Who’s got two horns, helped to spearhead the first wave (and only true wave, for my money) of black metal and just hit the big…
Feel Old Yet? The Demon Goat Guy on the Cover of Venom’s “Black Metal” Just Had His 4,078th Birthday
WASHINGTON — President Biden sent his longtime friend Benjamin Netanyahu a thoughtful handwritten birthday card with a crisp $5 fresh off the mint, as well…
COLTS NECK, N.J. — 40-year-old Luke Childers grew increasingly despondent as his birthday party came to a close, realizing for the third decade in a…
CHICAGO — Local pooch Hamburger is reportedly hiding under his home’s kitchen table from Fourth of July fireworks, not due to fear of the sound,…
If you’re thinking, “wait, the ‘Euphoria’ cast has time to celebrate birthdays in between smashing each other silly within their incestuous peer group, taking every…
My buddy Jeremy has been feeling pretty depressed lately and his birthday was coming up. So I decided to throw him a party and I…
WARWICK, R.I. — Longtime Dave & Buster’s customer and man who’s had a real rough go of it lately Geoff Pond was shocked when he…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local deadhead Conrad Heath announced that, while he certainly appreciates his loved ones singing “Happy Birthday” to him every year, no performance…
The Hard Times launched on December 14, 2014, and since then we have continued to bring you the most hard-hitting, unbiased reporting in the entire…
You guys are my best friends. We’ve been through a lot together, and nothing is ever going to change that. But if you told the…
ELLENSBURG, Wash. — Members of local skiffle-punk revival band Rat Boy and The Cheese Police agreed to practice a song written by the group’s drummer,…
There’s nothing worse than a gray, flavorless steak. You might as well be eating a piece of shoe leather! Fortunately, we can give you tips…
TOLEDO, Ohio. – Local goth office worker Todd Schmidt admitted privately that he is secretly craving a slice of the delicious Funfetti birthday cake that’s…
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio. — A Cameo greeting from acclaimed character actor, Michael Shannon, left the recipient of the message Josh Gaither unable to sleep and thoroughly…
Girlfriends are always trying to fix you. Eat healthy. Get your GED. Don’t forget my birthday. At a certain point, you have to start living…