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Greek Orthodox Punk Celebrates Record Store Day Thirteen Days Later

NEW YORK – Local Greek Orthodox punk Roland Lee admits he regularly misses out on limited edition Record Store Day releases due to the fact he and his fellow practitioners celebrate the occasion 13 days later than most.

“Our scene runs on the Julian calendar,” said Lee, a self-described “Archpunk” who has led the Greek Orthodox scene “since before you were even fucking born, pal.” “Which is a thing my Greek friend Julian made up to explain why he wasn’t actually behind on rent one month. The whole house kinda ran with it, it grew and grew, and now a bunch of us celebrate Record Store Day two weeks after the rest of the world. It just sucks that last year we missed out on the Wipers reissue, so the only thing I was able to get was a copy of Kirk Hammet’s solo project, which I never even bothered opening.”

Sean “Booger” Howell, the owner of a local independent record store Booger’s Picks, lamented the Greek Orthodox punks and their effect on the store during the spring holiday season.

“Record Store Day used to be this big unifying thing,” said Howell. “Everyone in the scene came by, shot the shit, maybe bought an exclusive reissue or something. Now I gotta hold some of my best stuff for these weirdos or they get pissed, which in turn pisses off everyone else. And it’s not just Record Store Day that causes problems – it’s all the big holidays. I’ve had Orthodox employees showing up absolutely baked on May 3rd claiming that’s ‘their 4/20.’”

Other scenes in the tri-state area have taken notice of the Greek Orthodox punks and are said to be developing their own calendars, number systems and even variations in recording noise albums in suburban basements.

“We’re super inspired by what they’ve done over there,” said a member of a nearby scene, granted anonymity due to ongoing inter-scene drama. “The Greek Orthodox Punks are groundbreaking… the culture hacking, messing with the temporal bedrock of capitalism itself. We’re thinking of going even harder in that direction. Maybe we’ll celebrate Record Store Day zero times. I mean, who can afford that shit anyway?”

As of press time, Lee began stockpiling nicotine gum to prepare for his biannual 40-day cigarette fast.