Rush were Canadian musical revolutionaries. They created bold, out-there music that transcended boundaries for over 40 years, and even created the “deeply loyal, but insanely…
PORTLAND, Ore. — White progressive voters across the country announced they were excited by how many different races, genders, and ethnicities they can blame for…
DENVER — A group of left-leaning bank robbers decided to start a recent holdup by acknowledging the crime they were committing was happening on land…
MOLINE, Ill. — Local Dream Theater fan Beth Hillebrand enjoyed unfettered access to the venue’s female washroom thanks to being the only woman in attendance,…
We desperately needed to raise our IQ by a few points, so we decided to re-listen to Tool’s five full-length albums and deliver a comprehensive…
CHICAGO — Several Doctors at Rochester University School of Health Sciences were left with a few questions Saturday after examining a man who claimed to…
Tool is a platinum-selling, Grammy-winning, Billboard-topping collection of brilliant artists. Despite selling out arena tours, the average person does not understand the genius of the…
MILWAUKEE — Members of local thrash metal band Differentiator recently committed to reduce environmental harm by wearing white high top shoes that are certified fair…
SEATTLE — Self-proclaimed Twitter activist Rachel Morrow claimed that if they had access to a functioning time machine they would use it to travel back…
NEW PALTZ, N.Y. — 62-year-old Larry Dang’s intensely positive description of a Rush show he attended in 1983 suggests that he is suffering from Stockholm…
BOSTON — Local 39-year-old Tool fan Mark Gibson spent his entire shift last Wednesday angry at the fact that a genius of his magnitude was…
SAN FRANCISCO — Self described “ass-guy” Greg Barker considers his preference for women’s asses over their breasts as admission as a member of the LGBTQ…
CHICAGO — Local bassist Tim Bolz announced this morning that he has “still got it” after remembering how to play a wildly incorrect version of…
As an aspiring pastor, I wish that people were always asking me if I believe Donald Trump is a Godly man. If they did, I…
FLAVORTOWN, Calif. — A quality-of-life ordinance passed by Flavortown’s town council this week will guarantee residents monthly universal chili con carne payments beginning as soon…