Opinion “Eat, Sleep, Pretend Your Hobby Defines You as a Person, Repeat”
You're a beautiful and unique snowflake, aren't you? Of course you are, you fucking bad-ass! So, what's your favorite hobby?…
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Mark Shady
10 stories found
New Welfare Stipulation Requires Recipients to Promise Not to Enjoy Purchased Goods
FRESNO, Calif. — A new welfare stipulation requires recipients to pledge that they will not enjoy any purchased goods from…
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Fox News Says Laura Ingraham’s Dreams Count as Real Stories
NEW YORK — Conservative cable network Fox News revealed that host Laura Ingraham’s dreams now officially counted as real news…
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Diddy to be Allowed Conjugal Freak-Offs
FORT DIX, N.J. — The Fort Dix Federal Correctional Institute announced that it has granted Sean “Diddy” Combs conjugal freak-offs,…
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Band Not Cool Being Associated With Genre They Sound Exactly Like
COOS BAY, Ore. — Members of Shivtank made it perfectly clear that they were absolutely not cool being associated with…
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Reverse T-Rex? My Boss Can Only See Employees When They’re Not Doing Anything
We learned everything we needed to know about dinosaurs from “Jurassic Park.” We learned that velociraptors are clever girls, that…
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New Uber Feature Matches Intoxicated Riders With Intoxicated Drivers
SAN FRANCISCO — Popular rideshare app Uber announced a new feature that would match intoxicated riders with intoxicated drivers, confirmed…
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Former Child Star Drunkenly Googles “Where Am I Now?”
LOS ANGELES — Former child star Ricky Dugan was seen drunkenly Googling “where am I now?” after a night out…
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“Euphoria” Cast Members Ranked by How Likely They Are to Celebrate Their Birthday Week
If you're thinking, "wait, the ‘Euphoria’ cast has time to celebrate birthdays in between smashing each other silly within their…
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Man Plans to Introduce His “You Don’t Know What Cold Weather Is” Friend to His “This Ain’t a Traffic Jam” Friend
CHICAGO – Local man Chad Hester finally made the decision to introduce his “you don’t know what cold weather is”…
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