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Every AJJ Album Ranked Worst to Best

AJJ’s new album “Disposable Everything” is set to be released May 2023.  Before that happens, we here at The Hard Times have decided to actually get off our fat asses and rank every AJJ record so far, and with the help of several therapists, we were finally able to get through all of them. Here is our definitive ranking.

7. Can’t Maintain (2009)

I’ll be honest, I completely forgot that this record exists. I mean, it has some good songs on it – like, it’s not a bad album overall. It’s just kind of forgettable, especially when you put it up against more developed AJJ records. But in any case, you can thank this review for reminding you as well that “Can’t Maintain” is a thing which you can still listen to.

Play it again: “Self Esteem”
Skip it: “Kazoo Sonata in Cmaj”



6. Knife Man (2011)

“Knife Man” probably shouldn’t be this low on the list, but this band has a lot of really great albums and also a couple dumb albums that I mostly need to use as examples for other shit. So there you have – good record, shit ranking.

Play it again: “Distance”
Skip it: “No One”





5. Candy Cigarettes & Cap Guns (2005)

Look, I know, I know. There’s a lot from this record that does not hold up. And yeah, I’m sure I’m gonna get a whole assload of comments about how they “could never make this record nowadays.” Which is kinda my point. Sometimes you gotta start out writing funny songs about a serial lady killer before you can work your way into that grand concept record about the alien who has a coke problem, or whatever your thing is.

Play it again: “Love Song”
Skip it: “Dylan Cook’s Theme Song”


4. Good Luck Everybody (2020)

We all had to figure out how to cope with Trump’s presidency in our own ways. This record was AJJ’s. It is also one of the weirder albums in AJJ’s discography, which is really saying something when you take into account that the band actually made and sold salad gloves as merch.

Play it again: “Loudmouth”
Skip it: “No Justice, No Peace, No Hope”




3. The Bible 2 (2016)

Anybody else listen to this record for the first time and immediately think “you know what, I did have a pretty fucked up childhood. How about that?” Yeah, “The Bible 2” is great for that. Just try listening to it at home first, because if you play it while driving your car on the way to get it inspected then everyone at Jiffy Lube is gonna wonder why you’re crying so much.

Play it again: “No More Shame, No More Fear, No More Dread”
Skip it: “Small Red Boy”


2. Christmas Island (2014)

Much like the actual Christmas Island, which hosts an annual migration of tens of millions of red crabs to sea to spawn, this album requires no explanation as to its greatness. “Christmas Island” (the album, not the island) is a sonic landmass that is being swarmed by crustaceans. Can you hear it? It sounds clackity.

Play it again: “Kokopelli Face Tattoo”
Skip it: “Deathlessness”




1. People Who Can Eat People Are the Luckiest People In the World (2007)

If you put Woody Guthrie, Barbara Streisand and Simon & Garfunkel in a blender you would likely end up with exactly this album. That’s not a metaphor by the way – if you took an actual blender and mutilated those three artists and also Garfunkel then the resulting viscera would equate to this album. Brutal, catchy, and with a heavy flavor of Marlboro Lights, this is the best AJJ album of all time.

Play it again: “People II: The Reckoning”
Skip it: “Bells & Whistles”