Taylor De La Ossa, Author at HARDTIMES

Music News: TikTok Testing AI Music Creation With Prompts For Users

Posted on January 27, 2024 by Jake Skudder

TikTok is reportedly experimenting with AI so that users will be able to generate music based on simple prompts, according to TechCrunch.

The short video platform has partnered with Bloom, a language model AI, for lyric creation, and the instrumental itself will be available from a pre-saved catalogue that TikTok provides.

In pretty much the same way you’d use something like ChatGPT, users can enter their own prompts or choose from a ‘curated’ selection such as “going to concerts” or “cuddling with pets” whilst also choosing a genre like Pop, EDM or Hip-Hop.

Music News: TikTok Experimenting with AI Music

It’s both incredible and frightening just how quickly AI use is becoming commonplace in the creative world, with many artists already having to file copyright claims against tracks that have been created without their blessing or actual physical input.

Some have actually embraced this different approach to ‘song creation,’ with the likes of Grimes bringing out their own tech to essentially make it easier for people to use their favourite singer’s voice to add to their own tracks.

Essentially, this is probably TikTok’s way of trying to avoid paying out expensive licenses to artists when their track is used for a viral video. That may sound cynical, but that’s because I am.

The Hard Times Goes Real (at least a bit of it has)

Yes, The Hard Times have a real music news section now, but you don’t need to freak out. Make sure you check out more of the content we have via our /realnews/ section and if you happen to be a pro wrestling or combat sports fan you can check out my own site FightFans.

Read More: Spaced Confirm Debut LP and Share Brand New Video

Music News: Morrissey Cancels Anniversary Shows

Posted on January 26, 2024 by Jake Skudder

Morrissey has cancelled two ‘You Are The Quarry’ 20th-anniversary shows that were set to take place this weekend, with the venues citing “unforeseen circumstances.”

The former Smiths frontman was set to appear at Anaheim, California’s Honda Center on January 26 and Los Angeles’ Kia Forum on January 27, before both venues confirmed on X/Twitter that the shows would no longer be going ahead.

Both venues sent out near-identical cancellation messages, and the majority of fans didn’t actually seem to be too surprised that he had nixed another couple of dates.

“Morrissey is gonna Morrissey” was one of the replies to the tweet from the Civic Center, with another fan noting “Pssh, I just got tickets yesterday!!!” But the most apt reply stated, “Why anyone continues to buy tickets to Morrissey shows, I’ll never know.”

Music News: Morrissey Cancels Anniversary Shows

This isn’t the first time that the British singer has cancelled shows last minute, with Morrissey having stopped a date last year at London’s Crystal Palace on July 9.

A tour was then announced, but interestingly, the Nottingham Royal Concert Hall gig that replaced the Crystal Palace show in said tour was also cancelled. For both shows that were cancelled, the venues also claimed that it was due to “unforeseen circumstances.”

To quote someone pretty wise, “Why anyone continues to buy tickets to Morrissey shows, I’ll never know.”

The Hard Times: We also do real news now

Music News: Sunny Day Real Estate Releases First Music In Ten Years

Posted on January 26, 2024 by Jake Skudder

Iconic emo band Sunny Day Real Estate has released their first music for fans to check out in around ten (agonising) years.

The outfit last released tracks on a split 7″ with Circa Survive back in 2014 titled ‘Lipton Witch,’ but with the release of “Novum Vetus,” fans finally have a new slice of Seattle-tinged emo to chew on.

Music News: Sunny Day Real Estate New Song

The track was originally created back in 1998 during the “How It Feels To Be Something On” sessions (via BrooklynVegan), and original members Jeremy Enigk, Dan Hoerner, and William Goldsmith got together with current guitarist Greg Suran and bassist Chris Jordan to record the track at Seattle’s London Bridge Studio.

Diary – Live at London Bridge Studio is set to come out on May 3rd, and you can check out the 7-minute “Novum Vetus” below:

Sunny Day Real Estate Tour

The band will also be going out on tour for the 30th Anniversary of Diary, and the band will be heading to the following venues on the following dates:

Wed March 13 – Lawrence, KS – Liberty Hall
Thu March 14 – Oklahoma City, OK – Beer City Music Hall
Sat March 16 – Austin, TX – SPIN at Stubb’s
Wed May 01 – Raleigh, NC – Lincoln Theatre
Fri May 03 – Gainesville, FL – High Dive
Sat May 04 – Atlanta, GA – Shaky Knees Music Festival
Tue May 07 – Washington, DC – The Howard Theatre
Thu May 09 – Philadelphia, PA – Theatre of Living Arts
Sun May 12 – Boston, MA – Big Night Live
Wed May 15 – New York, NY – Irving Plaza
Wed Aug 14 – Dallas, TX – The Echo Lounge & Music Hall
Sat Aug 17 – Denver, CO – Summit
Tue Aug 20 – Seattle, WA – The Showbox
Wed Aug 21 – Portland, OR – Pioneer Square (PDX Live Series)
Fri Aug 23 – Seattle, WA – The Showbox
Sun Sep 22 – Louisville, KY – Bourbon & Beyond Festival
Wed Sep 25 – Chicago, IL – House of Blues
Sat Sep 28 – Minneapolis, MN – The Fillmore
Tue Oct 15 – San Francisco, CA – August Hall
Fri Oct 18 – Los Angeles, CA – The Belasco

Sunny Day Real Estate New Album Pre-Order

You can pre-order Diary – Live at London Bridge Studio via the official Sunny Day Real Estate site here. As well as the standard release, you can also pre-order one of the hand-signed versions, but be quick because there are only 200 on offer.

Music News: Frank Turner Announces New Album and Releases Single

Posted on January 26, 2024 by Jake Skudder

Frank Turner has confirmed the name of his upcoming album and released a new single for fans to check out in the meantime.

Speaking to BrooklynVegan, Turner discussed how he approached releasing the tenth studio album of his solo career following his time in the post-hardcore band Million Dead.

“There are no clichés about the difficult 10th album, so in some ways, that’s a liberating statement,” the singer-songwriter began. “But at the same time, I have a duty to justify writing and releasing a 10th album.

“That’s a lot of records for anybody. Also, I’m 42, which is not a sexy, rock’n’roll age. But all through my career, I’ve been interested in writers like Loudon Wainwright III or The Hold Steady, people who write about adulthood, essentially” Turner added.

Music News: Frank Turner New Album News

The new LP includes the single “No Thank You For The Music” (ABBA fans don’t get mad), which Turner himself calls “a song about defiance, rejection of mainstream culture, pride in the underground, and staying angry as you get older.”

Despite being nearly two decades into his career as a solo artist, Turner also stated to BrookylnVegan that he believes there are tracks on the new album that are some of his best work: “19 years into my solo career, I’m still standing up and putting out some of my best work. It feels good.”

Check out the two singles from the upcoming album below:

Frank Turner New Album Pre-Order

You can pre-order the new Frank Turner album via Backstreet Merch now, including several different versions that include exclusive merch.

And yes, The Hard Times have a real music news section now, but you don’t need to freak out. Make sure you check out more of the content we have via our /realnews/ section and if you happen to be a pro wrestling or combat sports fan you can check out my own site FightFans.

Aggressive Hims Commercials Start Listing Bald, Limp-Dicked Men by Name

Posted on January 26, 2024 by The Hard Times Staff

SAN FRANCISCO — A new campaign of directly targeted Hims ads on television and streaming platforms are calling out multiple bald or sexually inadequate men by name, confirmed sources wondering why they have been singled out.

“I was catching up on ‘The Bear’ and a very beige commercial came on talking about how a lot of men have erectile dysfunction. All of a sudden it flashed a photo of me on screen and a voiceover said ‘Including this dud named Gavin who is only 32 and couldn’t get hard if his life depended on it,’” said local programmer Gavin Farmer. “It was a 90-second ad and 45 seconds of it was one of my ex-girlfriends talking about my, um, troubles in bed. Like how I couldn’t get it up, and when I did I finished way too quick and how Hims could help with that as well. What she didn’t mention is how good I am at giving backrubs.”

Hims marketing executive Lee Whitlock defended the new ads and believes they will have a positive impact on the company’s bottom line.

“We initially launched with a series of commercials with just bald men we wanted to target. Basically calling them out for wearing beanies all the time, and saying if they use our spray they might have fuller hair in a few years,” said Whitlock. “Then we ramped it up and did a nationwide survey of unsatisfied wives and girlfriends and selected 100 men at random to target. As soon as they sign up for a doctor consultation we pull the spot mentioning them, and this puts every other soft cock in America on edge because hey, they might be next. So if you’re pushing rope you better go to our website immediately before the world knows you’re the sexual equivalent of unflavored yogurt.”

Advertising historian Adrian Bellow says there is a long history of companies directly targeting customers.

“When Viagra first hit the market there was a sales boom. Then it leveled off and Pharma companies started getting creative. They would take out ads in magazines like Popular Mechanics with a series of headshots of men suffering from ED under a headline that said ‘These Guys Can’t Fuck, Their Wives Need You,’” said Bellow. “That created a second boom, and it did sort of backfire when one of the men who was outed as having a floppy noodle set multiple cars on fire in the parking lot at Viagra headquarters.”

At press time, Hims competitor Roman unveiled a new product where they will send a virile young man to have sex with your partner in front of you.

Opinion: Sure, I Could Be Up Front About My Feelings, but Where’s the Months of Unnecessary Tension in That?

Posted on January 26, 2024 by Emma Jonas

Someone told me you find my communication style “passive-aggressive” and “conflict-avoidant to the point that it creates a bigger problem than there was in the first place.” I’ve actually been sending crystal clear signals by avoiding eye contact and sighing with exasperation after every time I speak to you, during which I use the bare minimum of words and respond with phrases like “Really? Ok, if you’re sure, I guess,” and “Um, sure, I’ll see if I can help you with that, but I don’t know, I’m pretty busy right now and this is a lot for you to throw at me.”

You sound just like my teachers, friends, partners, bosses, family members, and the guy next to me on the subway, who have all said that I’ve made them feel things like “uncomfortable in their work environment” or like I “don’t deserve to be in the will anymore.”

But after spending months nitpicking my communication style and trying to coerce me into sharing my private feelings, they each saw the light. My refusal to offer the merest glimpse into my vulnerable interior, which is frankly none of their business, has driven everyone in my life to give up trying to change me because I communicate that there’s no chance. My communication style is very effective!

You want to know how I feel? That’s for me to know and for you to piece together based on how I sign my emails. If you think I’m above flippantly saying something mildly to astoundingly insulting and walking away casually, as if I’d just made an innocuous comment on the weather, you need to examine what happened in your childhood that made you that way.

I pity your need to know everything. There’s no mystery to that. Can you imagine if Darth Vader had been introduced as Luke’s dad and Luke and Leia were introduced as siblings up top? We’d lose out on a whole world of psychosexual incestual family drama. Boring!

So the next time you want to corner me and demand to know why I’ve been glaring at you from across the room every day for three weeks, don’t be surprised when I tell you that you need to brush your teeth first if you want to have a conversation with me like an adult. You’re welcome for preserving a sense of mystery in this appallingly transparent world!

With cordial regards.

Prog Rock Fan Can’t Believe He Has to Sit Through 15-Second Ad Before Video Plays

Posted on January 26, 2024 by Mimi Kenny

PITTSBURGH – Philip Hansley, a self-proclaimed “scholar and devotee” of the progressive rock genre, expressed his outward frustration about having to wait for an unskippable 15-second commercial to finish playing before he could watch a video, several unshaven sources report.

“This is fucking bullshit,” Hansley was heard yelling at his laptop, six seconds into an ad for online pet care retailer Chewy after he realized the “Skip” button wasn’t going to show up as early as he was hoping it would. “Why is it taking so long? Who the hell has time for this much pointless nonsense? I feel like every fucking second of my life is getting sucked up by advertising. My time is precious and I simply refuse to allow it to be wasted so wantonly.”

Otto Dawson, Hansley’s roommate and fellow “proghead” who could hear him distinctly in the next room, says this occurrence isn’t uncommon.

“Multiple times a week, you can count on Phil getting upset because he can’t see that 35-minute ‘Tarkus’ live performance or whatever else quite as quickly as he would like,” Dawson said. “I try and tell him to just install an ad-blocker, but he says that would be ‘a hassle’ and ‘take too long’. I’m not sure if someone I know has listened to and enjoyed ‘Moonchild’ sober at least 30 times is the best judge of time management.”

Dr. Jedediah Stivers, a professor of music history at Northwestern University, notes Hansley’s behavior as a clear-cut example of the phenomenon known as “prog patience,” said to have been first observed in patients sometime in 1970.

“Philip, like so many other prog fans, exhibits incredible patience and resilience in some instances, such as while listening to all six parts of Yes’ “Fly From Here,’ said Stivers. “But that’s not much of a virtue when he’s still the kind of guy to aggressively honk at someone who takes more than half a second to go through a green light. You would think listening to all those flutes would’ve made him more chilled-out in general, but I guess not.”

At press time, Hansley was enraged that the 25-minute slowed and reverbed Porcupine Tree song he was enjoying was interrupted by a phone call from his mother who “just wanted to say a quick ‘hello.’”

Jon Stewart Returns to “The Daily Show’ After Seeing How Soft Media Has Gotten on George W. Bush

Posted on January 25, 2024 by Dan Rice

NEW YORK — Comedy Central announced that Jon Stewart is returning to host “The Daily Show” on Mondays citing what he believes to be “A shameful failure (by major networks) to criticize the nepotism and warmonger puppeteering” of former president George W. Bush.

“You turn on the news today and it’s all these vapid, empty-calorie stories about celebrities like Donald Trump. Why are we even spending time talking about that guy? There is virtually no mention of George W. Bush, our government’s failure to find evidence of WMDs in Iraq, or Dick Cheney’s attempts to subvert limitations on the executive branch,” said Stewart while listening to a first-generation iPod. “It’s gutless and it’s irresponsible, so yeah, I’m back and nobody is safe. I hope you’re listening Colin Powell.”

The overall response to Stewart’s part-time return to hosting duties on “The Daily Show” has been immediately ecstatic.

“Finally, after nine long years, we’ll have a media personality unafraid to speak truth to power. People are so wrapped up in the 2024 election right now that they seem to forget George W. got us involved in an illegal war that lasted nearly a decade. And no matter where I look I can’t find anyone willing to lampoon him with a funny turn of phrase and zany look to camera,” said longtime fan Andy Selgian. “We’re talking about a man who once butchered the phrase ‘Fool me once,’ and all of a sudden we’re just giving him a pass? Mr. Stewart, welcome back, we’ve missed you.”

While Stewart’s return comes as a surprise to fans, professional media analysts see the move as highly logical.

“The networks are in crisis right now trying to draw in viewers who prefer to get their news from TikTok,” explained media expert Sarah Yang. “They realized the best way to make inroads with youth culture is by bringing back a 61-year-old man to a cable channel most young people never watch unless they are doing laundry at their parent’s house and end up watching reruns of ‘South Park.’”

Though none of the other talent from the Stewart era have officially announced a return, insiders have leaked that Mo Rocca is in talks with the network to become the show’s senior Hurricane Katrina correspondent.

Kid Only Vaping to Look Cool in Front of Older Brother’s Sex Robot

Posted on January 25, 2024 by Courtney Hill

FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sixth-grader Kenny Jenkins suddenly took up vaping in hopes of charming his older brother’s sex robot, sources close to the modern-day love triangle reported.

“Vaping is my true passion,” Jenkins proclaimed before nearly dry heaving to death on a micro hit. “Anyone who says I only vape to impress my brother’s pleasure bot is reading too far into it. The fact I started vaping the same day he got her or that I seem to wait until she’s looking to take a big dramatic drag is sheer coincidence. So what if her eyes are like diamonds and her lips are strawberry honey? It’s not like I lie awake in bed wondering if she thinks I’m funny or if she wants to hit my vape or how happy we’ll be once we run away together. No, sir. I vape purely for the flavor; albacore-banana is my favorite!”

The boy’s mother Delores Jenkins struggled to decide which of her sons brings more shame to the family these days.

“I don’t know which is worse: My oldest getting his jollies from some animatronic hussy or the younger one vaping to get her attention,” the mother of two lamented before lighting up a cigarette. “My husband assures me it’s just ‘weirdo boy stuff’ but he’s not the one that has to clean Greg’s room. When the vape fumes mix with the post-coital cyborg stench it’s like RoboCop threw an orgy at a Pinkberry. And to think, my mother nearly had a heart attack when she caught me practice kissing an apple. I’m truly relieved she died before having to see technological advances tear our family apart.”

School counselor Marnie Riskin helped contextualize the situation.

“Ripping a vape pen for the approval of a sex robot is classic younger-child syndrome,” Riskin explained. “When Kenny hears his older brother jackhammering away at that poor doll all day, he subconsciously perceives it as a threat to his own masculinity. Naturally he is going to project strength and maturity to steal away some of that attention. It’s like I always say; the intercourse might not be real but the infatuation with a hot robot sure is. And honestly, this is nothing compared to the other stuff kids are doing these days- have you heard of squaphing?! Don’t look it up.”

At press time, the sex robot was deemed useless after a plume of vape smoke short-circuited its operating system.

Sad: I Carried A Really Heavy Package All By Myself And No One Saw

Posted on January 25, 2024 by Kelley Greene

This is the loneliest day of my life! I got a very heavy package delivered today. Don’t believe me? It had, not one, but two “Heavy” stickers stuck to the box. And I heroically carried it up to my apartment all by myself, and not a single person was around to see it and cheer me on.

The second I got the delivery confirmation email, I sprinted down to the mailroom. I was hoping I’d run into the driver so he’d have to hand it directly to me. He’d ask, “Whoa, you sure you got this?” and I’d say, “Yeah, I’m fine! I bench way more than this.” I’ve never actually benched anything, but at least I could say that, you know?

Unfortunately, he was already gone. I squatted down to get it off the floor and let out a hefty grunt, but nobody even came to check on me and make sure I hadn’t given myself a hernia.

After about seven minutes of angling and propping the box up against the wall I finally had the package off the ground. I started up the stairs and shifted the box over to my hip to take up as much space as possible. Surely someone would need to pass me, and I’d get to tell them, “You know, I’d love to move over, but if I set this thing down I might not be able to pick it back up again!”

Somehow, not a single person crossed my path. Where the hell was everyone? You would expect my apartment building lobby to be a madhouse at 10:30 a.m. on a Thursday.

I knew exactly where to go for support then — my friends. I sent a gibberish text to the group chat and waited. Once someone texted back, “What?” I knew I was in.

“Can’t respond right now. Carrying real big box,” I said, thinking that might pique some interest. When they didn’t reply, I FaceTimed the entire group. And nobody picked up. It makes me question if we were ever friends to begin with.

“Accident,” I texted again. “Because of box.” No response at all.

I couldn’t believe it. What if this had been a real emergency, and not just the kind of emergency where I need someone to witness me carrying something extremely heavy?

I finally reached my apartment, set the package down, and shoved it over the threshold with my foot. What a disappointment. I’m going to set it up for a return so I can carry it all the way to the FedEx dropoff down the street. If no one sees that, I guess I’ll have to reorder something even bigger and try again.

Because honestly, if you carry a giant package and no one is around to say, “Damn, girl you’re doing it!” did you really even carry it at all?

Music News: TikTok Experimenting with AI Music

The Hard Times Goes Real (at least a bit of it has)

Music News: Morrissey Cancels Anniversary Shows

The Hard Times: We also do real news now

Music News: Sunny Day Real Estate New Song

Sunny Day Real Estate Tour

Sunny Day Real Estate New Album Pre-Order

Music News: Frank Turner New Album News

Frank Turner New Album Pre-Order

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