We desperately needed to raise our IQ by a few points, so we decided to re-listen to Tool’s five full-length albums and deliver a comprehensive ranking of them. If you are intimidated by this musical monolith and are looking to get started, or are just hoping to have your smug sense of superiority that stems from listening to a band that uses the letter “Æ” validated a little, our ranking of every Tool album is here for your convenience.
5. Undertow (1993)
Coming hot off the heels of their edgy, middle-finger-to-the-priest debut EP Opiate, Undertow sounds more like a pissed-off Soundgarden than the holier-than-thou musical mathematicians we know today. Check those sick drop-d riffs and slightly esoteric lyrical themes, though – they hit the ground running. Still, if you’re looking to “spiral out,” as the kids say, this isn’t the best place to start.
Play it again: “Flood,” the only track on here that vaguely resembles the epics Tool would go on to craft that last almost an entire high school geometry period.
Skip it: “Disgustipated,” unless you’re on shrooms with a friend you’re looking to piss off.
4. Fear Inoculum (2019)
This is what people who don’t like Tool think Tool sounds like. The six “main” tracks all run over ten minutes. You get the sense that the shortest of these, the 10:05 “Culling Voices,” was carefully dragged out just to get it over 9:59. The interludes are just ridiculous – they can’t even let their strongest asset, drummer Danny Carey, rip without including an incredibly irritating synthesizer on “Chocolate Chip Trip.” We haven’t even gotten to the level of pretension required to name a song “Pneuma.” This thing wasn’t worth waiting for thirteen months – let alone thirteen years.
Play it again: “7empest” actually twists this album’s weakness (that it sounds like a non-fan’s interpretation of Tool) into its strengths, with moments that recall the band’s history and a kickass guitar solo chucked in for good measure.
Skip it: “Pneuma” and every single crummy interlude they threw in as a “bonus” on the digital version.
3. 10,000 Days (2006)
Ah, now we’re getting into the hotly-contested top three. With a catalog this small, Tool’s fourth album is equally argued as being one of their best and one of their worst. We ranked it exactly in the middle so as not to piss any Tool diehard off, but some stellar moments are on this thing. The emotional climaxes of the title track and “Rosetta Stoned,” the former teary-eyed and the latter tongue-in-cheek, both work. Experiencing the pair might clue you in as to why so many fans of this band willingly walk around with a shirt bearing generic insult meaning ‘douche.’
Play it again: That title track is a genuinely moving song. You don’t need to be a Freemason to appreciate its power.
Skip it: It would be cheating to choose the “Viginti Tres” soundscape or the “Lipan Conjuring” interlude, so we’ll go with “Vicarious” for its lyrics that reek of a parent yelling at you to turn off the television.
2. Ænima (1996)
With muddy, hard-hitting production and songs dealing with everything from hookers with penises to musings on the psychological theories brought forth by the late Carl Jung, this is the reason why Tool fans are so fanatical about this band. It’s annoying to type out the title on an American keyboard, but [ed. note…*sigh* ctrl+c, ctrl+v] Ænima is a bonafide classic.
Play it again: “Third Eye” is a worthy successor to “The End” by The Doors, only without the Oedipus stuff. Hopefully we didn’t give Tool any ideas.
Skip it: How is a track named “Stinkfist” overplayed? Oh well, it is. Basic butt rock by Tool’s standards, pun not intended.
1. Lateralus (2001)
Cries of “spiral out, bro!” notwithstanding, this album is worthy of at least some of the Reddit-honed comparisons to The Dark Side of the Moon that it’s been gifted. From that earth-shattering scream in “The Grudge” to the final jam that is “Triad,” Lateralus is a phenomenal record if viewed in a vacuum devoid of vape clouds and ear gauges. Apart from the last track…
Play it again: Tracks 1-12.
Skip it: Track 13…well, unless you really want to open your third eye and ride the spiral, etc., etc…
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Many fans will argue that the rawness of this record puts it at the top of the list, while more discerning fans will tell you that it sounds terrible and the songs are underwhelming. Even the kid on the cover appears to be wondering where the band’s intensity went. I am well aware that this album is sacred to a lot of readers, but before you come at me in the comments section, please note that Ian MacKaye and Guy Picciotto have both admitted that it is not a good record. They should know, too, since they made the damn thing themselves, sans producer. Much of the experimentation on “Steady Diet of Nothing” was executed with greater success on their future releases, so let’s just move on.
Somehow “Red Medicine” is Fugazi’s most commercially successful album, which demonstrates how meaningless such a signifier can be. While some of the band’s best work is featured in this collection, the classics are often overshadowed or otherwise interrupted by lengthy and disjointed instrumentals. The resulting slog is not worth the highlights offered here.
“13 Songs” is actually a compilation of the band’s first two EPs and because of this we can’t in good conscience include it in the official rankings. We got a cryptic postcard from Ian himself saying “don’t you dare include this in your childish rankings.” As a standalone album, “13 Songs” is a near perfect collection. Pretty impressive considering that Guy wasn’t even really playing guitar in the band yet. Regardless, when compared with the entire discography, this record is a bit stale, no matter how fucking great “Waiting Room” is.
Ian decided to let Guy start playing guitar on this album. It was a failed attempt to curb his disruptive stage antics. Sonically, however, the results were mostly successful. The band enlisted not one, but two producers for this one. Unfortunately, neither of them could produce a lozenge for Guy. To make matters worse, the angular guitars on this one would later be cited to have heavily influenced insufferable bands like Franz Ferdinand and the Rapture. For this unforgivable reason alone, we have no choice but to rank this one a bit lower.
On “End Hits”, Fugazi’s penchant for ambience starts to fully coalesce with their penchant for absolutely tearing shit up. Hell, even bassist Joe Lally decided to sing his contributions at an audible volume for this one! Still, Ian makes us sit through four minutes of the barely listenable “Pink Frosty” before getting to Guy’s fiery closer, “F/D”
This album is so streamlined and crisp that if you told me it was released this year, I might believe you. Fresh out of the creative slump that birthed “Steady Diet of Nothing”, “In on the Kill Taker” finds the band playing at peak precision. It also finds Guy finally shaking his four-year cold to deliver some of the finest vocals of his entire career. All involved were ready to obliterate the preceding album with an absolute shit-kicker of a record.
Anybody who tells you that they don’t like “The Argument” is likely the same type of person who will look you dead in the eyes and say the Beatles weren’t a good band; both opinions are incorrect and only uttered to manufacture a false sense of hip contrarianism. Every single moment on this album is perfect. Any aspect of Fugazi’s earlier work that sounded overwrought or unfinished is finely tuned here like a Master’s thesis attempting to save a rocky final semester. Fugazi ultimately decided to drop out after this, and why the fuck not?
