I don’t know why everyone always complains about how hard it is to quit smoking, I did it the first time no problem. All I…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local “occasional” smoker Samantha Terrett recently realized her secret pack of cigarettes reserved for emergencies was empty for the fifth time this…
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. — Local eco-punk Teddy Vasquez recently explained the benefits of green energy to a carload of friends while tossing half-a-dozen cigarette butts…
SARASOTA, Fla. — Local punk Tabitha Milner recently lit a cigarette with a match on the first try, despite the fact that a Category 2…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local crust punk Zachary Kaiser was seen asking patrons on the patio of Inkwell Cafe if they were planning on eating their…
FARGO, N.D. — Local punk Calvin “Patch” McCambell is receiving less than stellar reviews from his community regarding his self-proclaimed act of altruism of putting…
WASHINGTON — A new report from the Food and Drug Administration confirmed that the rate of teenagers rhyming the word “cigarette” with the words “night…
Chewing your fingernails is a disgusting habit and there’s no better time to kick your lingering vice than right now. In fact, it’s much easier…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local doctor Elvin Grant advised a hardscrabble down-on-his-luck police detective to exclusively take their medication aggressively and by the fistful in the…
LINCOLN, Neb. — A local woman was seen performing life-sustaining measures on her Marlboro Menthol cigarette after finding it barely clinging to life at the…

Punk Makes Uneasy Truce With Security Guy as Only Two People Left In Office Building Who Still Smoke
SPOKANE, Wash. — Office punk Kory Strawser recently formed a tepid peace with the security guard at her day job when both came to the…
DENVER — Local beagle Danzig used what may be the first words uttered by a canine last week, allegedly to offer to fetch his owner…
These days, most people don’t care to know anything about the brands they wear. E-girls love wearing Thrasher despite never having stepped foot on a…