BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local crust punk Zachary Kaiser was seen asking patrons on the patio of Inkwell Cafe if they were planning on eating their…
NEW YORK — Punk savant Jacob Alvarez was reportedly born with an uncanny ability to spot a person with an extra cigarette from over two…
FARGO, N.D. — Local punk Calvin “Patch” McCambell is receiving less than stellar reviews from his community regarding his self-proclaimed act of altruism of putting…
WASHINGTON — A new report from the Food and Drug Administration confirmed that the rate of teenagers rhyming the word “cigarette” with the words “night…
Chewing your fingernails is a disgusting habit and there’s no better time to kick your lingering vice than right now. In fact, it’s much easier…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local doctor Elvin Grant advised a hardscrabble down-on-his-luck police detective to exclusively take their medication aggressively and by the fistful in the…
LINCOLN, Neb. — A local woman was seen performing life-sustaining measures on her Marlboro Menthol cigarette after finding it barely clinging to life at the…
Punk Makes Uneasy Truce With Security Guy as Only Two People Left In Office Building Who Still Smoke
Punk Makes Uneasy Truce With Security Guy as Only Two People Left In Office Building Who Still Smoke
SPOKANE, Wash. — Office punk Kory Strawser recently formed a tepid peace with the security guard at her day job when both came to the…
DENVER — Local beagle Danzig used what may be the first words uttered by a canine last week, allegedly to offer to fetch his owner…
These days, most people don’t care to know anything about the brands they wear. E-girls love wearing Thrasher despite never having stepped foot on a…
CHAUNCEY, Ohio — 11-year-old Boy Scout Albie Tamari is reportedly just one cigarette away from earning the highly esteemed Nicotine Patch to add to his…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk Zoey Thomas is absolutely outraged today after stranger, Daniel Morgan, accepted her $1 in exchange for a single cigarette outside…
When I was an impressionable youth, I was corrupted by cigarettes. At the tender age of 16, smoking ads were everywhere, displaying cool people wearing…
NEW YORK — Progressive punk Otto Williams replaced the phrase “bum a cigarette” earlier today with “homeless person a cigarette” in an attempt to be…