LIVINGSTON, Tenn. — Local police officer Brad Jenkins vocally expressed concern that illegal immigrants were in town eating all of the neighborhood dogs he was…
You know, folks, there’s a question that keeps me up at night, and I think it’s time we all start asking it out loud. What…
CANTON, Conn. — A local canine owner was stunned to see that his neighborhood’s dog park was completely overrun by opossums owned by dedicated members…
NEW YORK — The ASPCA announced that adoptions have increased over 600% after switching their long-standing advertising music from Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” with a two-second…
CHICAGO — A local doggy daycare center went berserk after the Smashing Pumpkins lyric “wanna go for a ride” from the song “Zero” played on…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Carmen Montozo admitted to knowing intimate details about each dog in her neighborhood while failing to learn the names of…
Prejudice is a uniquely human trait, but we’re not content limiting our malignant biases to just our fellow man, are we? Thanks to misinformation in…
NEW YORK – The 20th annual Puppy Bowl is expected to open with an elaborate fireworks display which has many of the animal handlers questioning…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Current occupants of notorious punk house Shitshow Chateau revealed that their resident pitbull Hammer is the only inhabitant that has not bitten…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local punk dog Rex Pistols reportedly refuses to eat anything but Doc Martens boots, puzzled sources confirmed. “Hell no, I’m not eating…
LONDON — King Charles recently decided enough time has finally passed to have the Queen’s beloved corgis formally executed in a public beheading, not totally…
Dogs aren’t just man’s best friend: canines are the Almighty’s most favored species by a goddamn mile. Alone among all created beings, dogs have been…
PHILADELPHIA — Local rock band Royale Slats played an afternoon set at Parsleybrick Beer Garden to a crowd containing more pups than people, slobber-covered sources…
PITTSBURGH — Owner of the Sound Spynners record shop Dale Randly once again released a pack of vicious dogs on shoppers who compared their prices…
Alright, I want everyone to just settle down. I realize many of you find this unorthodox, but let’s focus on the facts. Yes, this man…