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Woke Dude Putting Everyone To Sleep

COLUMBUS, Ohio — “Woke dude” Pete McNamara lulled a once-thriving party into collective slumber after vocalizing his socially progressive opinions, according to extremely disinterested listeners.…

Misguided Activist Frees Gluten

FORT WORTH, Texas – A local anarchist stole and destroyed several pounds of gluten at an industrial bakery yesterday in a misguided, good-faith effort to…

Internet Activist Chains Self to Computer

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — 24-year-old Jonathan Warner chained himself to his Macbook Pro earlier this week to protest “everything that’s going on in the world,”…