Americans are widely known to be ignorant about the rest of the world: many can’t even point out foreign countries on a map, let alone discern the nuances of the Australian and New Zealand flags.
We asked five Americans if they could spot the differences between them, and would you believe it? Every single one of them broke down crying and begged us for healthcare.
Does the Australian or New Zealand flag have more stars?
Tory Francis, Baltimore:
“I’m sorry, I can’t really focus on this right now because I can’t get my Adderall prescription filled because my health insurance keeps changing, and then they keep sending my prescription to Rite Aid, which doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve been on the phone for five hours. I feel like I was just stabilizing and now this… I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
Which flag has four 5-pointed red stars with white borders?
Nika Robin, Kansas City:
“Do you guys have any spare antibiotics lying around? I’m pretty sure I have a UTI, but I can’t afford insurance, and also, I make too much money for Planned Parenthood’s sliding scale.”
Which flag features the Commonwealth Star, with seven points representing the Federation?
Christopher Oakly, Albany:
“What? Sorry, I’m listening to a free meditation app to deal with my anxiety. The other day, I was hyperventilating, so I had to go to the ER because I wasn’t sure if I was having a heart attack or a panic attack, and now I have to pay thousands of dollars for them to tell me it was a panic attack, and now the extreme debt I’m in is possibly giving me further panic attacks.”
Okay, here’s an easy one: Why do both flags feature the Union Jack?
Braydon Travis, Berkely:
“Not to be weird, but do you mind taking a look at this rash? It’s either shingles or a new plague. I just aged out of my parents’ health insurance, and also they refused to vaccinate me.”
Keeping it simple: Here are pictures of both the Australian and New Zealand flags. Which is which?
Madison Hollis, Denton:
“So I actually know the difference, but my glasses broke, and my job doesn’t provide vision insurance, so these are too blurry for me to tell.”
There you have it folks! Americans don’t know jack shit. We would have interviewed more people, but we’re dealing with an impacted molar and sure as hell don’t have dental.
