SALT LAKE CITY — Longtime Imagine Dragons fan Katie Graham celebrated her 11th birthday this week with a dull celebration modeled after her favorite band’s…
BALTIMORE — Local introvert Katie Pidacter quietly hoped yesterday that no one would remember her birthday this year, in order to avoid the looming pressure…
HILTON, N.Y. — Boyfriend and birthday boy Brad Krister insisted today he really doesn’t want anything from you this year other than to spend time…
ABINGTON, Mass. — Local birthday girl and outspoken anti-capitalist Beth Crowley received no birthday gifts for the third year in a row, thanks to friends…
LAWRENCE, Kan. — Elderly punk “lifer” Alicia Rosenblatt came to the difficult conclusion yesterday that her decades of punk spirit and ethos were indeed a…
INVERNESS, Ill. — All-around little piece of shit Brenden Mounce, 11, entertained a house full of jealous classmates this weekend due to the fact that…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local punk show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham cancelled his teenage daughter’s birthday party this morning due to “pathetically low” advanced ticket sales,…
GLENDALE, Calif. — Punk magician Dakota Fremont finished a trick at a child’s birthday party on Saturday by informing him that Fremont “didn’t give a…
Going vegan 6 months ago was the best decision you ever made and you’ve made sure to let EVERYONE know it. Sure, you might have lost…
PORTLAND, Ore. — David Hendershot, the friend who has bragged about his homemade kombucha for the past three months, finally figured out the perfect gift…
POCONOS MOUNTAINS, Penn. – Former Philadelphia resident and a lifelong follower of the straight edge lifestyle Craig Holden celebrated his 145th birthday this week in…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Local normie girlfriend Amanda James unveiled a bizarre, somewhat punk-themed arts and crafts disaster of a birthday present today, confirmed sources…
FORT WORTH, Texas – Danny Lopez, the longest-tenured straight edge member of the Fort Worth hardcore scene, celebrated his 24th birthday at a small private…