kirchgessner “Apparently it’s already Adam & Eve’s 489th best selling item ever. I have no idea if that’s good, but we’re just about spare Rabbit batteries and just below some off-brand spermicidal lubricant. I’m glad our fans seem to really be enjoying The Mustard Plug, but please stop fucking sending us videos of you using it while listening to ‘Mr. Smiley’ in the background. We still have to play that song live; I don’t need flashbacks.”

Economists familiar with the music industry offered their take on unorthodox merchandise collaborations.

“Collaborations with ska bands rarely work out; it took Home Depot years to sell through their Big D & the Kids Table patio sets and they did so at a loss,” opined Renee Carter, small business financial advisor at Goldman Sachs. “I don’t see The Mustard Plug faring much better, but it’s already selling better than Restoration Hardware’s Streetlight Manifesto lamp line. Maybe the ska world’s obsession with anal stimulation will buck the trend.”

In honor of the collaboration, Adam & Eve have announced Mustard Plug Week, where all orders over $25 get a free pair of black-and-white checkerboard thigh-high nylons.