Review: Meta Glasses — Finally, a Cybertruck for My Dumb, Mouth-Breather Face
I always wanted a Cybertruck, but times are tight — my credit score is horrible, and I don’t have a…
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Ben Sobieck
26 stories found
Millennial Struggles To Explain What a DVD-ROM Was
MINNEAPOLIS — Exasperated millennial Mitch Kurtz struggled to define “DVD-ROM,” a piece of portable technology popular in the 2000s, sources…
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Hardcore Version of ‘Surrounded’ Features One Henry Rollins vs. 20 Henry Rollins
NASHVILLE — Henry Rollins will square off with 20 Henry Rollins in the next episode of Jubilee Media’s hit YouTube…
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Last Chick-fil-A Desegregates
HERITAGE, Miss. — Chick-fil-A announced its last restaurant to desegregate has finally done so, sources confirmed. “This brings to an…
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All-American Rejects Play Pop-Up Show During All-American Rejects Set
HAVERFORD, Pa. — The All-American Rejects played a surprise pop-up show during an All-American Rejects set at the Haverford Skatium,…
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Concert Sponsored by Spotify Lets Premium Ticket Holders Skip Songs They Don’t Like
NEW YORK — Spotify debuted a live concert concept where premium ticket holders can skip the songs they don’t like,…
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Opinion: You Lose 100% of the Fights You Don’t Start
Paddy “Punk” Pearlman is the promoter and self-proclaimed manager of The Hard Times. Paddy has an appreciation for “the bleeding…
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RFK Jr. Asks if He Can Bring Trump’s Rotting Arm Home to Put in Freezer
WASHINGTON — United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. asked if he could take home…
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Aging B-Boy Has Groove in the Heart, Kidneys, Lymphatic System
DISCO, Wisc. — Renowned b-boy and breakdancer Derrick Emu stunned Deee-Lite fans by revealing the groove he contracted during his…
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Visionary Photographer Tells Band to Look as Bored as Possible
LOS ANGELES — A visionary photographer told the band Murder Muffin to look as bored as possible during a photo…
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