LAS VEGAS — In a shocking turn that has the entire court in a tailspin, prosecutors have announced that Tupac Shakur is set to testify in the trial of Duane “Keffe D” Davis, the man charged with orchestrating the 1996 murder of Tupac Shakur, sources within the Las Vegas Justice Department have confirmed.
“This is really making it hard for us to stay focused on the facts of the case,” reported one juror choosing to remain anonymous. “Apparently both the prosecution and defense are only allowed to ask him questions directly related to the shooting, not anything about how he’s alive, how he’s managed to let the world believe he’s dead this whole time, not if he plans on returning to music or acting, nothing. Honestly though, just his presence alone raises more questions than it answers. Mostly, we’re all starting to wonder why we’re even having a murder trial for an evidently alive person in the first place, but we just keep getting told, ‘Those queries do not pertain to the case at hand.’ Seems pretty darn relevant to me!”
Tupac declined all press questions on the short walk between the courthouse and his car.
“I’m here to make sure there’s a Tupac sighting at the trial for my murder,” Shakur said, visibily irritated. “I’ll go back to living in Scotland after it’s done.”
The car he got into was later spotted at a small bodega, where witnesses claim Tupac purchased AAA batteries for his roommate Kurt Cobain.
This is a breaking story, and we’ll have more as it develops.
