BATON ROUGE, La. — Emerging industrial-punk outfit Good Idea/Rad Idea is reportedly furious with their booking agent after noticing their upcoming nationwide tour is definitely mapped out in the exact order of “Animaniacs” song “Wakko’s America,” nostalgic but skeptical sources confirmed.
“This is going to be impossible. Have you ever heard that song? It goes all over! At one point we’ll be hopping from Columbus, Ohio; Montgomery, Alabama; and Helena, Montana?! Easy to keep track of because it kind of rhymes, sure, but really tough on the gas bill and car mileage!” said synth-bassist Hiram Dennyson, who is on record as being more of a “Road Rovers” guy growing up. “Plus, driving that Michigan to Hawaii to Mississippi leg is going to fill the car up with ocean water. And on top of everything, the damn thing has gotten ‘Turkey in the Straw’ stuck in our heads since we learned about it. This is gonna suck so hard.”
Booking agent Grayson Hulger was quick to own up to his extreme slip in judgment.
“Look, all I can say is I’m mortified. It’s just so catchy and embedded deep in the recesses my brain. It just came out, I guess! I mean, YOU try looking at a big list of US cities and not hearing it in Wakko’s inexplicably British-sounding voice!” opined a frazzled Hulger. “What the band doesn’t realize is that it could have been way worse. I had to re-book the whole thing midway through when I got it confused with Tom Lehrer’s Periodic Table novelty song! I would’ve had the boys playing gigs in towns called ‘Ytterbium’ and ‘Boron.’ At least they’re going to places that actually exist!”
Longtime “Animaniacs” writer and creator Tom Ruegger laments the musical monster he helped birth.
“Oh, I get hundreds of angry emails, letters, and notes tied to bricks weekly from frustrated millennials who accidentally slip into the song’s scheduling for their ruined road trips, vacations, and, yes, the occasional US tour,” said Ruegger. “If we had had any foresight at all we would’ve routed out the lyrics in a more sensible way like ‘After Trenton, head to Dover / Once Annapolis is over / and then play your gig in Richmond at McCormack’s Irish Pub / You’ll hit Raleigh not long after / if your booker isn’t daft, sir / then cruise right into Frankfurt, for your soundcheck at the club.’ But c’mon, it was the ‘90s!”
At press time, Good Idea/Rad Idea has since fired Hulger from his booking duties after discovering he wasn’t a booking agent at all, but actually a giant chicken.