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Goo Goo Dolls Voted Third Best Band With “Goo Goo” in the Name

CLEVELAND, Ohio. — Pop rock band Goo Goo Dolls were once again voted “Third Best Band With ‘Goo Goo’ in the Name” for the twentieth year in a row, sources who had differing opinions confirmed.

“We’re proud to once again be recognized for our contributions but to be fair, only one of the bands on this list wrote a song that was once in a Nicolas Cage movie,” said singer John Rzeznik. “Our journey from Buffalo, New York to international stardom a decade into our careers was nothing short of amazing and we remain so grateful to all the Gooheads out there who made it possible. Shout out to Goo Goo Hah Hah and Slash A-Goo-Goo for taking first and second place, respectively. Even though literally no one has heard of these groups, we’re totally fine with continually being beaten by bands with 100 monthly Spotify listeners. Really makes us feel good. Not pissed about it at all. Nope.”

Megafan Keith Buster has been following the band across the country and lingering outside their homes and recording studios for two decades.

“I’ve seen so many other ‘goo goo’ acts come and go go, but nothing beats the original,” said Buster. “To be honest, I’m surprised Goo Goo Dolls never won first place in their career. Last year, Mega Goo Goo Bomb and Goo Goo Destroyer won the top two spots. Plus, there were like four other bands on that list ahead of them. Goo Goo Dolls were actually ranked seventh best last year. But hey, I guess they’re making progress. Maybe next year will be the year they’re seen as the best ‘goo goo’ based band in the world.”

Industry insider and music historian Jamie Brockenburg was keen to note the unprecedented nature of the Dolls’ repeat selection.

“No one has been on the ‘goo goo’ shortlist for quite so long, nor has any group so patiently waited their turn at the brass ring,” said Brockenburg. “It’s an industry-wide lack of respect, like when Hoobastank got second best ‘stank’ band last year and fourth best band with ‘hooba’ in their name three years ago. Any honest critic will tell you that the Hooba boys are by far the stankiest. It’s almost like the judges have no idea what the word ‘hoobastank’ even means.”

As of press time, the Goo Goo Dolls were genuinely shocked to win “Best Band With ‘Dolls’ in the Name,” barely beating out the New York Dolls, Pussycat Dolls, and Dresden Dolls.