In order to stray from passive learning environments, which hinder conceptual understanding, California has Common Core State Standards (CCSS) in place to help students compete with high school graduates from around the country, and even around the world, in our century’s rapidly changing job market. The standards, intended to emphasize critical thinking and class discussion, have indeed helped the state show progress. However, popular rock band Van Halen has unwittingly introduced us to the wanton disarray plaguing Southern California’s education system. As such, here are four Common Core Education Standards missing from their 1984 music video for “Hot For Teacher”.

Reading Standard #1: Cite textual evidence to support analysis of what the text says explicitly as well as inferences drawn from the text.

The opening classroom shot seems promising as students are shown with books on their desks, but any discussion of what’s contained therein is quickly dismissed as we see their teacher enter the classroom in a blue bikini. The resulting ruckus is far from a thorough demonstration of subject matter comprehension, and we recommend the students revert their focus to their assigned reading.

Writing Standard #4: Produce clear and coherent writing in which the development, organization, and style are appropriate to the task, purpose, and audience.

There’s a moment of potential after the first chorus as we see the students holding up their pencils, but that quickly vanishes as the setting quickly changes to the cafeteria, where the teacher once again enters in a bikini. We are beginning to think the required credentials for educators are not strict enough, and strident leaps need to be made there before we can address the kids’ writing deficiencies.

Literacy in Science and Technical Subjects #6: Analyze the author’s purpose in  providing an explanation, describing a procedure, or discussing an experiment in a text.

Literacy in science is especially wanting in today’s world, which is why it’s so heartbreaking to not see so much as a science textbook, let alone a test tube or Erlenmeyer flask, in this video. The teacher needs to cut some minutes from her classroom’s designated debauchery hour so as to leave some room for introductory analysis of peer-reviewed journals. 

Writing Standards for Literacy in History/Social Studies, Science, and Technical Subjects #9: Draw evidence from informational texts to support analysis, reflection, and research

What’s particularly distressing in the video is the chalkboard behind the strutting bikini babe going completely unused. This valuable tool should be utilized to foster discussion with her students to help them strengthen their burgeoning analytical skills, but instead it’s being completely ignored and unused as the room’s focus is wastefully directed at her physical attributes.