NEW YORK — Local punks using the bathroom of a supposed dive bar felt betrayed when they realized they could see themselves perfectly in the…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Fans of The Gaslight Anthem were disappointed to learn that the band’s long-awaited reunion tour will be postponed until the band…
WASHINGTON — A new report from the Food and Drug Administration confirmed that the rate of teenagers rhyming the word “cigarette” with the words “night…
CHICAGO — Local underdog and scrappy up-and-comer Luis Pollard could more accurately be described as a dud and a loser to anyone who has ever…
AUSTIN, Texas — Outdoor enthusiasts gathered today to celebrate the opening of a brand new multi-use outdoor space by watching a shitty-looking white guy perform…
ST. LOUIS — Frustrated siblings, Andrea and Nino Shore, finally decided that it was time to sit their aging parents down and give the exact…
SAN DIEGO — The “So-Cal Shimmy,” a brand new novelty party song, is enjoying a quick rise in popularity at weddings across the country because…
SEATTLE — A passionate bout of intercourse between local couple Robert Levin and Andrea MacNeil was put on hold this afternoon to flip a record…
LONDON — Best-selling author JK Rowling announced today that her new novel Troubled Blood will be published anonymously, written entirely in a greentext story on…
RACINE, Wis. — Local accountant and not-much-else Gary Wilkerson is alive despite astronomical odds to the contrary, according to sources who’ve already forgotten his name.…
Chances are, you’re familiar with Daffy Duck. At time of writing, the funny fowl has been splitting sides over the course of an astounding 83…