LOS ANGELES – Casual Tool fan Chris Miller is perplexing scientists around the world with his ability to listen to the progressive rock band without…
JEROME, Ariz. — Workers at Maynard James Keenan’s Caduceus Cellars were reportedly debating what to do with pallets of unsold “Stinkfist Chardonnay” after the Tool…
PHOENIX — The children of the Aaronson family forgave their father Billy for leaving them with empty, growling stomachs in order to purchase overpriced Tool…
DURHAM, NC — Researchers at Duke University recently discovered that playing Tool for your newborn will cause them to grow up thinking they’re smarter, deeper,…
We desperately needed to raise our IQ by a few points, so we decided to re-listen to Tool’s five full-length albums and deliver a comprehensive…
Each Sunday The Hard Times takes a look at a notable album from the past. This time around we reviewed Puscifer’s “Conditions of My Parole,”…
Tool is a platinum-selling, Grammy-winning, Billboard-topping collection of brilliant artists. Despite selling out arena tours, the average person does not understand the genius of the…
ST. PAUL, Minn. – Longtime Tool superfan Tim Linstrom claimed the setlist he stole from the stage of their Twin Cities concert was written entirely…
The Monkees were NBC’s biggest posers besides so-called “cop killer” turned pig, Ice T. But they were far from the only bullshit artists to slither…
At times, the burden of all-encompassing intellect can be especially difficult to shoulder. The impossibility of stimulating all possible thought processes at once means even…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we’re taking a look at “Undertow” the debut…
ST. LOUIS — Diehard Tool fan Glenn “Stinkfist” Miranda missed the band’s entire set after a brief display of martial arts resulted in him getting…
BOSTON — Local 39-year-old Tool fan Mark Gibson spent his entire shift last Wednesday angry at the fact that a genius of his magnitude was…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we cover “Opiate,” the 1992 EP from Tool.…
SAN ANTONIO — Multi-instrumentalist Eli “Smudge” Goodwin threw the entire local folk-punk scene into disarray when he tried to make ends meet by pawning his…