20. Jay Som “Ghost”
A song about literally traveling into a ghost, this one definitely makes me want to take a safety trip to the toilet before we embark on our journey.
19. Antsy Pants “Vampire”
This song simply makes me haunted by the passage of time and causes me to mourn my youth. I can feel the stomach ache coming on already. Absolutely terrifying. If it looks like I have antsy pants, it’s just because my pants are full of shit.
18. Fox Academy “Vampire Banquet”
Vampires are bad enough but a bunch of them holding a banquet?? What will be served for dinner? This song makes me hope I’ll have time to stop for a Lactaid on the way or, I don’t know, is there like Lactaid but for blood? If cheesecake makes me crap myself, I can only imagine what the vampire banquet will do to my gi tract.
17. The Unicorns “Ghost Mountain”
Heights are freaky enough but imagining a mountaintop full of ghosts?? Between that and the altitude sickness, my underwear sure picked a bad day to be my underwear.
16. girl in red “we fell in love in october”
Honestly, nothing scarier than falling in love at any time of year. Definitely makes my stomach bubble just thinking about it.
15. Crumb “Ghostride”
A psychedelic tune about a long long drive. The kind of drive where you load up on greasy fast food without bothering to check how long you’ll be going before you hit another rest stop and, well, does my insurance cover shitting?
14. Peach Kelli Pop “Halloween Mask”
A song that likens modern-day beauty standards to a Halloween costume, this one is definitely a butthole clencher.
13. Teen Suidice “haunt me (x3)
Haunt me once, I’m peeing my pants. Haunt me twice, I’m puking with fear. Haunt me THREE TIMES?? Well, even the most tenacious ghost isn’t going to want to stick around after that.
12. No Vacation “Reaper”
Atmospheric and dreamy, No Vacation sings about death knocking on their door and literally physically having to run away from it. Running is involved?? I would honestly rather poop my pants. It’s death, he sees this kind of thing all the time, no big.
11. Pill Friends “Satan Is Your Master”
The act of shitting yourself does sort of feel like you’re submitting to the devil himself. This one definitely earns its place close to the top of this list.
10. Bettye LaVette “Witchcraft in the Air”
A song that starts with the line, “cooking up a magic brew just to put a spell on you,” lord knows how that potion will agree with my stomach. Kinda reminds me of that time me and my friends brewed mushroom tea. Did you know shroom tea can make you shit yourself? We sure didn’t.
9. Tambourines, Weekend Voodoo, Boy Deco “Body Bag”
Body Bag? More like I’m going to need a colostomy bag after I listen to this one, amirite!? No seriously, get the bag.
8. Cherry Glazerr “Trick or Treat Dancefloor”
So we’re going dancing? Is it at a bar? At a club? What’s the bathroom situation? If we get there late, will it be yucky? Will it have toilet paper?? Definitely feeling like I’m going to crap myself already just thinking about it.
7. Siouxsie and the Banshees “Halloween”
One of the Halloween classics of all time, not only does this song mention ghosts, murder and the dark of night but it also references “scorpion eyes.” Scorpion eyes??? Are we talking eyes *of* a scorpion or are we talking someone with scorpions for eyes?? Either way, this one will have me leaving a trail as I run far, far away.
6. Blood Culture “Graveyard Vibes”
A song that tauts the lyrics “danger is upon us the weak will all be goners” definitely gives me the sweats. Whether you’re moving your bowels or moving your broomsticks, all I can say is that the vibes on this one are BAD.
5. M83 “Graveyard Girl”
“I’m gonna jump the walls and run. I wonder if they’ll miss me? I won’t miss them. The cemetery is my home. I want to be a part of it. Invisible even to the night. Shitting my pants.”
4. Dead Man’s Bones “Dead Man’s Bones”
I want to say that I’d never shit myself in front of Ryan Gosling but listening to this creepy titular tune from Baby Goose himself makes me feel like anything’s possible!
3. Andy Shauf “Halloween Store”
Not knowing what to wear for Halloween, getting too high on a beautiful afternoon and being plagued by worries that you didn’t lock the front door to your house, Andy Shauf’s lovely and charming nightmare romp through the mundanities of life gives me anxiety shits even thinking about it.
2. Timber Timbre “Resurrection Drive”
Spine-tingling and terrifying, every beat will make you feel like you’re living through a horror film. When the phrase “crap my pants in fear” comes to mind, this song plays in my head.
1. Bobby “Boris” Pickett “Monster Rap”
1985’s little known sequel to Pickett’s Halloween classic “The Monster Mash,” this song will blow your mind and your digestive system. Hearing Pickett utter the phrase “rap for Daddy” makes my skin crawl so badly, it’s guaranteed to clear you right out until Thanksgiving.