MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Dan Stanford was accused of derailing date night at an upscale restaurant after he spent most of the evening gazing longingly…
NEW YORK — Local punks using the bathroom of a supposed dive bar felt betrayed when they realized they could see themselves perfectly in the…
CITY OF INDUSTRY, Calif. — Mall chain store Hot Topic announced that it has grown out of its punk phase and finds its past pretty…
SAN DIEGO — The “So-Cal Shimmy,” a brand new novelty party song, is enjoying a quick rise in popularity at weddings across the country because…
LAS CRUCES, N.M — Several local teens mocking adult man Terry Rothstein at the Mesilla Valley Mall have inadvertently caused him to work to improve…
SALEM, Ore. — Droves of musicians unable to finish career-defining albums due to the distractions of modern life have begun their annual migration north to…
DRAG KINGDOM — The tyrannical Drag Queen known as Cleo Fabtra was overthrown in an absolutely fabulous revolution by drag peasants yesterday who were fed…
WASHINGTON — White House kitchen staff are reportedly elated by the prospect of cooking “real food” for President-elect Joe Biden instead of preparing the usual…
MUNICH — Luxury car manufacturer BMW will finally implement turn signals in all of their vehicles by 2022, according to a press release sent out…
LONDON — The British-born glam rock guitarist who goes by the name “Scazz Slaughter” has almost definitely got “some dumbass ‘Downton Abbey’-ish” real name like…
LONDON — Heavy metal legends Iron Maiden have launched a limited edition vintage wine, “The Number of the Yeast,” which boasts widely different flavor profiles,…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Fancy punk Gerald Harden is flaunting his wealth by hanging relatively expensive, unwashed, 400-thread count bed sheets in his bedroom windows as…