CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Researchers at Harvard University determined that 100% of Millennials suffer from PTSD linked to exposure to the website rotten.com, confirmed sources who…
BOSTON – Researchers at Harvard University studying the negative effects of phone usage before bed concluded that nothing fucking matters and you should do whatever…
AMHERST, Mass. — A new study conducted by the University Of Massachusetts found that roughly 9,000 bottles of perfectly good wine are wasted on rug…
NEW YORK — An alarming scientific study has discovered that the absolute worst drivers in the US are almost exclusively from whichever state or states…
DURHAM, N.C. — Researchers at Duke University made the startling discovery that the male brain does not fully mature until death, confirmed sources who didn’t…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Stanford University’s Fear Response & Behavioral Sciences Department officially confirmed “Can we talk?” as the scariest text of all time, according…
BOSTON — Studies conducted at MIT show that when visiting a Chipotle Mexican Grill location, the person in front of you will always be a…
ANN ARBOR— A new study out of the University of Michigan found that 95% of bras being worn worldwide contain a small handful of popcorn…
DELRAY, Mich. — Leading Juggalo scientists confirmed fascinating new research which indicates that “whoop whoop” has numerous meanings including “hello,” “goodbye,” and “show me your…
WASHINGTON — A recent study conducted by Georgetown University showed that at least 90 percent of active math rock bands fail to meet their state’s…
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — A new study revealed that the average millennial has heard the intro to the Minutemen’s classic “Corona” around 25,000 times by the…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Initial intimidation of the 6’ 7 muscly, bearded, heavily tattooed man with his arms crossed was subsequently squashed as word spread of…
LOS ANGELES — Three legendary punk frontmen, Dexter Holland, Milo Aukerman, and Greg Graffin, all departed their respective bands to join forces and prepare for…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — A study at the University of Rochester concluded that a staggering 83% of all traffic accidents are directly related to drivers attempting…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A new study from Brown University concluded that roughly 15% of the entire U.S. economy is based on subscriptions you either forgot…