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Corporate Bullshit: The Vinyl Section at Target Only Had Stuff I Know and Like

Look, I know it’s a big corporate chain, but the vinyl selection at this Target is complete bullshit. Where are all the old, weird albums no one’s touched for forty-plus years? Where are the obscure bands that are obscure for very good reason? Where is the art?! All I see is stuff I know and like!

I may be in my 30s with a career and a family and all that, but I’m still punk. Sure, I don’t have the time to drive into the city and flip through records for hours like I used to, but I still like to browse when I’m at Target picking up things for the house. And, yes, I’m grateful they even have a vinyl section. But if a Target employee doesn’t come over here in the next five seconds to judge me about what I’m looking at, I’m gonna have a full-on existential crisis.

Look at this selection. It’s nothing but bands I grew up listening to, classic albums from before my time, and some newer artists that were influenced by a lot of the alternative bands I love. Basically, it’s all stuff I’d actually pay money for. Talk about a cash grab.

This is so inauthentic. Where are the miles of obscure, terrible records that I feel stupid for not knowing and hating for the right reasons? Or liking, depending on what kind of “terrible” it is. Commercialism sucks.

The ambiance is all fucked up too. Look at this place. It’s bright and clean! Plus, there’s room to stand without constantly being in someone’s way despite the fact that there’s only ever one other customer.

I will hand it to them though, the music being played in the store is still just as obscure and unknown to me now that it’s zoomer pop. The music they played at REAL record stores was usually screeching vocals over what Pitchfork would describe as “minimalist” air ride sirens. But this zoomer shit is something I’d actually listen to so Target needs to fix that if they have any interest in having an authentic vinyl shop.