PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A load-bearing cinder block in the wall of Farmington Insurance Company has recently been pining for the time in his life when he held a band’s kick drum in place, sources confirmed while not being able to believe they were interviewing a sentient brick.
“Yeah, before selling out and getting into the insurance game, I actually held the kick drum in place for Providence noise-rock royalty Pink and Brown. One member went on to found Thee Oh Sees, you’ve probably heard of ‘em? Went out on the road with P&B a few times, actually. Did the whole Fort Thunder thing, saw some wild-ass shows, well the inside of the kick drum of some wild shows, I mean,” said the wistful cinder block, as the surrounding ones rolled their eyes. “You can actually see me in some of the footage in that Lightning Bolt ‘Power of Salad’ documentary. I’m the cinder block.”
Various other entryway decorations have begun to voice their disdain for the cinder block’s performatively casual walks down memory lane.
“Frankly, I’m sick of hearing that glorified sidewalk square rehash his glory days. It was cool the first few times, and I feel for the guy having to watch those bands he ‘played’ with get huge, but c’mon now,” said a nearby hedge flanking the insurance company entrance. “You wanna talk about Rhode Island royalty? Future EGOT winner Viola Davis once took a public piss behind me while her date stood watch for passersby, but you don’t hear me bragging about it every single damn minute. Get a life, man!”
One employee of Farmington has had enough of the cinder block’s ravings as well, as he’s unfortunately the only one who can hear it.
“Good god, I feel like I’m going out of my mind here. Nobody believes me when I stroll into the break room and ask if anyone else can hear the walls talking to the hedges out front. All they do is point and laugh at me like I’m the office clown or something!” said Hector McCoyle, who has worked at Farmington for 12 years. “Also, for the record, I gotta agree with the bush on this one, I’m sick of that damn cinder block complaining too. If he wants back in ‘the music industry’ then why doesn’t he just do it?! It’s driving me mad!”
At press time, the cinder block decided to chase its dreams and get back into the music scene, before realizing seconds later it’s an inanimate object cemented in place.