Six Songs We’re Listening To This Week That Beyoncé Forgot To Cover On ‘Cowboy Carter’

Posted on by Colleen Nerney

You read it right, we’re using a superstar album drop in the title of this one to shamelessly boost engagement. But admit it, you can only listen to that “Jolene” cover so many times in a row, though, so here are our humble suggestions for Ms. Yonce to consider for her next magnum opus.

St. Vincent “Flea (ft. Dave Grohl)”

Our close personal friend Annie Clark is at it again with another off-kilter fuzz-rock single, this time featuring our other close personal friend Dave Grohl. “Flea” pinballs between paranoid, mellow, and grungy effortlessly in only a way St. Vincent can pull off without falling into total chaos. We will be waiting outside her house for the full album with bated breath, and our tent is open to visitors for a small fee.

Snarls “Heavy Drinker”

Ohio’s own “Lover Girl” indie-rock sweethearts Snarls just recorded an album produced by Chris Walla, and “Heavy Drinker” is an extremely promising sneak peek of what’s to come. Dreamy, shimmering harmonies soar in this delightfully catchy ‘90s vibe-fest that would be right at home in an alternate universe where Alvvays did the soundtrack to “10 Things I Hate About You,” or a really good banned episode of “Daria.” Either way, we are tuned the fuck in.

Heading North “Toss/Turn”

Pittsburgh is known for odd shit like toilets in the basement with no walls around them and french fries on top of a wedge of iceberg lettuce masquerading as a salad. What they should be known for, however, is their impressive and varied local music scene, including pop-punk shitkickers Heading North. Their new single “Toss/Turn” contains gorgeous vocals over deeply hooky driving guitars reminiscent of Paramore’s best work. Play this one when staring out the car window while it rains, which, in Pittsburgh, is 99% of the year.

Castle Rat “Fresh Fur”

Have you ever looked at your collection of high fantasy softcore pornography and thought, “Man, I wish this Frank Frazetta painting turned into a band”? Then have we got the crew for you. Brooklyn’s self-proclaimed “medieval fantasy doom metal” group Castle Rat took the aesthetics and lore of the nerdiest ‘80s subcultures and infused them with some sort of Fu Manchu meets Ruby the Hatchet sexy magic. “Fresh Fur” is your soundtrack for the next time you need to climb a mountain made of skulls.

SeeYouSpaceCowboy…, Courtney LaPlante “To The Dance Floor For Shelter”

The internet keeps calling SeeYouSpaceCowboy… “sasscore” for some reason, and while we are way too fucking old to know what that means, we are definitely on board with whatever it is they’re doing these days. The first single off their forthcoming full-length “Coup de Grâce” featuring Courtney LaPlante is an intoxicating mix of mid-aughts emo theatricality, haunted house instrumentals, and brutally gritty screams. This should not work, and yet, we’re on listen number 15 in the last few hours.

Stand Still “Mysticism”

Long Island’s pop punk/emo outlet Stand Still has somehow managed to craft a stellar single that could frankly be a forgotten “Tell All Your Friends” B-side, complete with introspective lyrics, energetic drumming, and stellar syncopated riffs. We can almost see our old desktop computer’s Windows Media Player visualizer when we listen to “Mysticism,” and will gladly accept this type of auditory time travel in the future.

What? Six songs aren’t enough? Of course not, you greedy bastard. We figured you might be the ungrateful type, so we’ve put these and a whole bunch of other songs in a convenient and constantly updated playlist for you. Click here to listen and dazzle your friends with your newfound relevancy.

Cost of Living Too High? Here’s How I Bought a Gorilla Suit and Started Squatting at the Zoo

Posted on by Tim Sheard

Have you ever gone on Zillow to fantasize about your dream house? And then searched a cheaper area after you realized your dream house is too expensive? Oh look, there’s one you could maybe afford someday if you want to live in that Ohio town where the train derailed and poisoned the water. How about this one? Wait no, that’s an empty plot of land on a nuclear testing field. Maybe that one? Nope, that’s just a pop-up ad for the San Diego Zoo.

And you wonder, what are your options really? You work a stable full-time job and it’s still not enough to afford rent, let alone a house someday. And the primates in that ad looked really peaceful roaming on that spacious grassland.

Here are the steps I took to secure myself alternative housing while impersonating a zoo gorilla:

Step 1: Give Up

Accept that there really is no other option. You’ve tried looking up DIY tiny house tutorial videos. As a last resort, you’ve stared at the abandoned ice cream truck across the street and wondered if it could fit a mattress inside and how badly you’dd be injured trying to get the raccoons out of there. But let’s be real: you have no idea how to build anything, you don’t own a mattress, and those raccoons would use their tiny fists to beat you to a pulp. It’s clear what must be done.

Step 2: Buy a Gorilla Suit

A high-quality suit is a good investment here, but I imagine that isn’t an option for many of you. I was only able to afford a Party City gorilla suit. I’m hoping that I can make up for what the suit lacks with a very passionate acting performance. If that doesn’t cut it and I get caught, I’ll just say that the whole thing was a performance art piece to protest capitalism.

Step 3: Break Into a Zoo

The downside of residing near a major city is the absurdly high cost of living. But the plus side is that there are usually a few zoos in the area to choose from. Make sure you pick one that has a gorilla exhibit. It seems obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people screw this part up.

There are a few disadvantages to my new lifestyle: Harambe (no relation) won’t let me on the climbing apparatus during enrichment time. I accidentally used my AirPods, and a zookeeper saw. But instead of discovering that I’m a human, he assumed that gorillas are just evolving at a quicker rate. I think scientists are coming to study me, and I overheard that Jane Goodall might even be visiting on Thursday. And the worst part of all is that I still can’t figure out how to get that damn banana out of the puzzle feeder.

But it’s still a lot less stressful than my previous living arrangement.

Just do it. Go apeshit. Be free.

Nation Once Again Agrees That Easter Candy Made of Exact Same Ingredients as Regular Candy Tastes Better Due to Shape

Posted on by Peter Woods

BETHLEHEM, Pa. — Consumers across the nation broadly agreed that easter candy tastes better than regular candy despite being made of the same ingredients, sources experiencing a sugar coma confirmed.

“People are always surprised by this,’” said Juliette Chung of the National Institute for Dietary Trend Research. “But take Heath Bars as an example. Eating one is technically the closest experience we have to biting down on a mummy’s thumb that also has rocks in it. But if you imagine eating one in the shape of a rabbit, it actually sounds kind of appetizing. A Reese’s egg will hit much harder than a simple peasant Reese’s cup.”

While many journalists and national pundits have claimed that Easter candy is made of different ingredients, food scientists have disproved this theory.

“We’ve run every possible test on these candies we could think of,” said organic chemist Shauna Frye. “We’ve done every kind of spectral and chemical analysis available to the scientific community. There’s absolutely no difference. But when we tried a piece of Hershey’s special dark chocolate in the shape of an egg, our taste buds damn near gave us an orgasm. Basically, all we did was prove that our 26 billion dollar lab is useless and that we might as well burn the place down and start over.”

With this improvement in flavor scientifically proven, many have called on candy companies to produce Easter shaped candy all year. However, corporations have been reluctant.

“There’s a pretty serious danger in doing Easter shapes year-round,” said Lean Collins of Mars, Inc. “Environmental agencies have repeatedly told us that if our candy tasted that damn good all the time, our sales would skyrocket to the point of over-production and we could potentially deplete the world of all of its food resources within 15 months. So making our candy in shitty-tasting shapes is actually how we give back to the planet.”

In a joint statement, representatives have confirmed that Just Born Candy Company will only make peeps in the shape of chicks, and Cadbury will continue to make cream eggs to trick people into thinking they are eating something other than styrofoam and frosting jizz, respectively.

​​Aw Crap: I Thought I Said Something Normal but My Therapist Responded “Let’s Unpack That”

Posted on by Reuben Blanchard

I’ve been seeing my therapist, Terry, for a few months now, and overall it’s fine. I go to his office and get to complain about my job. It’s a great way to blow off steam, and not saddle my girlfriend with all my work drama. But recently he’s been asking about my parents. All I said was “Every family screams at each other.” But Terry sat there for a second, cocked his head, and said “hmmm… let’s unpack that.” And now it’s a whole thing.

Look, I’m a modern man. I understand I don’t have it all figured out. But if I’m being honest therapy sometimes just feels like a whine-fest. I had a great childhood. But as soon as I say something like “if I smell alcohol on a man’s breath, I immediately think of my dad” Terry just responds with some overthinky, pschobabble like “It sounds like you never felt safe as a kid.” Which is pretty ridiculous. Because NOBODY feels safe as a kid, right? That’s part of being a kid. You know at any point you’ll do something wrong, and it’ll set your parents off. That’s just part of growing up.

My parents didn’t hit me, and that means they were good parents. That’s the metric everyone uses. But Terry will say something like, “A lack of physical violence doesn’t mean a surplus of love” because he clearly doesn’t understand my parents. They grew up at a different time. Things were hard for them. So encouraging their children in their pursuits isn’t something they had time for. All I ever needed from my parents was an occasional “good job,” a pat on the back, or an extra scoop of ice cream. And sure, I never got those things, but how else was I gonna learn that I was neither special nor important?

I appreciate that Terry is trying to help me, but he acts like my parents were abusive when I say something like “My dad has never said he loves me” or “My mom has clearly tried to sabotage every romantic relationship I’ve ever had.” I mean, he refers to my folks as “emotionally withholding”, and it’s like, did Terry just not have parents? Because that’s what parents do: they withhold emotions so that you do whatever they say in the hopes that they will express even the smallest bit of love or approval, so… oh fuck. Yeah, never mind, Terry’s right.

Punk Celebrates Easter by Painting Eggs Before Throwing Them at Police Station

Posted on by Audrey Vieira

AUSTIN — Local punk Kyle Burnett’s annual Easter egg painting tradition took an interesting turn after he drove to a nearby police station to throw them at the building, sources with egg on their faces confirmed.

“Painting eggs is just therapeutic for me,” Burnett said before tossing one into a law enforcement vehicle’s windshield. “I spend all of Good Friday listening to my favorite Christian bands to get into the spirit, which is nice because I get to revisit Underoath’s early work. Then I invite my friends over to draw band logos and other cool shit on the eggs before getting in the car on Easter morning to chuck ‘em at pigs. Feels good to get out there and celebrate since I had to give up vandalism for lent.”

Officer Mike Richards was not amused by Burnett’s actions and plans to press charges for attempted murder.

“Oh, he paints all the eggs?” Richards said while removing eggshell fragments from his uniform. “I wouldn’t know that since I only see them after they hit me in the goddamn crotch. Don’t laugh at me. Some of those things were hard-boiled. If I hadn’t worn my bulletproof vest, that kid could’ve killed me. Some of the other officers think I’m overreacting because we found a few shells with skulls painted on them, but they weren’t even Punisher skulls. Those would have been much more respectful.”

Youth pastor and self-described Jesus expert Clay Driscoll offered a surprisingly more positive interpretation of the incident.

“Say what you will about the vandalism, but Kyle painting colorful eggs for our boys in blue is totally in line with what Jesus says about loving your enemies,” Driscoll said after leading youth group. “He’s tossing Easter joy straight through their windows even though they have to work during the holiday. That kind of gesture is sure to get him into Heaven when the time comes. Hopefully not soon, but worst case scenario, he’s logged enough community service hours to get past the pearly gates.”

At press time, the cops began their annual Easter egg hunt by cleaning up broken eggshells around the station.

How I Stopped Buying $5 Coffees Every Day for 5 Years, Saved Nearly $10,000, and Still Find Myself on the Brink of Financial Collapse After One Flat Tire and Medical Bill

Posted on by Robert John Scucci

You guys! I finally did it and accomplished the unthinkable. I stopped going to Starbucks before work every day, and after five years, I’m no better off than I was before deciding to forgo the one thing that actually gets me out of bed in the morning. In fact, I had car troubles during the same week I needed to go in for an emergency root-canal, and I probably won’t recover from the out-of-pocket expenses for at least six months. But hey, fiscal responsibility, amiright?

For as long as I can remember, my parents told me that I’d never be able to afford a down payment on my dream house if I treated myself to a latte every morning. So I stopped. But there’s one issue that needs to be considered: I only saved $10,000, which is nowhere near what I would need for a down payment on a house, or even a nice car now that I think about it. Not to mention that making coffee at home isn’t free either. Heck, I even reuse old grounds sometimes because eggs are about to be $9 a dozen again and I have to cut corners somewhere. Sure, I didn’t treat myself to anything for five years, but the money’s gone anyway.

If you’re an older reader, I’ll bet you’re thinking that I spent too much money on my iPhone. Well, you’re probably forgetting the fact that my iPhone is actually my boss!

First of all, without a smartphone, how am I supposed to pick up a shift as a Door-Dasher? I’ve got to supplement my income somehow because I haven’t gotten a raise at my office job in three years despite the fact that half of the branch was laid off and I got all of this extra work dumped on me.

Secondly, I need my iPhone to do a quick Google search for “broken arm home remedy” because I don’t have health insurance and I need to somehow justify the $150 phone bill I pay every month. Since I’m apparently not allowed to put avocados on toasted bread and post it to Instagram, I figured I’d teach myself how to fashion a makeshift splint out of plywood and old underwear while biting on a piece of tile and waiting for the unskippable YouTube ad to run its course so I can administer first aid from the comfort of the studio apartment I share with three other roommates.

But I’m as frugal as frugal can be. Here’s a list of other things I don’t allow myself to enjoy because I decided to go to art school when I was 18: streaming, dining out, ride-sharing, getting drinks with friends, going to shows, paying my water bill, and turning the heat on.

Now, you may want to ask, “Are you suffering?” Yes, immeasurably! But I’m one slow-drip cup of Maxwell House closer to financial stability.

Just kidding, I’m going to die like this.

Woman Knows Name and Birthday of Every Dog in Neighborhood But Cannot Remember Name of Any Human Neighbors

Posted on by The Hard Times Staff

LOS ANGELES — Local woman Carmen Montozo admitted to knowing intimate details about each dog in her neighborhood while failing to learn the names of any one of her human neighbors, confirmed multiple sources who also don’t know her name.

“It’s kind of funny that I see the same seven people every single day of my life and I don’t know a single thing about them. But I know their dog’s name, their birthdays, any recent health concerns, their favorite treats, their style of play, and that’s just the beginning,” said Montozo. “Take Pepper for example, she’s a border collie mix that was rescued in Mexico and adopted out through Mutt Scouts. She doesn’t like when someone touches her paws, and she takes Trifexis as her flea and tick medication. I have her owner’s phone number in my phone if they ever need a dog sitter, but he’s just in there as ‘Pepper’s Dad.’ I think his name might be Robert, or maybe it’s Mike. I know he drives a Subaru.”

Matt MacDonald is a dog owner who frequently runs into Montozo while walking his Husky named Abby.

“I got Abby about four years ago and that’s when I met, uh, I think her name might be Mary or something. I wouldn’t say she and I are friends, but Abby absolutely loves her. She brought a huge cake to Abby’s third birthday that she made herself. All the other dogs from the neighborhood were invited and I can confidently say I didn’t know a single name of any person there,” said MacDonald. “It would just be too awkward to ask someone their name at this point. I usually just address the dog owners by calling them ‘Big guy,’ or ‘Chief.’ Unless I’m talking to the guy who owns a German Shepherd named Chief, I usually just say ‘There he is’ any time I see him.”

Social psychologist Dr. Aram Medvedian says it’s very common for humans to become more attached to dogs than their neighbors.

“It’s pretty simple, dogs are apolitical, humans are not. A dog will never start talking about how Trump will run this country like a business, or claim Israel can do whatever it wants to ‘defend themselves,’” said Dr. Medvedian. “So instead of having actual conversations with the dog’s owner it’s easiest to just ask the dog a semi-rhetorical question like ‘who’s a good boy?’ and ‘show me that tail wag?’”

At press time, Montozo was agonizing over which dog she would vote for as the ceremonial mayor of the neighborhood.

Photo by Brianna Tuma-Marcella.

Help! My Boyfriend Is 5 Years Older Than Me And Won’t Stop Making References to Early 2000s Flash Animations I Don’t Understand

Posted on by Stephen Bell

Me and my boyfriend Mark started dating a little bit ago and he’s great and everything but there is a slight age gap between us. I’m 25 and he’s 30 which isn’t a big deal in terms of age differences, but lordy I did not expect those years to make that big of a difference when it came to understanding certain referential bits of humor. Mainly in that he keeps referring to early 2000s flash animations and I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about.

It all started when I told him to slow down while driving because the speed limit was 55 and he started saying “Schfifty-Five” a lot while calling me a little girl and saying that his IQ was also Schfifty-Five. Suddenly he’s giggling like a small child and I have no idea what’s so funny.

Later on we were talking about how North Korea was doing that thing where it pretends it’s going to nuke everyone again. He starts rambling about how it’ll really start when the US decides to take on those “Chinese sons of bitches” and how the French will be too “le tired” to do anything about it while Australia is all like “WTF.” His analysis of the situation did not calm my nerves and I thought maybe he was a racist for a second until he explained it was another cartoon he watched.

He offered to show me all of these things and asked if I had even heard of AlbinoBlackSheep which confused me more because that’s an oxymoron which I realize is the joke. He then asked me about watching stuff on NewGrounds and while I have heard of it, to be honest most of the stuff hosted there has made its way to YouTube so I’ve never needed to visit it. He tried to get me to watch something called the ‘Demented Cartoon Movie” but I just didn’t get it. It was completely asinine because there were no jokes, just randomness. Like it seemed like the type of thing only a 10-year-old would laugh at. Which I guess is how old he was when he first watched it.

I will say that I did know who Trogdor was but for the wrong reasons. I only knew about Trogdor because that song was featured on “Guitar Hero 2” but when he mentioned someone named “Strongbad” and asked if I ever wanted to be a member of the “Teen Girl Squad” I was lost again.

It’s not all bad though. We eventually found that we both enjoyed watching “Charlie The Unicorn” and spent the rest of the night talking about going to “Candy Mountain.” That shit’s much funnier than any kamikaze watermelon ever could be.

Ghost Plays Show With Hotel Wastebaskets Over Heads After Luggage Containing Masks Gets Lost at Airport

Posted on by Chris Bowen

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Occult rockers Ghost performed their entire show with wastebaskets from a local Marriott on their heads after TSA lost their trademark masks in transit, several of the band’s apologists report.

“When we got to our hotel rooms and we all noticed that our masks were missing, the panic immediately set in,” one of the band’s eight Nameless Ghouls explained. “Knowing how quickly Tobias…err uhh Papa Emeritus…could fire us, we knew we had to act fast. One Ghoul suggested we just go out there with our shirts pulled over our heads like we’re about to get into a hockey fight or something. Another said we should just not cover our faces at all. Though that was a pretty good idea, using small trash bins as masks seemed far less silly and embarrassing. I don’t think anyone in the crowd even noticed.”

Many Ghost fans in the audience felt that they were witnessing a new, special chapter in the band’s career.

“When Ghost finally hit the stage, I knew something just seemed different than the previous 14 times I’d seen them,” superfan Erin Martinez explained. “It could’ve been the used tissues and banana peels strewn all over the stage and their clothes. Or maybe it was all the flies buzzing around their heads. I’m not sure, but I dig the new look. Not only does it give them a new refreshing sense of character, it’s also impressive to watch them perform an entire show constantly bumping into each other and no one getting seriously injured. I’m here for it.”

Tina Rucksfeld has witnessed many bands lose important stage gear in transit over her 35+ years working for the TSA.

“Legend has it that so many bands have lost stuff here at the airport in Rochester, it’s regarded as a portal to a different dimension,” Rucksfeld said. “I remember one time, Steven Tyler lost his bag of microphone stand cloth while traveling here to play a concert. Apparently, he used Burger King and McDonald’s burger wrappers that night in place of them. He tried to sue us, but the case was dropped, and I ended up with a brand new set of rags to polish my antique porcelain clown dolls with.”

At press time, many Ghost haters claimed the waste basket stunt had already been done by Mercyful Fate and Blue Oyster Cult decades ago.

Every Elliott Smith Album Ranked Worst to Best

Posted on by Jacky Pritchard

Elliott Smith is a legendary songwriter whose work earned him an Academy Award nomination (“Miss Misery,” which was absolutely robbed in 1998 by the hacky “My Heart Will Go On.”) His music and lyrics have also inspired artists from Conor Oberst and Phoebe Bridgers to Frank Ocean and Mac Miller. Smith’s six studio albums are a masterclass in songwriting, spinning despair into sonic gold. We can also say that Elliott Smith does not have a single bad album, ranking these from “Worst to Best” is most like “Least Best to Best Best.” Prepare yourself for a stroll through a somber discography, which, if played loud enough, might prompt those around you to check in, leading you to reassure them ‘it’s okay, it’s alright, nothing’s wrong.”

6. Roman Candle (1994)

This album represents Elliott Smith’s first foray into solo artistry, a sparse and unembellished introduction to his musical journey. This album, stark and intimate, unfolds like a series of confessions whispered in solitude. With its minimalist approach, Smith strips back the layers to reveal the essence of his songwriting—delicate guitar work paired with his earnest, soft vocals. Each track provides a window into his introspective world, laying the groundwork for the intricate narrative voice defining his later works. While “Roman Candle” shines with raw brilliance in moments, it’s more a hint of the artist’s future potential than a peak. This foundational album is a crucial chapter in understanding Smith’s evolution, showcasing his burgeoning talent yet hinting that his most profound work was still on the horizon.

Play it Again: “No Name #3,” “Last Call”
Skip it: “Drive All Over Town”

5. XO (1998)

“XO” is Elliott Smith’s ambitious major label debut, a significant turning point in his discography that finds itself at number five. This album is a fusion of his lo-fi beginnings with a more polished and expansive sound, signaling a new chapter in his musical journey. Smith delicately balances his acoustic roots with richer, more complex arrangements, creating an intricate and deeply personal tapestry. “XO” showcases his ability to evolve without losing the core of his introspective essence, offering a collection of textured and layered songs, yet unmistakably Elliott. Despite its standout moments and broader soundscapes, “XO” doesn’t consistently reach the peaks of his later work, positioning it as a pivotal but not the definitive chapter in Smith’s evolution. It hints at his potential to compose well-produced rock songs, laying the groundwork for his upcoming albums.

Play it Again: “Baby Britain,” “Waltz #2 (XO)”
Skip it: “A Question Mark”

Honorable Mention: New Moon (2007)

“New Moon” delves into Elliott Smith’s vault, presenting a treasure trove of unreleased tracks and B-sides that offer a unique glimpse into his artistic journey. This collection, not officially part of his main studio catalog, serves as a deep dive into the raw, unpolished undercurrents of Smith’s songwriting. It’s akin to discovering a hidden drawer of sketches, each resonating with the authentic essence of his creative process. These tracks, spanning from 1994 to 1997, provide a poignant look at Smith’s evolving artistry, capturing moments of vulnerability and emotion. “New Moon” is a testament to Smith’s enduring talent, showcasing a side of him that’s both delicate and rugged and shows the intimate acoustic charm that defined his early work.

Play it Again: “Whatever (Folk Song in C),” “New Monkey”
Skip it: “Seen How Things Are Hard”

4. Figure 8 (2000)

This album marks Elliott Smith’s evolution into a realm where his intimate acoustic origins meet a more ambitious, rockstar-like polish. His second major label release is praised by fans and critics for its rich tapestry of sound—melding diverse instrumentation with intricate arrangements. It signifies Smith’s transition, merging the heartfelt storytelling of his past with a grander, more intricate musical canvas. “Figure 8” captures Smith at a point where his artistry burgeoned into something more expansive while maintaining the emotional core that is quintessentially his. Despite its broader scope and Smith’s venture into ‘rockstar’ territory while retaining his distinctive songwriting charm, the album doesn’t quite reach the pinnacle of his discography. It’s a significant chapter in Smith’s musical journey, showcasing an unmistakable evolution and a step towards a more elaborate sonic landscape. Also, I always laugh at the thought of thousands of people accidentally listening to “Somebody That I Used to Know” from this album while trying to listen to Goyte’s smash-hit of the same name.

Play it Again: “Junk Bond Trader,” “Son of Sam”
Skip it: “Bye”

3. From a Basement on the Hill (2004)

“From a Basement on the Hill” stands as Elliott Smith’s poignant posthumous release, a window into the uncharted territory he was beginning to explore. This album merges the raw emotional intensity of his earlier works with a daring, experimental edge, marking a shift to an even more bitter and cynical vibe. It’s an album that vibrates with urgency and innovation, capturing Smith at a potential turning point in his artistry. Each track resonates with a sense of what could have been as Smith delves into a blend of familiar sounds and new, experimental directions. “From a Basement on the Hill” is not just a collection of songs; it’s a bittersweet testament to Smith’s evolving genius, offering a tantalizing glimpse of a future tragically left unrealized. While it showcases his talent in raw, unfiltered glory, it also leaves us pondering the masterpieces that might have followed, positioning this album as an essential, yet hauntingly incomplete, chapter in his legacy.

Play it Again: “Kings Crossing,” “A Fond Farewell”
Skip it: “Ostrich and Chirping” (unless you’re curious about the title’s literal sounds).

2. Self-Titled (1995)

The runner-up spot is deservedly claimed by “Elliott Smith,” an album that not only cements his status as an acoustic singer-songwriter par excellence but also distills the essence of his artistry. This eponymous release serves as a profound exploration of Smith’s ability to weave deeply personal narratives with nothing more than his voice and a guitar. Each track showcases his songwriting at its most raw and pure, with gentle strums and passionate vocals that connect directly to the listener’s soul. The album’s intimate, unvarnished honesty offers a quintessential Elliott Smith experience, presenting a collection of songs that are as hauntingly beautiful as they are starkly honest. It is a seminal work in his catalog, a must-listen for long-time fans and newcomers, encapsulating the raw emotional depth and minimalistic beauty that define his legacy.

Play it Again: “The Biggest Lie,” “The White Lady Loves You More”
Skip it: None.

1. Either/Or (1997)

Elliott Smith’s magnum opus, a testament to his profound artistry and emotional depth. This seminal album gained mainstream attention with its inclusion in the “Good Will Hunting” soundtrack, which not only brought Smith’s music to a broader audience but also immortalized tracks like “Between the Bars” and “Say Yes” in cinematic history. “Either/Or” is Smith’s most accessible yet deeply poignant work, blending his signature intricate guitar play with reflective lyrics to craft songs that resonate with a haunting beauty. The album’s raw, expressive power and impeccable songwriting highlight Smith’s genius at its peak, offering tracks demonstrating his unparalleled ability to weave intricate emotional narratives with simple, evocative acoustic arrangements. “Either/Or” is not just an album; it’s a masterclass in storytelling, a beacon in the indie folk genre, and the quintessential representation of Smith’s enduring legacy.

Play it Again: “Ballad of Big Nothing,” “Rose Parade”
Skip it: None