ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Occult rockers Ghost performed their entire show with wastebaskets from a local Marriott on their heads after TSA lost their trademark masks in transit, several of the band’s apologists report.
“When we got to our hotel rooms and we all noticed that our masks were missing, the panic immediately set in,” one of the band’s eight Nameless Ghouls explained. “Knowing how quickly Tobias…err uhh Papa Emeritus…could fire us, we knew we had to act fast. One Ghoul suggested we just go out there with our shirts pulled over our heads like we’re about to get into a hockey fight or something. Another said we should just not cover our faces at all. Though that was a pretty good idea, using small trash bins as masks seemed far less silly and embarrassing. I don’t think anyone in the crowd even noticed.”
Many Ghost fans in the audience felt that they were witnessing a new, special chapter in the band’s career.
“When Ghost finally hit the stage, I knew something just seemed different than the previous 14 times I’d seen them,” superfan Erin Martinez explained. “It could’ve been the used tissues and banana peels strewn all over the stage and their clothes. Or maybe it was all the flies buzzing around their heads. I’m not sure, but I dig the new look. Not only does it give them a new refreshing sense of character, it’s also impressive to watch them perform an entire show constantly bumping into each other and no one getting seriously injured. I’m here for it.”
Tina Rucksfeld has witnessed many bands lose important stage gear in transit over her 35+ years working for the TSA.
“Legend has it that so many bands have lost stuff here at the airport in Rochester, it’s regarded as a portal to a different dimension,” Rucksfeld said. “I remember one time, Steven Tyler lost his bag of microphone stand cloth while traveling here to play a concert. Apparently, he used Burger King and McDonald’s burger wrappers that night in place of them. He tried to sue us, but the case was dropped, and I ended up with a brand new set of rags to polish my antique porcelain clown dolls with.”
At press time, many Ghost haters claimed the waste basket stunt had already been done by Mercyful Fate and Blue Oyster Cult decades ago.