WASHINGTON — Justices of the Supreme Court announced that they will release their opinions early to select subscribers of a new Patreon account for die-hard…
WEST CHESTER, Penn. — Local Trump supporter Stephen Hall confirmed that he is happy about Trump’s win, but is a “little disappointed” that he won’t…
PHILADELPHIA – A groundbreaking thought experiment shows that Schrödinger’s Boys have apparently returned to town while simultaneously enjoying the delights of the countryside, according to…
NEW YORK — Spotify CEO Daniel Ek announced that the company would be laying off one-sixth of its workforce, though affected employees were offered an…
ST. LOUIS — A punk tribute to experimental composer John Cage ended with a triumphant thirteen-second cover of his most well-known (and controversial) work “4’33””,…
LONDON – Just hours after announcing a “new” Beatles song enabled by artificial intelligence, the surviving members of the seminal rock group, Paul McCartney and…
CLEVELAND, Ohio. — Pop rock band Goo Goo Dolls were once again voted “Third Best Band With ‘Goo Goo’ in the Name” for the twentieth…
PHILADELPHIA — Problematic punk Tom “Bigfoot” LaTucci was officially exiled from the local scene by the Punk Elder Tribunal this morning and banished to the…
PHILADELPHIA – Local man Travis Burnett revealed to his roommates this week that, without immediate intervention and deal making, he is going to reach his…
NEW YORK – Local Greek Orthodox punk Roland Lee admits he regularly misses out on limited edition Record Store Day releases due to the fact…
WASHINGTON – An audit of Supreme Court merchandise sales revealed that Justice Clarence Thomas pocketed roughly half the proceeds while failing to disclose said income…
NEW YORK — Punk savant Jacob Alvarez was reportedly born with an uncanny ability to spot a person with an extra cigarette from over two…
Where to begin? Weird Al’s work has been a cultural constant for decades, spanning fourteen studio albums, forty-six singles and dozens of perfectly placed farm…
LOS ANGELES — The cacophony of voices only audible to Beach Boys legend Brian Wilson today celebrated their 60th year of constantly insulting his car,…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local deadhead Conrad Heath announced that, while he certainly appreciates his loved ones singing “Happy Birthday” to him every year, no performance…