Look, I know I’ve been late more often than I’ve been on time since starting here, but you really need to consider my perspective. Every morning I have to sit in my car and personally curate the most incredible, bangers-only playlist to perfectly tailor my mood and get me going in a way that will carry me through the work day. That’s a lot of pressure for a playlist, and I’m a professional, but that’s going to take some time.
Umm, no. Obviously I cannot just make and save one playlist and listen to that every day; do you even hear yourself? The world changes every day, and I have to change with it, or my work is seriously going to suffer. How would the higher-ups at this company feel if they found out that you sacrificed your best temp’s work all because of a measly 23 minutes per day? Brenda from accounting is late all the time, and that’s tolerated just because she’s caring for an ailing parent, but I can’t be late to care for my ailing mental state? Get real.
There is no way you just said the word ‘shuffle’ to me. If I can’t produce a sense of life-altering whimsy within myself by listening to Solsbury Hill at least four times spread out perfectly throughout my drive, then why even do any of this? You clearly don’t understand; I can’t just roll straight from Paul Simon to Kendrick Lamar; I have to be taken on a journey, or maybe you want me to walk into the ocean.
It’s like you don’t even care that the new Noah Kahan album just came out and now I’m basically working overtime to balance out the devastating sadness in his music with something that makes me even capable of going to work at all. If you can’t get behind my need to listen to that album while also taking the time to undo the emotional damage I get every time I listen to it, then honestly, what the hell are we even doing here?
Do I ‘apologize’ for being late to work every day? Sure, I guess, but this whole thing is really bringing to light what you actually think of me and what I contribute to this company. I’m going to have to seriously consider whether I’m prepared to forgive you while still 100% coming to work because I need this job to survive. I need to go out to my car and run a few reps of Tubthumping by Chumbawumba before I’m prepared to get started on my workday. Good day, sir.
