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Morrissey Accused of Asexual Harassment

LOS ANGELES — Dozens of victims came forward this past weekend with completely nonsexual harassment accusations against iconic singer Morrissey. Nikita Whelms, a stagehand at…

Post-Breakup Goth Displays No Change Whatsoever

CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski is exhibiting “incredibly dark, morose, and in no way different” behavior than prior to a recent breakup with…

Morrissey Cancels Trip to Whole Foods

LOS ANGELES – Morrissey canceled his trip to Whole Foods in West Hollywood after claiming the grocery store refused to stop serving meat that day.…