RICHFIELD, Minn. — Foot traffic at a local Walmart store has dropped off significantly after one of its greeters, unapologetic punk Steve McKenzie, has turned…
This country is going to hell. Everyday there’s some new bullshit that threatens our American way of life, like Taylor Swift and books about the…
Ah, Halloween. A holiday that’s all about bringing an equal amount of both joy and fear (though what’s scarier than gathering your extended family together…
GRAND ISLAND, Neb. — Local doctor Harvin Smill found himself visibly sweaty this morning responding with a mumbled sequence of “uhhh yeah me too, totally,…
AUSTIN, Texas — A desperate guitar pick is currently clinging to the inside body of an acoustic guitar belonging to beginner musician Vernon Nixon, nearby…
LANSING, Mich. — 14-year-old goth Sarah Marpa suffered a series of horrendous nightmares after watching lighthearted rom-com “The Wedding Singer” with her parents, confused family…
MILWAUKEE — Local man Jeremy Grimm’s sudden infatuation with a newly discovered band was put on hold today pending the results of a search of…
HANOVER, Pa. — Local Nazi, Kyle Rumbley, is unsure how to tell his family he voted for Joe Biden after Pennsylvania flipped blue, ultimately securing…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Local Publix shopper Wesley Clemons removed his protective face mask this morning after realizing that no one else in the grocery store…
WILLIMANTIC, Conn. — Emo revival favorites The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die are reportedly considering a name…
BANGOR, Maine — Mayor Chesty the French Bulldog enacted a city-wide ban today on fireworks ahead of Independence Day festivities, citing public safety concerns, environmental…
ATLANTA — City authorities shut down a show at the Arm Pit Music Hall late last night when Snot Rockets frontman Aiden Conner, a.k.a. Billy…
NASHVILLE – Following a sparsely attended Halloween show, members of every band on the bill were horrified to discover the promoter — and all the…