Donald Trump To Rename New Mexico ‘State America’
WASHINGTON — In the latest move of his tireless patriotic renaming crusade, President Donald Trump announced this morning that the…
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Livy Berry
11 stories found
Where Have All the Real Women Gone? All I Want Is To Find a Girl I Can Have a Deep, Philosophical, Me-Talking-Only Conversation With
Once again, I have found myself in a situation where I am frustrated to say the least at all the…
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Opinion: I’m Sorry I’m Late for Work, but if I Can’t Curate the Most Bomb-Ass Pre-Work Get Psyched Playlist Then What’s the Point?
Look, I know I’ve been late more often than I’ve been on time since starting here, but you really need…
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New Superhero Emerges With Power To Know Exactly How Many Cars Would’ve Fit on This Curb if Everybody Didn’t Park Like Fucking Assholes
LOS ANGELES — Reports have come in of a new hero with the superhuman ability to tell how many cars…
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How I Plan To Avoid Awkward Political Tension This Christmas by Just Telling My Cousin Who His Real Dad Is
It’s always been difficult to spend the holidays with a racist aunt or uncle, a homophobic parent, or a racist…
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19-Year-Old Who Can Name and Fix Any Piece of Vape Puts “Mechanic” on Resume
TAMPA, Fla. — Local 19-year-old Cody Carson reportedly declared his advanced vape expertise by writing “mechanic” on his otherwise quite…
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Local Dad Unknowingly Performs Greatest Drum Solo of All Time on Belly of Labrador Retriever
MILWAUKEE — Local suburban father Dave Johnson made history after inadvertently performing the greatest rock and roll drum solo of…
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Progressive Bank Robbers Would Like to Start Holdup with Land Acknowledgement
DENVER — A group of left-leaning bank robbers decided to start a recent holdup by acknowledging the crime they were…
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Opinion: If Your Entry Level Job Posting Requires 5+ Years of Experience, I’m Going To Enter Your Home, Fuck Your Wife, and Take Your Dog
Alright, I’ve been looking for jobs for way too long. I have a Bachelor’s degree in computer science, it should…
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Heartwarming: This Atheist Mother Makes up for Her Children’s Lack of Religious Trauma by Doubling up on Regular Trauma
This week we sat down with a mother who has gone out of her way to make sure her children…
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