SAN DIEGO — The “So-Cal Shimmy,” a brand new novelty party song, is enjoying a quick rise in popularity at weddings across the country because the lyrics are just instructions on how to properly dance to it, according to slightly tipsy party-goers everywhere.
“It was a simple process, honestly,” said musician Doctor Dap The Master of Rap. “I had the beat, and people liked it, but everyone kept doing these different dances to it. I figured, it’s my beat, it’s my song, I should get to pick the dance! But then I thought ‘how do I get people to step right, clap it out, step left, clap it out, lean back, clap it in, turn around, lean back, and drop it down just right?’ The answer hit me like, well, it hit me like someone doing the dance wrong.”
Many wedding guests seem relieved that the song has caught on.
“Just try to keep me off the dance floor when the beat to ‘So-Cal Shimmy’ drops,” said Julian Hill while enjoying his 12th glass of wine. “I work a pretty stressful job in a boring office building. I can really only let loose at holidays and when people get married, so it’s nice that the song walks you through exactly what to do in exactly what order. I’ve got a reputation for being this kind of crazy guy who really goes hard, you wouldn’t believe how good I am at following instructions.”
However, not everyone agrees about the enjoyability of these songs.
“It’s these sorts of songs that make me wish I went to dental school,” said a wedding DJ, whose business card identifies him as Max Vibes. “The longer the night goes on, the more of them I’m forced to play because some guy with a crew cut flashes a badge at me and says his wife really wants to dance. You ever seen a big group of drunk old people try to do the Electric Slide? It looks like an earthquake in a retirement home, just an absolute free-for-all of baby boomers who all think they’re going in the right direction. It’s the opposite of artistic expression, and we should all be sad that we live in a world where it exists.”
At press time, Doctor Dap The Master Of Rap was staring at a blank document titled “So-Cal Shimmy, Again”