Ah, the 2000s. A simpler time, when a thousand weird mp3 blogs all named “Melted Acetate Owl” or something were a thing. Climate change and American politics were only, like, regular-bad. Indie music had it all: Sweaty danceable post-punk. Earnest folksy acoustic fare. Quirky eclectic pop. Garage rock revival and the revival of the revival. Emo-adjacent rock. Sadness galore in all genres!
Well, dust off your first-generation iPod and draw the curtains in your pathetic little apartment. It took us an unprecedented 114 crying interruptions, two breakups, and eight failed attempts to log back into our LiveJournals, but we did it. We’ve scientifically ranked 51 both extremely popular and lesser-known indie songs of the era based on how much they can still make you sob.
Also, we can already hear you yelling in the comments about what “indie” technically is or isn’t, and we’d appreciate it if you’d spare our aging ears and fragile hearts. This is a very big tent here, okay?
51. Air “Highschool Lover”
Let’s start out easy — this one doesn’t even have any lyrics! Except wait, the music itself is a little nostalgic and melancholy, and oof, it’s from the “Virgin Suicides” soundtrack. I don’t want to do these rankings anymore already.
50. Doves “Caught By The River”
All the instrumental hallmarks of the era’s big stirring britpop, but the lyrics just feel broadly emotional rather than outright sad. Rating: Mascara still intact.
49. Grizzly Bear “Two Weeks”
Okay, not inherently super depressing. More like “a routine malaise” — get it? This mega-hit was inescapable in every coffeehouse and other artsy space in 2009. Now your local artsy space is long gone and replaced by, depending on your location, either a Dollar General or soulless “luxury” apartments.
48. Cat Power “He War”
Ranked low on this list because we’re FINALLY over our college exes (mostly) and not punching walls while playing it on the Discman, but it’s still an iconic powerhouse of a song.
47. The Mountain Goats “No Children”
Everyone knows this one. The TikTok teens know this one. It’s made the rounds so much that even though it’s still pretty dark, it’s also kinda funny and it ultimately doesn’t hurt much (Julien Baker live cover notwithstanding, obviously).
46. The Walkmen “The Rat”
Nice when this classic rocker pops up on Spotify while you’re trying to “get your steps in” on a clunky mini-stepper on your living room carpet on a Saturday night. All your friends have kids and don’t even text you on your birthday. The line “Now I go out alone if I go out at all” feels pretty real now.
45. Keane “Everybody’s Changing”
From the poppier segment of the the Sad Soaring British Rock era. Still pretty but just moderately sad. Even though, yes, everybody is still changing and I still don’t feel the same.
44. MGMT “Time To Pretend”
Even when the beats were party-ready enough to shimmy around in your metallic American Apparel A-line skirt and the band’s persona was carefree and ironic, the lyrics were often still bleak. At the time you heard this song and thought the future corporate drone life described sounded bad. Turns out … it’s all bad.
43. Animal Collective “My Girls”
Back in 2009, this was a pleasant and possibly realistic vision: “With a little girl and by my spouse/I only want a proper house.” Now, have you seen Zillow and Tinder lately? Both are a nightmare, delete the apps from your phone right now.
42. Yeah Yeah Yeahs “Maps”
Another banger that you can dance to while magically still getting upset. The deep longing! The lyric repetition! The fact their biggest payday came from Beyonce sampling the song. What a world.
41. The Knife “Heartbeats”
Has there ever been a more emotional song about … a one-night stand? Didn’t think so. That’s the music era we’re dealing with here, folks. Bonus: Listen to the delicate José González cover, too, and cry in a more acoustic sort of way.
40. Of Montreal “Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games”
Singing over a bouncy bassline about pretending you don’t exist and pretending you’re in Antarctica was mostly just good ol’ kooky fun back then. Now as the climate fully collapses, it’s more of a dire warning.
39. Cursive “The Recluse”
Seriously? Another song about a one-night stand that winds up hitting unexpectedly hard? Whether that’s still your life these days or you’ve been faithfully married forever, it’s time to feel things again with that spider metaphor.
38. Iron & Wine “Such Great Heights”
What an uplifting and spirited rendition of an already upbeat song. Listen to this beautiful acoustic cover while remembering that “Garden State” is almost 20 years old now. That’s old. But not in a cool retro way. In a cringy outdated way. Just like you.
37. VHS or Beta “Burn It All Down”
More of that extremely 2000s danceable bleakness. Little did we even know back in college how much more we’d want to burn it all down now.
36. Built to Spill “Liar”
“It takes up all your life/these decisions you make” was so deep and philosophical in your LiveJournal bio. Now the decisions are, like, whether to email or Slack your boss a polite request to finally take one vacation day and maybe which violent Netflix show to zone out to before not sleeping.
35. The Decemberists “Sons & Daughters”
Do you have kids by now? Do you not have kids? All right, good for you either way, but just wait until the harmonies in the refrain about the bombs. Oof.
34. Bon Iver “Skinny Love”
Is it a classic? Sure. Is it still sad? You bet. We’re going to rank it lower just because you’ve probably heard it enough times to build up some emotional immunity. I think that’s a thing. I also really don’t want to listen for the 7,000th time right now.
33. The Good Life “Album Of The Year”
The excruciatingly detailed tale of a failed relationship. No matter how many times you hear it, you’ll desperately hope that maybe this time, things will work out for the poor guy in the song. And also for you. (No such luck for either.)
32. Shout Out Louds “Wish I Was Dead Pt. 2”
We’re getting deeper into the list now, the tears are flowing, and there’s something just a little too comforting about those “were featured on ‘The OC’ soundtracks and are morbid but not in a metal way at all” sorts of songs.
31. The Postal Service “The District Sleeps Alone Tonight”
We’re dancing! But we’re sad! Here we go again with perhaps one of the best-known bands to perfect this devastating combo in the 2000s. You know this song. You probably also know The Postal Service is hitting the road on a 20th anniversary tour this year, and you may have even bought tickets while fretting about how your creaky back will cope and whether or not your credit card can handle the cost.
30. Interpol “Slow Hands”
If you still don’t know exactly what this excellent gloomy song is about, a commenter on a lyric discussion site posted, “Get off the internet all the time and maybe you won’t be sad” as the interpretation. In 2004. Maybe they were on to something, guys. Let’s try it.
During a tense exchange with former Vice President Mike Pence over January 6th Ramaswamy broke from his talking points, stared directly down the lens of a camera, and said “I’ll strangle you like I did to that guy outside of Bisbee. Nobody will ever find the body.” He then said he would be more than willing to pardon Trump if he was found guilty of any federal charges. Sources close to Ramaswamy confirmed that he remained visibly erect for several hours after his confession.
The Florida governor seemed distracted and content to stay in the background all night. The few times he did speak up he kept complaining about the “erratic frequency” of the intimacy device his wife was controlling from their home in Florida. He claimed it felt good at some points, but other times felt like when you stick your tongue on a 9-volt battery. “No god-fearing taxpayer should have to shell out $180 for a Lovense Hush 2 Buttplug only for his wife’s control app to crash during an important meeting.”
Shortly after being introduced the former New Jersey governor seemingly had a moment of clarity regarding his name. “My parents must be the least creative people in the world,” Christie said in response to nothing. “They named their child ‘Christopher Christie?’ They couldn’t think of anything better? I’m basically fucking Robert Robertson, Tommy Thompson. Did they even love me?” Christie then refused to answer any more questions until people started referring to him as “Colt Christie.”
Pence surprised his rivals, the moderators, and the audience by shedding his suit within the first minute to reveal a fresh AC/DC shirt, which he then covered with a leather jacket before going on multiple expletive-laden rants. “People think I’m a little too buttoned up, well I got news for you friend, I’m a certified pussy hound,” Pence said before doing a vulgar gesture where he mimicked eating out a woman’s vagina for the remainder of his time. When asked about climate change he said “It’s fake as fuck, but as long as hot mommas keep dumping out their tits I don’t give a shit.” According to some reports he mimed jerking off in the direction of whoever was speaking.
The former governor of South Carolina was the only candidate to acknowledge the reality of climate change, and the only person on stage to openly trash rising country star Oliver Anthony whose song “Rich Men North of Richmond” is full of references to QAnon conspiracies. “This ginger fuck has the worst voice I’ve ever heard. I’m sorry, but if you want real country music give me some Garth Brooks,” Haley said to a chorus of boos. “My dumbest nephew could have written a better song in five minutes and the kid has never touched a guitar. That song sucks dick and the guy’s beard definitely smells like dog shit. You know he’s eaten out a dog’s ass at least once, you know it.”
Scott, also from South Carolina, seemed distracted and upset all night due to a mix-up with his lunch order earlier in the day. When asked about global warming he replied “Let me answer your question with a question, is a meatball sandwich and a chicken parm sub the same thing pal? No, they’re not, right? I’m not crazy? Great.” Scott continued airing his grievance when asked about abortion rights. “I don’t care if they have the same cheese on top, they have different buns and you eat them at completely different angles,” Scott said. Scott’s bitterness toward an unnamed aid continued all the way into his closing statement “I had to wipe my hands on the couch like an animal. Grab napkins before you leave the restaurant, it’s common sense.”
During a brief exchange between Chris Christie and Moderator Martha MacCallum about the existence of extraterrestrials Asa Hutchinson screamed “They are already here and have been living in my brain for years.” The other candidates tried to laugh it off, but Hutchinson spoke in detail about how when he was a boy fishing by a creek he was abducted by aliens, forced to “smoke drugs,” and claimed he was given all the knowledge of how to survive the coming armageddon. After the outburst, he curled into a ball on the stage and mumbled “I never asked for any of this” over and over until production cut his mic and covered him with a Fox News blanket.
The governor of North Dakota almost didn’t make it to the stage after injuring his Achilles heel during a game of basketball with his staffers. When asked about details surrounding the injury Burgum claimed he had been 40 for 40 beyond the 3-point line with 75 rebounds and 230 assists. He said he ruptured the ligament when attempting a 360, between-the-legs dunk from the free throw line that he easily made, but because the dunk was so strong and shattered the glass he ended up hurting his leg when he landed back on the ground. He later clarified “Actually the injury was on purpose, because I’m tired of winning so easily.”
“Winner” is the proverbial black sheep of the discography. Banished from every streaming platform save for Bandcamp, plenty of fan lists forget to even include this in their ranking. Which is a shame, because there are lots of ideas on here that make the project worth a listen. But something’s gotta be last, and there’s a reason this one hasn’t gotten the same rerelease treatment as his other pre-label albums.
This album is full of all the pieces that make Alex’s music great: catchy lo-fi singer-songwriter tunes, a warm blanket of melancholy, and plenty of off-the-cuff, yet strangely sentimental, lyrics about pissing yourself and vomiting. Not to mention some nasty guitar instrumentals on songs like “Master” and “Message.” Unfortunately, just like plenty of Hard Times readers, this album has been doomed to live in the shadow of its overachieving younger brother.
There is no denying some of Alex’s most extreme and successful experimentation is included on this project, illustrated best by songs like “Gretel.” But the record takes a noticeable step down in quality on the wandering back half. Trying all sorts of crazy new things is a double-edged sword, which I learned the hard way after taking three different strains of mushrooms and forgetting how to open my eyes in the Natural History Museum.
With his most recent album, Alex dove deeper into his unique blend of electronic and country influence and delivered an introspective view of aging. “God Save The Animals” sees Alex exploring faith, family, and eternity, illustrated plainly by the fact that he finally outgrew his bedroom and recorded this one in the big boy studio. This also seems to be his most personal record, though any long-time listener has no doubt learned to take everything he says in his lyrics with a grain of salt.
It’s impossible to listen to this debut and deny the natural gift Giannascoli has for writing oddball earworms. The melodies on standout songs like “Gnaw” and “Crab” far exceed the quality that could be expected of a seventeen-year-old recording in GarageBand. I know because at twenty-four the best writing I can do is for a satirical punk news site.
With the subdued and dreamlike flow of “DSU,” Alex G tapped into a new plane of artistry that began to push his trademark slacker rock sound into a realm of psychedelia. The heavy layering of vocals and unique instrumental elements creates an undulating soundscape that floats you every which way before spitting you back out on your crumb-covered mattress. A consistent album from back to front, and a staple of Alex’s discography.
Fresh off an unexplained moniker change, (Sandy) Alex G came out swinging with this Americana folk obsessed project. Full of types of songs that make you imagine sitting on your grandpappy’s knee in a backwater town, “Rocket” is made full by lyrics of longing and the same ear for catchy tunes that has always been central to Alex’s success as a songwriter. This is a perfect album for a breezy drive on a hot summer day, save for “Brick” which is a noise-influenced single that feels like a UFO crash landed in the middle of the serene cornfield that is the rest of the tracklist.
Hazy, fuzzy, and proof of the eternal quality of music produced by an artist true to themselves, “Trick” is in many ways the purest synthesis of the childhood nostalgia that has become synonymous with this era of Alex’s work. The low vocal mix, bedroom quality recording, and mature-beyond-years writing all blend perfectly, evoking bittersweet memories of school years and young love lost long ago. This was the album that began the legend of Alex G, told through songs about eating whale meat and getting dommed by weed.
Alex G’s first release after signing to Domino in 2015 would no doubt be many listeners’ first impression of the then 22-year-old musician. What followed was a young artist firing on all cylinders, letting himself be swept up by a wide-ranging wave of musical experimentation but never losing direction or that gut instinct for what would make a beautiful song. “Beach Music” is a warm and charming trip through diverse genres and the broken relationships Alex has always indulged in with his songwriting. But this time, he imbues the lyrics with a maturing sense of hope and growth stemming from pain. It’s an album that welcomes you more intently with each listen.
