I think I finally found my career: touring musician! It’s been a long, strange path, but I have put in years of work, and it’s…
Life can go by in the blink of an eye. One moment you’re rolling up to the bar with your crew, boasting about all the…
Meet Lisa Bergeron, when her primary care physician told her the weekly recommended number of drinks for a woman her size was between five and…
It’s been a long night of drinking, meaning we have inevitably reached the point where my bladder has caught up to my mouth/stomach, and I…
PHILADELPHIA — Local 36-year-old Dennis Waller’s out-of-control alcohol problem can evidently be traced back to the large amount of mid-to-late ‘90s professional wrestling he watched…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Greg Johannssen claims it’s too early in the year for Starbucks to release pumpkin spice flavored drinks despite the fact his…
LOS ANGELES — Former child star Ricky Dugan was seen drunkenly Googling “where am I now?” after a night out at the bar, confirmed sources…
WASHINGTON — Presumptive Democratic nominee Kamala Harris attempted to boost her perception as a “cool aunt” by announcing that if elected she will let junior…
I never thought I’d be a cautionary tale. But now I know you should never get blackout drunk in front of your old friends from…
Everyone’s heard of Nostradamus, that famous old French dude who was an expert at predicting world events. But what if I told you that I…
ARLINGTON, Texas — Americans everywhere took a brief pause from threatening to kill each other online to share that they believe Ingrid Andress should have…
WILLISTON, N.D. — Participants of a weekly karaoke night cringed in disbelief as a local businessman’s booze-fueled “We Didn’t Start the Fire” teetered on the…
Doctors and scientists will tell you that alcohol is severely dehydrating, but doctors also used to prescribe lobotomies to anyone with ADHD, and scientists were…
WATERLOO, N.Y. — Staunch MAGA Republican and binge-drinker Justin Brently decided to show his unwavering support for Donald Trump after his recent felony conviction by…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead and avid drinker Stephen Mullins realized he needs to donate increasingly larger amounts of blood and plasma just to achieve the…