Benjamin Scott Folds, better known to the world as Benjamin Scott Folds, has had quite a prolific musical career since the late-’80s, and still rocks shows packed with your ex-wives and her awful friends to this day. Speaking of ex-wives, we theorize that the real Ben Folds Five does NOT include bassist Robert Sledge or drummer Darren Jessee, but rather is a literal numbered band featuring BF and his four ex-wives, a true collection of songs for the dumped. Let’s get back on track: Often compared to piano-based performance/songwriting influences/legends Billy Joel, Elton John, Randy Newman, and Cannibal Corpse, the man nicknamed Ben Folds, has released A LOT of music and we don’t trust your opinion on such unless you’ve heard every one of ‘em. We ranked eight LPs below and co-releases with others, B-side/rarities, side projects, and compilations don’t count.
8. Ben Folds Five “The Sound of the Life of the Mind” (2012)
Before we get into the most recent and likely final effort from Ben Folds Five that came out just over a decade ago, which proves the adage that time does in fact fly, the eight full-length studio albums that we are waxing poetic about here are a sort of MySpace Top 8 for nerdy theater kids, and our verbiage on this entry, BF5’s fourth full-length “The Sound of the Life of the Mind” starts now with a short note: sometimes reunion albums should finish before they start. While “The Sound of the Life of the Mind” is Ben Folds Five’s first top ten album on the Billboard 100, and opens with a top twenty BF5 song in “Erase Me,” this LP should have been a reunion EP, and if the band released such, their legacy wouldn’t have had a meh asterisk.
Play it again: “Erase Me”
Skip it: About ⅓ of it
7. Ben Folds “What Matters Most” (2023)
Like the aforementioned “The Sound of the Life of the Mind,” Ben Folds’ most recent full-length solo studio album “What Matters Most” consists of just ten tracks, but unlike the final Ben Fold’s Five release, it has a tad more replay value. Produced by extreme AF multi-instrumentalist Joe Pisapia, formerly of contemporary peer band Guster, “What Matters Most,” uh, matters, and deserves your time and attention. Still, one BF and BF5 had to be listed last, and so this one and its number eight ranking predecessor, land in the not so golden stinker spots, but remember this, a dud from Folds is a gem to most others. We’ll get into it more later, but the best solo and band efforts from Benjamin are “no skip” releases, and that is HARD to do for anyone not named GG Allin.
Play it again: “Winslow Gardens”
Skip it: ¼ of it
6. Ben Folds “Way to Normal” (2008)
Likely best known for its Regina “Orange Is The New Black” Spektor collaboration, the gorgeous and catchy, “You Don’t Know Me,” “Way to Normal,” Ben Folds’ third full-length studio album without the Five or other acts like author, yMusic, symphony, Nick Hornby, fellow Ben, like Kweller, Lee, or Franklin, and superstar A&R, Marcia Clark, is a fun listen front to back for both fans of Folds and people not in the know like you and all of your grubby friends. Also, “Way to Normal” has Folds’ best song title with “Free Coffee,” and we are totally serious about said assessment unless we aren’t; “Fred Jones Part 2” remains a not-so-close second. Fun fact: The word “Normal” in this album’s title does NOT mean “usual,” “standard,” or “ordinary,” but it IS about “Illinois.”
Play it again: “You Don’t Know Me” (featuring Regina Spektor)
Skip it: “The Frown Song”
5. Ben Folds “Songs for Silverman” (2005)
While many were first exposed to this LP via the uncontroversial in every sense of the word Bill Maher’s documentary or “documentary” “Religulous” and its smart and well done placement of our “play it again” song below, “Jesusland,” which came out three years after “Songs for Silverman” hit stores, ardent Folds fans sang this album’s praises before said “Politically Incorrect” endorsement and justifiably so. Also, it says A LOT that one of the better records from this century is ranked FIFTH of eight here, but that’s how the North Carolina cookie crumbled for this studio release, which is the best solo album in Folds’ catalog not named “Rockin’ the Suburbs.” In closing, “Songs for Silverman” contains backing vocals from the man, the myth, and the legacy known as “Weird Al” Yankovic on track ten, “Time”… Ain’t nobody got time for that? Nah, we do!
Play it again: “Jesusland”
Skip it: “Give Judy My Notice”
4. Ben Folds Five “Self-Titled” (1995)
Now we’re at the second half of this sterling piece, which is 75% BF5, 25% BF, and 0% incorrect subjectively OR objectively, and we aren’t taking any questions on the matter: Ben Folds Five’s self-titled debut album stood out and rocked the mid-’90s harder than most three-pieces could, and did so in a unique manner sans grungy guitars with fantastic piano playing, epically fuzzy and intricate bass work, and a solid drummer who kept the quirky songs in line, but that’s just our philosophy. Released via Passenger Records, a boutique subsidiary of Virgin Records/EMI with a strong partnership from Caroline Distribution, “Ben Folds Five,” from, err, Ben Folds Five, inspired an epic bidding war which was ultimately won by Sony on Epic/550. Too much biz for you? Here’s the short version: The band’s next LP, “Whatever and Ever Amen,” was doomed to succeed from the start!
Play it again: “Underground”
Skip it: “Sports & Wine”
3. Ben Folds Five “Whatever and Ever Amen (1997)
“Brick,” Ben Folds Five’s biggest hit single from this bronze medal entry effort, “Whatever and Ever Amen,” their sophomore full-length studio album, is likely what most pedestrians in this thing that we call life know of as BF5’s only song, and certainly one of the bigger ones referencing an abortion… AND fun(ny) fact: Jonathan Davis of Slipknot talked smack about Ben Folds Five shortly after this album came out, saying that they “sucked” and compared the music to what he would hear on “Cheers.” Funner fact that gets better every single time we think about it: Ben Folds got the band back with a vengeance via the title track to, “Rockin’ the Suburbs,” his debut solo album’s music video, and we will let you watch it for yourselves so you can see his visual clever dig retort involving “Freak On a Leash.”
Play it again: “Song for the Dumped”
Skip it: “Cigarette”
2. Ben Folds Five “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner” (1999)
It is extremely difficult to find a bad Ben Folds Five or Ben Folds solo song, at least to your Great Aunt Enid, so it made sense that his highest-ranked band album, the underrated and sad silver medal-winning “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner” is a “no skip” effort, as well as the next to be mentioned debut solo studio LP. The homophobic entity known as Chic-fil-A’s reference in this record’s biggest single, the minor hit they call “Army,” is difficult to sing out loud with a, wait for it, STRAIGHT face in 2024, but otherwise a catchy and solid effort. “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner” was also quite an orchestral departure from the quirky pop-rock sounds that many knew ‘em for, and that didn’t earn the band too many favors. Still, it’s the band’s most superior work and you know we’re right, unless you don’t.
Play it again: “Narcolepsy” – “Lullaby”
Skip it: “Sleeping Well” – “Loud Music That Doesn’t Help A Little One Sleep; no no no”
1. Ben Folds “Rockin’ the Suburbs” (2001)
Let’s start this suburban homesick blues entry with an interesting, interesting footnote for your dumb noggins: The subject of this piece, Ben Folds, played the majority of instruments which included piano, keyboards, guitars, bass, drums, and Hurdy Gurdy on this LP, “Rockin’ the Suburbs,” which proved both that he was hip to the kids with the apostrophe in “Rockin’,” and that he was a creative force that way too many slept on in their used Temper-Pedic beds. Ben Folds kickstarted the 21st century with a flawless bang/banger in the form of these twelve tracks, and you will feel like the luckiest, in fact, not the same ever again, if you previously overlooked said record and listened to “Rockin’ the Suburbs” right about now, the funk soul brother. If you were cool in 2001, you should revisit it now, as its replay value grows each and every time.
Play it again: “Annie Waits” – “The Luckiest”
Skip it: “Annie Is Mad Impatient” – “Unlucky Charlie Brown Who Gets Tortured By That Sociopathic Bully, Lucy van Pelt”
The year was 1970. The Watergate scandal rocked the nation, The Beatles parted ways, and kids across the country were going ballistic over plastic soldier dolls called G.I. Joe. It was the popularity of these toys that eventually created the term “action figure!”
Kids were delighted by the way these adorable little critters would wobble but never fall over! Look at those guys! Aren’t they just the cutest?
It’s amazing how many of these toys have stood the test of time! It’s almost hard to imagine a world without Boggle, but yes, 1972 was the first year people got their hands on this still popular word game, and as you can imagine it was a sensation!
1973 was truly the dawn of a toy empire, as it was the first year consumers could get their hands on non-expanding recreational foam guns, more commonly known as NERF guns. To this day, NERF projectiles remain a staple of American adolescence.
Can you even imagine a rec room without a Connect Four board in it? Needless to say, when the game debuted in 1974 it was an instant sensation and the must-have toy for that Christmas.
As hard as it is for later generations to grasp, kids in the mid-70s went crazy for the Pet Rock. This ridiculously simple smooth stone with googly eyes is practically the definition of a fad toy.
Though some versions of the skateboard have existed since the ‘50s, 1976 saw the invention of polyurethane skate wheels, which is what gives the board the maneuverability we know it for today, catapulting skateboards into the mainstream!
That’s right suck it Mattel Football, the Atari was THE hot ticket item of 1977. While not technically the first home gaming system, it was the first to make use of gaming cartridges allowing users to play games not already built into the console itself, and thus a new generation of gaming was born!
Hungry Hungry Hippos was a close second, but there’s just no denying the phenomenon of Star Wars Toys. They set the template for franchise merchandising as we know it today. These toys were so popular that for Christmas the previous year kids received empty boxes with a certificate from Kenner Toys saying they would get the doll as soon as they were able to produce enough to meet the demand.
It’s hard to believe now but Simon was once considered an extremely high-tech toy. While it no longer enjoys its status as a wonder of what the computer age can accomplish, it’s still considered one of the most iconic retro games of all time and can still be found on toy shelves across America.
There are quite a few lists of the best toy per year on the internet and while they aren’t all unanimous, you’ll find they all agree that the Rubik’s Cube was undeniably THE toy of 1980, and would in fact become one of the most iconic artifacts of the decade. We still haven’t solved ours!
Star Wars and G.I. Joe set the template, but “Masters of the Universe” saw the media-to-advertise-toys formula perfected. While most of our peak demographic wasn’t alive to see the boom of He-Man action figures they remained a staple of toy boxes for the next decade.
Decades before they would become weirdly sexualized by strange men on the internet, My Little Pony were just cute little horse dolls with brushable hair designed to compete with Barbie.
The dolls that crawled so Garbage Pale Kids could walk. This was the must-have toy for Christmas of 1983 and sort of began the phenomenon of media-sensationalized toy crazes as we know them. Parents would wait in lines for hours, bicker and shove each other, desperate to grab one of the coveted dolls for their children in time for the holidays.
Robots in disguise! Transformers are arguably the most successful media-backed toy franchise of all time, first bolstered by a comic book, then various cartoons, and eventually, a mediocre film franchise still going strong somehow! Maybe it’s because the toys themselves are undeniably cool, cashing in on ‘80s adolescent boys’ two greatest loves, robots and fast cars!
A talking doll with a mouth that actually moves may seem commonplace today, but in 1985 it was a revolutionary sensation! Kids didn’t quite know whether to love Teddy Ruxpin or be terrified of him but either way, they were obsessed!
It’s hard to believe now but there was a time in this country when video games seemed to be a passing fad. When the NES hit shelves in 1985 it struggled to stay afloat. Then, in 1986, Super Mario Brothers came out and changed everything. It was the dawn of a gaming empire and for many Americans the beginning of what would become the gamer lifestyle.
It is estimated that you will walk into a new place and say out loud “Hey, they have Jenga here” three times every year. Whether you’re at a children’s sleepover or the hottest bar in town, Jenga is never out of style, and it all started in 1987!
Trolls are probably better known for the series of kid’s movies they’ve inspired today, but in the ‘60s these long colorful-haired little dolls were a sensation. They enjoyed a huge resurgence in the late ‘80s through the ‘90s appealing to both kids and nostalgic adults alike.
While handheld electronic games had existed for some time by this point, the Game Boy’s cartridge-based gameplay was truly revolutionary. Future iterations of the console are still going strong today, and the original model is still considered a must-have by retro gaming fans.
The dream-like debut self-titled album from American Football has rightfully become a monumental moment in emo, in many ways defining the Midwest Emo subgenre with its clean production and math-y guitar hooks. It sonically captures a sense of youthful optimism, which of course, you are no longer able to feel. Plus, the iconic cover of a suburban house makes it the perfect soundtrack for driving slowly past the house you’ve been kicked out of as you make your way back to the apartment you share with three stand up comedians you found on Craigslist.
New Jersey based Saves the Day’s biggest album “Through Being Cool” was hugely influential, adding elements of pop-punk into their previously heavier sound to create a lasting document of teen isolation and loneliness. But hey, it’s not just for teens, and you’ll feel right at home putting this on while you eat imitation crab, directly from the packaging, alone in your apartment for the third night this week.
The one before they got really popular, this album has achieved a cult-like status among emo connoisseurs like yourself. Your ex-wife really liked “The Middle,” so now you can listen to this album without her asking when that song was coming. That song’s not on this album, Sharon!
The Get Up Kids’ second studio album”Something to Write Home About” blended emo with power pop and indie rock creating a classic album with hooks so strong, they will stay in your head even through hours of depositions with you and your ex’s lawyers as you sift through the ruins of your previous life together. You won’t care though, because, in your head, you’ll be singing along to “Holiday.”
The critically acclaimed second album from Midwest Emo band Rainer Maria, Look Now Again, uses poetic lyrics and shimmering guitars to evoke sad longings. The male/female alternating dynamic of their two co-vocalists, bassist Cathlin De Marrais and guitarist Kaia Fischer can help you relive every argument you and Sharon ever had, if only you two had prettier voices and a better grasp of the English language.
Orchid, the pride of Amherst, Massachusetts, was one of the early and most prominent Screamo bands, combining bracing elements of hardcore with more melodic turns from emo. Their first album “Chaos is Me” has remained extremely influential and is perfect to scream along too while punching a hole in the wall after hearing about how your ex-wife has moved on and is dating a personal trainer. At least the music is good, you can learn a bit of French, and check out this Nietzsche guy!
The debut album by the New Brunswick, New Jersey band Thursday shows a lot of the promise the band would later channel into Emo masterpiece “Full Collapse.” Many of the band’s elements are here on their debut album, which is perfect for you to think back on how promising your marriage once was before you got comfortable and took everything for granted.
One of the most popular early emo bands, the Promise Ring, transitioned to a more power pop oriented sound with their third album, Very Emergency. You can use this album to put yourself in a sweet, nostalgic mood before desperately calling Sharon and begging for her to take you back.
This criminally underrated band from San Diego, put out the masterpiece “Fire in the City of the Automatons” in 1999, weaving math-rock riffs through elements of emo and post-hardcore. They somehow never get credit for being an incredible band, just like you never get credit for all the good things you did in your marriage, like the one year when you remembered your anniversary without a reminder, and you even got Sharon a really nice crab declawing tool. Like the music of No Knife, all these good deeds seem to be lost to time.
The Ataris were more pop punk, with elements of emo, but don’t let that stop you from having it soundtrack your full-on nervous breakdown after you accidentally drive past you and your ex-wife’s favorite restaurant. The place where they give a little bib and dump a bucket of crab on the table, Sharon always did love it when you’d pretend the crab claws were really your hands, and you’d make her call you Lord Shell-don, even though she said she didn’t want to do it this time, and she just wanted to have a normal, quiet dinner, but you could tell she actually thought it was cool and sexy.
A collection of instrumentals, unreleased songs and demos from the legendary D.C. indie/emo pioneers Fugazi used to soundtrack the film “Instrument.” Their castaway songs are better than most bands,’ which you can relate to, because you are now essentially a castaway yourself, waiting to be re-discovered and cherished, and told that you are special and that personal training is dumb, and nobody should have ever left you.
Just 5 songs, but containing some of Bright Eyes best songs from their early era. Yes, cry-singing, “I believe that lovers should be tied together and thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather and left there to drown left there to drown in their innocence” from the song “A Perfect Sonnet” into Sharon’s voicemail is a really good idea, because it shows how committed you are now and that you’re in a good place mentally and everything.
The third album from Florida punk rock/ emo/ post-hardcore band Hot Water Music expanded the band’s sound, adding elements of pop punk and southern gospel. It’s perfect to pump you up at the gym, where you just started a new membership, and you’re wondering which one of these personal trainer fuck-sticks is boinking your wife.
This is an underrated classic in the emo/indie rock genre. Singer Brett Detar penned many deep emotional lyrics, pairing them with sweet and infectious melodies, while also being the guitarist in the metalcore band Zao. He proves that people can contain multitudes and they’re not just one thing, which would be cool for Sharon to understand. You’re not just the crab claw guy, you also are really good at cornhole, like 2nd or 3rd best amongst your guy friends.
A somewhat unknown gem of an album, released in 1999, Pop Unknown featured ex-members of Mineral and Feed Lucy. Yeah, maybe Pop Unknown is not as well known as Mineral, but they made something work after their first bands broke up. Bands they probably thought would last forever. The music on this album is really good, if not as revolutionary as Mineral, and hey, maybe that’s okay, too.
Piebald’s classic album from the tale end of their early era, “If It Weren’t For Venetian Blinds, It’d be Curtains for Us All” combines influences such as Jawbreak and Sunny Day Real Estate and Cave In, forming a powerful statement, though not as powerful of a statement as the statement the gym made when they kicked you out after you personally challenged every personal trainer into a game of one-on-one, mano a mano, cornhole showdown.
This album by San Diego band Tristeza, who featured Jimmy LaValle of the Album Leaf, blended elements of post-rock to create an expansive and beautiful album full of soundscapes. Tristeza means Sadness, and that’s very appropriate because that’s all you’ll be feeling for a while, after all your attempts to win back your ex have fallen flat.
“Mission Control!” is the debut album by Burning Airlines, who formed after the breakup of the legendary Jawbox. On this release, they managed to keep the best parts of Jawbox intact while exploring new sonic territories, just like you’ll be doing as you resolve to become a better person, and build your life back up.
Though not the most well-known emo album of the era, this release by Southern California’s Gameface has everything you’d want in an emo record: catchy melodies, heartfelt lyrics, big guitars, everything. This will be helpful for making your new Match.com profile, because you’ve got it all, too. You’re well on your way to scoring a new fling to rub in your ex’s face.
The debut album from pop-punk, emo adjacent, group A New Found Glory, was undeniably catchy and hugely influential over the Fall Out Boys of the world coming down the Emo pike. You know what? These guys dressed cool. You can pretty much still almost fit in your old clothes from when you dressed that way. You could probably still spike your hair up like that and then you can frost those fucking tips, baby. Post-divorce you is looking fly as shit.
The debut album from Small Brown Bike, which channels Hot Water Music and Jawbreaker, is not widely famous, but it is beloved by those in the know, like you. It’s a hidden gem, just like the Crab Hut, where you’ll be going on a date with someone you met from Match.com. She’s pretty much your girlfriend and pretty much better than Sharon in every way.
Torches to Rome were a three-piece hardcore/emo band from the Bay Area who released an EP and this album, their only full-length. It is heavily influenced by Fugazi and other D.C. bands but it stands on its own right as an awesome one-and-done album. You can thrash around and, generally, just go crazy in your car to this album after your date turns out to be uncultured and rude, and the staff at the Crab Hut turns out to be total narc cops who can’t take a joke.
The debut release by emo pop punk band Reggie and the Full Effect is considered by fans to be a classic album of the genre. It’s full of poppy hooks, and lots of funny movie references. Like the kind you and your guy friends make to make each other, cold beer in one hand and soft bean bag in the other. You know what? Maybe through all this crazy mess you and Sharon might just become friends and have a laugh about this whole thing someday.
The Casket Lottery, featuring some members of the band Coalesce, have a sound all their own, with jangly guitar chords, lush arrangement and poetic lyrics. You can put it on and look back over this whole crazy divorce process, and tell yourself you’re going to be alright. It might be a lie, but you can do it.
Another underrated album from 1999, Camber was an Emo band in the vein of Sunny Day Real Estate or Mineral. Their second album, Anyway, I’ve Been There is a perfect encapsulation of their sound and of late ’90s Emo in general. It sounds great, even years later, and you can assume it will sound great years in the future, when you run into Sharon on the streets, or at the park, maybe you’re both pushing strollers, you share a look of recognition and a first, awkward breaking of the silence, then the conversation gets going and you talk about all the good times. You pretend your hands are crab claws and say “Lord Shelldon misses you.” She halfway smiles, you can tell she wants to smile more, but she’s not letting herself fall in love again. You part with a sideways half-hug. You put this album on. 1999 was a great year for emo.