Bands Are Just an Excuse for Men To Have Photoshoots
Are you in need of profile photos for Instagram or Hinge? Don't want to hire a photographer because the boys…
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Jonah Nink
93 stories found
Starbucks Sets Cafe Ambience With Worst Cover of “Dreams” You’ve Ever Heard
CHICAGO — Local woman Wendy Sachs felt “incredibly lucky” to hear the worst cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” ever written…
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Bassist Writes Own Birthday Post on Band’s Instagram Page Again
CHICAGO — Death Crack bassist Tim Bolz said he was “totally fine” with writing his own birthday post on the…
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Gruesome Evidence Suggests Ancient Green Day Fans Boiled Prisoners Alive Inside Bronze Tré Cool
SAN FRANCISCO — Pop punk archaeologists uncovered shocking evidence that ancient Green Day fans boiled captives alive inside of hollow…
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Opinion: I Had a Hard Year, so Please Let Me Gatekeep “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”
I had a hard year. I was laid off, lost my healthcare and my dog. My wife left me and…
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I Don’t Care How Long We’re Trapped in This Supermarket Surrounded by Mist Monsters, I’m Not Listening to Your Band’s New Song
It's been days since we were first trapped inside this supermarket by the mist. Anyone who goes outside is doomed…
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Stop It! That’s My Mom on Every Roxy Music Album Cover You’re Staring At
Hey, pervert! I see you fingering through the Roxy Music vinyls a little slower than all the other sections of…
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Movie Monster Wishes It Was Metaphor For “Being Super Rich And Sexy” Instead Of “Grief”
ADELAIDE, Australia — Iconic movie monster the Babadook was recently seen chain-smoking in a Hungry Jack’s parking lot after learning…
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Metal Band Wishes They Could Be As Loud As Guy Adjusting Chair In Coffee Shop
CHICAGO — Area metal band Blood Fuel was left reconsidering their group’s future after hearing a man adjust his chair…
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Sure Our Set Was Bad but Did Rod Serling Really Need To Comment on Man’s Hubris to the Audience Afterwards?
I’m the first to admit my band’s set last night was bad. Guitar solos were flubbed, vocals were way off…
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