Here’s Why We Should Decriminalize Watching the Next Episode of a Show That You’re Supposed To Be Watching With Your Partner

The Pledge of Allegiance tells us there is liberty and justice for all. But is that true in present-day America? I don’t think so. And it won’t be true until we have decriminalized watching the next episode of a show that you’re supposed to be watching with your partner.

My fiancé Jed and I started watching Owning Manhattan together. Over the course of several nights, we would make dinner and then eat it while awash in the dog-eat-dog world of high-end New York real estate. But crucially, we never explicitly said we were doing this, much less put anything in writing.

When Jed went on a work trip, I carried on with season 1 episode 6, “Crazy Promise,” in which Ryan takes action when two real estate agents cross a line.

The next day, Jed came home. When we turned on Netflix, he dropped his entire plate of food on the ground. It shattered into pieces, like so many dreams of owning a high-end apartment in the cutthroat New York real estate market.

Jed asked me if I had watched the next episode. I couldn’t deny it—Netflix was narcing on me. I told him the truth: that I thought I was allowed to watch the next episode while he was out of town. I reminded him that we never said we were exclusive with this show. That’s when Jed walked out on me. And the day after that, I found out there was a warrant out for my arrest.

We cannot continue living like this. Some people argue that watching the next episode of a shared show can hurt your partner’s feelings. But what about my feelings of being stoned and bored on a Tuesday night?

There’s also an argument to be made that you should just wait to watch the episode until the next night when your partner is home. But this argument is not inclusive of those of us whose partners go to bed really early.

We as a culture need to admit that everyone wants to do this. Maybe it was taboo when Netflix introduced streaming in 2007, but that’s just not the case anymore. It’s true that there’s way more to watch these days. But everything sucks more now, and all the shows I’m watching by myself incidentally happen to also suck.

History shows us that we need to change culture before we can change policy. We need to take steps toward making it acceptable to watch the next episode of a TV show you’re watching with your partner. So go and watch that next episode of Summer Heat (2022). Your partner will just have to accept that you’re being the change you want to see in the world.

Scientists Confirm Smashed Guitars Feel Pain

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — A team of scientists was left bewildered after a series of tests definitively proved that smashed guitars feel pain and anguish when smashed on stage, a new report confirmed.

“We discovered it by accident,” said lead researcher Dr. Leon Baker. “A few of us get together to jam after work some days. I had a few too many beers in me and smashed this old guitar across some industrial microscope. The guitar just started spattering around on the ground like some sort of epileptic lizard’s tail. Since then we’ve trialed over 400 guitars, as inhumane as it is, but at least they’re Squiers, mostly. Through these tests we’ve concluded that each guitar contains a complex nervous system between the headstock and pickups, however, it’s only activated when the output jack is plugged in. Otherwise it’s in what we can only describe as a state of ‘hibernation.’ It’s fascinating, really.”

This recent discovery has not only shocked the general public and normies, even famous guitarists have been stunned by this new information.

“In all my years, I had no idea,” quivered Swedish guitar legend Yngwie Malmsteen. “I’ve smashed countless guitars throughout my career, expensive ones, just caught up in the moment, you know? I guess I couldn’t hear the terrified screams of my guitar over the delighted screams of my audience. It’s been keeping me up at night, those sounds, they haunt me. Then there was the sporadic writhing of the neck after breaking from the body… oh God. I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Some are speculating that major guitar manufacturing corporations have known about this for years, and willingly withheld information from the public.

“Of course we didn’t know about it,” said Fender CEO Andy Mooney. “That would be cruel and unusual, to sell something with a fully intact nervous system that people unknowingly cause frequent pain to. But you know what else would be cruel and unusual? If we’re forced to lay off hundreds of employees, leaving families without food because we decided to stop selling our main driver of sales because it ‘might’ have ‘feelings.’ And who are all you to judge? As you wolf down your double bacon cheeseburger, those animals had feelings and you aren’t crying for them.”

When asked if bass guitars also feel pain, researchers across the board agreed that no bass player would ever be cool enough to deliberately smash their bass on stage, thus rendering the bass species of guitar safe.

Six Songs We Listened To This Week So Loudly That Perry Farrell Punched Us In The Face

Another week has joylessly passed you by uneventfully and without even the slightest hint of fanfare. You could argue that the increasingly bleak state of the world has been causing stagnancy in your life, but you’ve always been one to make excuses. We can’t fix everything in your life, but we can at least give you some new music that will allow you to at least pretend to escape for twenty minutes. Will it make you feel better? Probably not, but it’s worth a shot.

Cursive ‘Bloodbather’

The wait is over. Cursive’s new album ‘Devourer’ has landed and it’s a doozy of epic proportions. Their last lead single ‘Bloodbather’ caps a run of advance singles that slowly pulled the curtain back on the band’s more progressive leanings and it’s still only a taste of the fuckery included in the entire album’s runtime. It’s a good thing albums drop on Fridays now, because the old Tuesday drop style may have derailed our entire work week.

Mastodon/Lamb Of God ‘Floods Of Triton’

Following their co-headlining summer tour, and after a bit of teasing the project on the internet, Mastodon and Lamb of God have teamed up to release the collaborative single ‘Floods of Triton.’ The song is about as heavy as you’d expect, but we’re bewildered that this new supergroup didn’t seize the opportunity to come up with a fresh name like Lambstodon or MastoGod.

Off With Their Heads ‘Speakers Push The Air’

Massive droughts may be causing leaves to prematurely fall across the nation, but some of us still remember that it is, in fact, summer for another week. There’s no better way to bid farewell to the season than by blasting Off With Their Heads’ insanely fun new single ‘Speakers Push The Air.’ We assume the song title is an invitation to turn our receivers past their breaking point, but we can’t afford to replace our speakers again this month.

Sea Lemon ‘Crystals (feat. Ben Gibbard)’

Seattle’s Natalie Lew, who performs under the moniker Sea Lemon, has been crafting some of the dreamiest indie-pop known to humankind since her debut EP in 2022. Reportedly, her writing chops caught the attention of Ben Gibbard, who performed at a benefit show with Lew and asked to duet on a future project. It appears that future is now, as he has contributed a verse to her latest 90’s infused and very early Death Cab sounding track ‘Crystals.’

Pinkshift ‘Knead (Illuminati Hotties Cover)’

Hopeless Records is celebrating its 30th anniversary in style by steadily releasing covers of their famed roster for a compilation entitled ‘Hopelessly Devoted To You.’ Baltimore’s punk trio Pinkshift is the latest to step up to the plate, contributing a searing rendition of Illuminati Hotties’ ‘Knead.’ Backed by production from Bartees Strange, the cover is an all-out noise fest that rises to the occasion.

Cloud Nothings ‘Halloween I & II (Misfits Cover)’

Spooky season is just around the corner, and you’re probably looking for some new tunes to get into the spirit. Fortunately, Cloud Nothings have delivered a one-two punch with a cover of Misfits’ classics Halloween and Halloween II. No longer do you need to worry about your shuffle setting separating the two tracks, as the band has finally put an end to the bullshit by combining both of these excellent covers into one package. It’s about time someone did something about that.

Because we know you’re now chomping at the bit for even more escapism, we’ve compiled these and hours upon literal hours of other songs into a handy playlist for you. Click here to listen and dazzle your friends with your newfound relevancy.

If My Drinking is Excessive, Why Did That Bottle of Whiskey Barely Get Me Buzzed?

People say the darndest things. They call my drinking habits “concerning” and say my behavior is “out of control.” But if the amount I drink is really as excessive as they claim, why did that bottle of Wild Turkey I just downed in record time barely get me tipsy?

I’m just fortunate enough to have a body with a naturally greater thirst than the average Joe. The fact that this thirst is reserved for gifts from God, like Kentucky bourbon, is simply a fact of life. Some people need to drink two to three liters of water a day to stay hydrated. Well, it’s the same for me, except I also need mine distilled from a fermented mash of grain and yeast, then aged in charred oak barrels for at least two years, otherwise my body starts shaking from dehydration.

If I listened to my so-called friends and supposed loving family members, who insist I have a serious problem, I’d be in a deep depression, humiliated by the thought that something might be wrong with me. Luckily, I don’t bend to peer pressure easily and prefer to do my own research. What I’ve concluded is that my alcohol intake is exactly where it needs to be, and those claiming to “have my best interests at heart” are just a bunch of bitches trying to tear a good—nay, great—man down.

Jealousy is a dangerous thing. People who hate their own lives often have nothing better to do than to find the life of the party and take shots at them. Is it my fault that I’m always the funniest person in the room whenever I’m drinking, and that I become increasingly hilarious with each subsequent drink, regardless of how many people leave the room with disgusted looks on their faces? That’s called envy, and my boy Jesus Christ of Nazareth, would not approve. I think he said it was one of those little commandments or some shit.

I wish people would just listen to me when I tell them my vices are nothing to worry about. If they were, would I be able to be on my third bottle while weaving in and out of traffic on this sick electric scooter I found abandoned inside my neighbor’s garage? I rest my case.

Friend with Stocked Fanny Pack Unaware She’s Six People’s Primary Care Physician

WARWICK, R.I. — Amanda Martinez, a 26-year-old known for always being prepared, unknowingly became the primary care physician for her group of underemployed friends, according to sources close to the situation.

“We all rely on Amanda,” said Tyler Morris, a former factory worker who has struggled with joint pain since being laid off from his job. “I thought I was doomed to chronic pain ever since I tore my rotator cuff, but now I just call Amanda. She always has a jar of Tiger Balm on her. She doesn’t realize it, but she’s also technically my PT. Ever since I got kicked off my parents’ insurance, instead of an insurance card in my wallet in case of emergencies, I have a card saying ‘No ambulance.’”

Martinez, who carries a well-stocked fanny pack at all times, remains unaware of her unofficial role.

“I just want to make sure I’m ready if anything comes up,” she explained while rummaging through her pack. “I’ve got Band-Aids, Advil, maybe some alcohol wipes. But I don’t understand why everyone has my number memorized. And my friends all tend to come to me when they have problems, maybe because I’m such a Virgo. Which I don’t mind because I love to listen,” Martinez continued, alluding to a trait that has made her the unwitting therapist of the group.

Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has noted the growing reliance on friends like Martinez.

“Sixty percent of the American healthcare system is now sustained by friends with who took a few first-aid classes in high school and like to carry ointments,” he said. “According to the latest data, most hospital intake forms increasingly include Amanda Martinez’s contact information. Most Americans are one empty pouch away from medical ruin. This is a deeply precarious situation that needs to be addressed as soon as our wealthy donor class allows us.”

At press time, a lobby of insurance giants led by UnitedHealth Group was reportedly moving to shut down rural hospitals in favor of a new cost-saving initiative: replacing them with Fanny Pack Friends (FPF), a move expected to eliminate thousands of medical jobs nationwide.

Take This Short Quiz To Find Out What Animal Trent Reznor Would Fuck You Like!

Most people know Trent Reznor for his Academy Award-winning film scores with Atticus Ross but you may be surprised to know that he also wants to fuck all of us like animals! But what kind of animal? And are we both the animal or is one of us the animal and the other one is Trent Reznor fucking it? Or is Trent Reznor the animal fucking us, the humans? Anyways, take this short quiz to find out what animal Trent Reznor would fuck you like!

Which habitat best suits you?

A. Jungle
B. Ocean
C. Saginaw, Michigan
D. Hamster Cage

_____ is the most important trait for a lover to have.

A. Honor
B. Attentiveness
C. Handsome genitalia
D. Soft, furry belly

What is your favorite snack?

A. Raw meat
B. Worms
C. Currently? Pop Corners. All time? Kudos Bar.
D. Wood chips or whatever the fuck hamsters eat

When you are in bed with your partner, who initiates hanky panky?

A. You
B. Your partner
C. We enter each other at the same time, it is always a tie
D. Hamster

During whoopee you love it when your partner says this to you:

A. Oooooh!
B. Jesus! Ahhhh…Ahhhhhhhhh
C. Oh my damn! Shiiiit…yeah yeah…hold on wait…ok I’m good…Wait wait wait…
D. You want me to do what?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

A. No
B. Yes
C. I have astigmatism
D. Please make love to me like a hamster

Favorite Wayans Brother?

A. Keenan Ivory
B. Damon
C. Marlon
D. Shawn

When you are in the middle of a large crowd, you feel _____.

A. Great! I hate personal space and love all the different ways people can smell
B. Great! Anxious, but great!
C. Dead. This is not a safe crowd.
D. Look, are you going to fuck me like a hamster or not?

Hypothetically speaking, what animal do you think Trent Reznor would fuck you like?

A. Penguin
B. Hamster
C. See answer key below
D. What do you mean hamster was already taken?

Answer Key:

If you answered the corresponding letter 3 or more times, Trent Reznor would fuck you like a…

A. Bengal Tiger! Did you know Bengal tigers entice their mates with urine spray? Don’t worry, Trent will always urinate in the toilet but you will have to watch!

B. Seagull! Did you know male seagulls will stand on their partner’s back to signal they are ready to mate? Trent Reznor weighs 170 lbs, please be careful!

C. The Geico Gecko! Did you know the Geico Gecko fucks 50 times a day! I mean that guy FUCKS.

D. Hamster! You clearly want this very badly for whatever reason. Luckily, Trent is super polite and if you ask him to fuck you like a hamster, chances are he will fuck you like a hamster.

Metalhead Shows More Conviction Arguing About Superiority of Dio-Era Black Sabbath Than He Did Arguing for Custody of His Own Children

ADDISON, Vt. – Metalhead Adam Brockford showed more conviction arguing with a stranger about Black Sabbath outside the Addison County Courthouse than he had shown arguing for custody of his own children just moments before, mildly disgusted sources confirmed.

“Listen, I really like your ‘Master of Reality’ shirt, and I get why you think that album is their best, but you’re completely overlooking the absolute genius of both ‘Heaven and Hell’ and ‘The Mob Rules,’” said Brockford, who twenty minutes earlier had sat quietly while his attorney fruitlessly argued his supposed merits in the hopes of him caring for his four-year-old twin daughters. “You can’t listen to classics like ‘Die Young’ and ‘Falling off the Edge of the World’ and honestly tell me the band was better with Ozzy. And I haven’t even mentioned ‘Neon Knights.’ I mean, come on!”

Brockford’s lawyer Keisha Perry reacted to her client’s newfound commitment with frustration and bewilderment.

“Where was this passion when I was presenting his parenting plan to the judge in there?” Perry questioned. “He had told me his daughters were the greatest thing that ever happened to him, but he didn’t even open his mouth when his ex-wife’s attorney brought up his drinking and excessive video game playing. Maybe he would’ve livened up a bit if they said they considered ‘Dehumanizer’ to be Black Sabbath’s worst album. I swear, this is the last time I take on a metalhead as a client.”

Deron Goodwin, Professor of Family Law at the University of Pittsburgh, commented that such pitiable courtroom behavior is common among aging metalheads.

“This is something we see time and time again in our case studies,” said Goodwin. “Just last week I lectured about a father who willingly gave up custody of his son after hearing him say Accept’s ‘Restless and Wild’ was overrated, and before that another who had missed his court date entirely to catch Slayer on their farewell tour. There’s just something about being a fan of classic metal that turns people into shitty fathers that I can’t quite put my finger on, even after years of research.”

At press time, Brockford ignored Perry as she tried to tell him about scheduling visitation, choosing instead to high-five another bystander in an Iron Maiden “Killers” shirt over their shared love of Paul Di’Anno.

Dave Navarro Admits He’s Surprised Nobody Punched Him Sooner

BOSTON — Jane’s Addiction guitarist, and “Ink Master” host, Dave Navarro admitted that he’s shocked it took this long for someone to punch him following an onstage incident with Perry Farrell last night.

“You know, it’s funny, most people take one look at me and think ‘This guy with the makeup and dumb hats must be getting punched on a daily basis, but truth be told this is the first time anyone has taken a swing at me,” chuckled Navarro. “I’ll be honest, half the time I look in the mirror I want to kick my own ass, and as soon as I put on a mesh tank top I figure that’s an invitation for someone to test my chin. But no, it’s never happened until Perry took a swing last night. Thankfully he punches like an absolute goon and I barely felt it. I don’t want this to start a trend where other people feel free to swing on me, but I won’t hold it against anyone.”

Dave Lincoln, one of the roadies who restrained Farrell after the punch, said the frontman is actually stronger than he looks.

“Perry weighs like, I don’t know, about a buck forty, a buck fifty tops, but man that dude has some fight in him. After we got in between him and Dave we tried to de-escalate but Perry had a rabid look in his eye. I wrapped my arms around him to restrain him and he started biting the shit out of my wrists,” said Lincoln. “I’ve spent most of my day at the hospital getting a round of shots to make sure I don’t end up with some weird disease. When I explained to the doctor who had bitten me his face dropped, that’s when I knew things were serious. They’ve actually had me isolated in a separate wing of the hospital as a precautionary measure.”

Rock and roll historian Eliza Knight says on-stage fights are becoming more common.

“When you have a legacy act playing a reunion show things will get volatile. These bands broke up for a reason, and many of those bad feelings might come out on stage. Pair that with decades of substance abuse and you have a powderkeg ready to explode,” said Lincoln. “It’s rumored that each member of Oasis has hired their own outlaw motorcycle gang as security to patrol their side of the stage and make sure the other sibling stays in check. Things might get bloody.”

Following the incident, many members of the Boston crowd admitted they were disgusted by the violent outburst and expected better behavior from performers in their city.

Ten Underrated MCA Records Albums to Remind You of When Your Favorite Band Sold Out

There was a time when MCA Records had a truly unfortunate nickname in “Music Cemetery of America,” but that’s pretty cruel, inaccurate, and silly. Originally known as Decca Records, the label formed in 1934, infamously turned down The Beatles, stating that The Pre-Fab Four had no future, and famously ALMOST fixed their gaffe by signing their counterparts The Rolling Stones, before going through a name change and rebrand as MCA Records in 1972. Shortly after the modification, the label had an insane starting run with acts like Neil Diamond, Elton John, The Who, and Lynyrd Skynyrd releasing classic albums. Sadly, the label became defunct in 2003, and absorbed into Geffen Records. We attempt to list the top ten underrated MCA Records albums below, so settle in, and let’s take a trip back to a simpler time.

Darwin’s Waiting Room “Orphan” (2001)

You may not have heard of Darwin’s Waiting Room, or the actual Charles Darwin himself, but both the entire country of Jamaica AND the staff at the now legendary hip hop label Cash Money Records sure have… Apology accepted! Honestly, a Shaggy feature would’ve been more than enough to add Darwin’s Waiting Room’s “Orphan” to this here list, but Miami, Florida’s Darwin’s Waiting Room rock so hard that they even epically covered Juvenile’s party anthem “Back That Azz Up” and said rendition appeared as a bonus track on the Japanese edition of “Orphan.” Why this version is NOT on United States editions is beyond us, as the dual vocal combo of lead singer Jabe, yes, Jabe with no last name, and Michael “Grimm” Falk provided a unique/enjoyable rock-tinged listen of a late-90s/early-aughts club banger. To bastardize a quote from WWE’s Sheamus, “It’s HEADbanger after headbanger after headbanger!”

doubleDrive “1000 Yard Stare” (1999)

MCA Records truly had its ears and eyes searching for post grunge-esque active rock in the ‘90s and beyond, as Atlanta, Georgia’s doubleDrive released one of the more high quality and even more underrated full-length debut studio album “1000 Yard Stare” just before Y2K to some, but certainly not enough fanfare. Also, this LP did not have enough staying power as it was the lone MCA Records effort. Want proof? Find someone, potentially ANYONE, who has spoken to you about the lowercase and capitalized act, and even dive into the depths of social media for some shoutouts. Spoiler alert: You’d be hard pressed to find any! Even if you did, they’re all gone now. So, if you want to help the cause, you can tattoo a bruise on your chest, dress yourself in light for the sacrifice, change your belief system, and stand by Mexican Radio like it’s 1999!

Fenix TX “Lechuza” (2001)

Formerly known as Riverfenix, Fenix TX certainly raised the stock of Drive-Thru Records, a then imprint of MCA, with their sophomore studio album, which catapulted the four-piece to a management deal with Mark Hoppus and eventually blink-182’s team, a tour with blink and Bad Religion which eventually got immortalized with blink’s live album, “The Mark, Tom, and Travis Show (The Enema Strikes Back),” legit airplay from popular rock radio stations across the U S and A, and video play from MTV. Tearjerker: Sadly, “Lechuza,” the band’s third and last album as of now, and likely forever, just didn’t connect when it was released quite like its former. Maybe it was because the pop-punk crowd thought that it was way too heavy instead of sunny? The world may never know but thankfully streams have picked up on this one through the years. And now we’re onto the second DTR album!

Midtown “Living Well Is the Best Revenge” (2002)

Easily a top ten Drive-Thru Records release, Midtown’s sophomore full-length studio album “Living Well Is the Best Revenge” is eleven solid pop-punk/pop-rock songs that open with guitar feedback and close with a badass Vinnie Caruana from The Movielife and I Am The Avalanche feature. There has been much lore about the strained relationship between the band and its subsidiary label, but Google and/or Reddit will provide far more intel than us; have fun. The band had one of the better three album runs from 2000-2004, and sadly split up about a year after their ambitious third/Columbia Records LP “Forget What You Know.” Emo hearts in the know collectively grinned when the band announced that they were going to be a support act for various My Chemical Romance reunion shows. So come on, let go, become what you hate, and request “Still Trying” at your next emo night.

Nonpoint “Development” (2002)

Ft. Lauderdale, Florida usually is in the headlines for negative reasons, with the first two words being, “Florida Man,” but it also deserves notoriety for being the home of one of the more underrated nu metal bands. Nonpoint signed with MCA Records and released their third LP “Statement”… and a literal statement it was, and likely the one you know the band from, if you know the band at all! However, their next and fourth release “Development” is where they truly came into their own, and what a day, deserves your time. Also, like the aforementioned Darwin’s Waiting Room, Nonpoint dipped their toes into hip hop with their song “Tribute,” which mashes up Slick Rick, Busta Rhymes, and The Wu-Tang Clan. Funny enough, the song also features one of the vocalists of Darwin’s Waiting Room himself, Michael “Grimm” Falk!

Pretty Boy Floyd “Leather Boyz with Electric Toyz” (1989)

Just two years before Nirvana killed hair metal with a combination of lithium and territorial pissings, Hollywood, California’s Pretty Boy Floyd closed out the ‘80s with their debut LP, the intentionally or unintentionally comically named “Leather Boyz with Electric Toyz.” Sadly this was the band’s lone MCA Records album, but happily, and this is way more en vogue now, the demo version of their song “48 Hours” was in “The Karate Kid Part III,” which featured the debut of actor Thomas Ian Griffith, who played the evil AF Terry Silver, and said role got reprised on recent seasons of “Cobra Kai.” Eventual powerhouse producer Howard Benson of My Chemical Romance and The All-American Rejects fame sat at the helm for this one and the other SWEET hair metal band we’ve yet to mention. Fun fact: Drummer Nick Lane played shows with PBF THIS century, and Sweet F.A. last one!

Semisonic “All About Chemistry” (2001)

The term “one hit wonder” truly works as a double edged sword, as most people would be lucky for their band to have a scotch of a “hit song,” but no one, we repeat, no one, wants just one. If that happens, your band gets forever lambasted and relegated to a punchline that is even older than a swipe at Nickelback. It’s really a shame, but the world is cruel. So, you obviously know that Minneapolis, Minnesota’s Semisonic had a global hit in “Closing Time,” and said song will forever rival “Sweet Caroline” as a number that bar DJs play to forewarn the drunks that they don’t have to go home, but they can’t stay here. Hot take: “All About Chemistry,” the album after “Feeling Strangely Fine,” is an uncut gem and far superior to its former, and we’ve checked your free Spotify accounts, you haven’t listened to it yet!

Spinal Tap “Break Like The Wind” (1992)

This is not a joke, but as Mr. Graffin woah’d, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. Want some evidence, natural scientists? 1984’s mockumentary “This Is Spinal Tap” will forever top many comedic movie lists, and we’re not mad about it. It is SO quotable, and relatable for ANY musician large or small. Anyway, the then-fictional band Spinal Tap’s first album was technically a soundtrack to the movie, and few expected the “band” to throw a curveball to the world by becoming an actual real band, releasing a second album, and removing the quotation marks that were normally forever applied to the group… And the album rips, bro. Just rips. MCA Records rules for signing Spinal Tap and for putting out “Break Like The Wind” during the throes of grunge, flannel, and Seattle. Still, we bet Layne Staley, Kurt Cobain, Chris Cornell, and your mom loved the crap out of it.

Sweet F.A. “Stick To Your Guns” (1989)

Back to hair metal and not the cinematic or jokey kind! Speedway, yes, SPEEDWAY, an enclave of Indianapolis, Indiana, was the birthplace of a band so freaking underrated that they don’t even have a Wikipedia page for you to make silly edits to called Sweet F.A.! In a cool flex, the band signed a deal with MCA Records less than a year after their first show. In a far less cool antonym to a flex, the band left MCA after their debut “Stick To Your Guns” hit stores, released one more full-length studio album called “Temptation,” and split up shortly after. If you like your blues with an array of hard rock and, wait for it, wait for it, sleaze, Sweet F.A. is an underrated act for you to deep dive now. If not, stick to your guns, and listen to, uh, Stick To Your Guns.

Voivod “Nothingface” (1989)

Canada, eh? You bet. Metalheads love when their favorite band signs to a major label and the band’s sound changes ever so slightly to appeal to a more mainstream audience. Right? Doesn’t everyone love that? This album was successful, but when is the last time you talked about it? We thought so.

I Spray Painted “BUSH” on a Stop Sign in 2004 and That Was the Height of My Activism

These days it seems like everyone is a political activist. At least, they like to think of themselves as such. Except, they don’t know their history. While I don’t bear any ill will towards the younger generation in their fight for a better world, they appear to be sadly ignorant of their elders who fought before them. To be more specific, I’m referring to the time when, I, a 16-year-old in 2004, spray-painted “BUSH” on a stop sign in my Ohio town.

I was on my way back from seeing “Chronicles of Riddick” at the dollar theater with my buddy Sven – basically the most fun you could have in Logan, Ohio. We were blasting the CD of “Rock Against Bush Vol. 1” he got from his brother at Oberlin. Well, Ministry’s “No W” must’ve been really hitting, because next thing I knew, I was having Sven act as lookout while I used a can of black spray paint and my burgeoning need to speak truth to power to turn a stop sign two blocks from where the Dairy Queen used to be into a vessel of civil disobedience.

Was this risky? Was it ever. After all, we lived in the kind of place where “Support Our Troops” bumper stickers were more popular than mufflers on cars, and if my father found out I stole that spray paint out of our garage he might actually murder me. But I had seen a photo of the same thing on the Something Awful boards, which led me down a whole rabbit hole about lies about WMDs and the Patriot Act and also some RealPlayer clips of Jon Stewart that activated my radical switch. I couldn’t vote – and even if I could, this John Kerry guy seemed like something of a stiff. But I could still make my voice heard. And through my courageous action, the likely-thousands of people who stopped at that intersection between September and October 2004 were forced to reckon with the fact that the 43rd President might not be the golden cowboy they thought he was.

Naturally, I was deeply disappointed to learn of Bush’s re-election. But I realized my action almost certainly influenced some voters. I saw six other “STOP BUSH” signs in Logan and neighboring towns between 2005 and 2008. Without hesitation, I can confidently say my letting the first domino fall made that possible. And now, 20 years later, we wake up every morning in a country where George W. Bush is no longer President.

You’re welcome.