Laurie Bolewitz, Author at HARDTIMES

We Asked 5 Americans if They Could Spot the Difference Between the Australian and New Zealand Flags, and They Just Started Crying and Asked for Healthcare

May 7, 2026

Americans are widely known to be ignorant about the rest of the world: many can’t even point out foreign countries…

Delta, United, American Airlines Reaffirm Their Commitment To Charge Higher Prices for Increasingly Shitty Experience

May 5, 2026

CHICAGO — Upon news of Spirit Airlines officially shutting down, Delta, United, and American Airlines reaffirmed their commitment to consistently…

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We Sat Down to Discuss Strategy with Longtime DNC Strategists Ned Flanders’s Parents

December 20, 2025

As the United States descends further into fascistic chaos, the American people continue to look to their elected leaders to…

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Woman’s Morning Positive Affirmations Replaced with Fiona Apple’s 1997 VMAs “This World is Bullshit” Speech

August 19, 2025

NEW YORK CITY — Local woman Ashleigh Deacon officially replaced her morning positive affirmations with the entirety of Fiona Apple’s…

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Opinion: Don’t Worry, We Can’t Have Re-Education Camps if We Weren’t Educated in the First Place

June 25, 2025

With growing concern surrounding misinformation, propaganda, and proposals of state-sanctioned “wellness camps,” Americans today are friggin’ scared. Are re-education camps…

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We’ve Been Waiting Behind the Boathouse for 30+ Years but the Guy From The Toadies Has Yet To Appear and Show Us His Dark Secret

May 18, 2025

You may think of us as just piddling music journalists, but we here at the Hard Times are hard-hitting investigative…

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New GWAR Lead Vocalist Announced with Towering Cloud of White Cum

April 22, 2025

RICHMOND, Va. — Metal band GWAR’s newest lead vocalist was announced via a giant white steam cloud of creamy ejaculate…

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Poser Alert! Guy Wearing Shirt Can’t Name Any Victims of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire

September 9, 2024

NEW YORK — Local man and frequent shirt-wearer Tim Abderman stands accused of being a total poser due to his…

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