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Woman Knows Name and Birthday of Every Dog in Neighborhood But Cannot Remember Name of Any Human Neighbors

LOS ANGELES — Local woman Carmen Montozo admitted to knowing intimate details about each dog in her neighborhood while failing to learn the names of any one of her human neighbors, confirmed multiple sources who also don’t know her name.

“It’s kind of funny that I see the same seven people every single day of my life and I don’t know a single thing about them. But I know their dog’s name, their birthdays, any recent health concerns, their favorite treats, their style of play, and that’s just the beginning,” said Montozo. “Take Pepper for example, she’s a border collie mix that was rescued in Mexico and adopted out through Mutt Scouts. She doesn’t like when someone touches her paws, and she takes Trifexis as her flea and tick medication. I have her owner’s phone number in my phone if they ever need a dog sitter, but he’s just in there as ‘Pepper’s Dad.’ I think his name might be Robert, or maybe it’s Mike. I know he drives a Subaru.”

Matt MacDonald is a dog owner who frequently runs into Montozo while walking his Husky named Abby.

“I got Abby about four years ago and that’s when I met, uh, I think her name might be Mary or something. I wouldn’t say she and I are friends, but Abby absolutely loves her. She brought a huge cake to Abby’s third birthday that she made herself. All the other dogs from the neighborhood were invited and I can confidently say I didn’t know a single name of any person there,” said MacDonald. “It would just be too awkward to ask someone their name at this point. I usually just address the dog owners by calling them ‘Big guy,’ or ‘Chief.’ Unless I’m talking to the guy who owns a German Shepherd named Chief, I usually just say ‘There he is’ any time I see him.”

Social psychologist Dr. Aram Medvedian says it’s very common for humans to become more attached to dogs than their neighbors.

“It’s pretty simple, dogs are apolitical, humans are not. A dog will never start talking about how Trump will run this country like a business, or claim Israel can do whatever it wants to ‘defend themselves,’” said Dr. Medvedian. “So instead of having actual conversations with the dog’s owner it’s easiest to just ask the dog a semi-rhetorical question like ‘who’s a good boy?’ and ‘show me that tail wag?’”

At press time, Montozo was agonizing over which dog she would vote for as the ceremonial mayor of the neighborhood.

Photo by Brianna Tuma-Marcella.