This is the loneliest day of my life! I got a very heavy package delivered today. Don’t believe me? It had, not one, but two “Heavy” stickers stuck to the box. And I heroically carried it up to my apartment all by myself, and not a single person was around to see it and cheer me on.
The second I got the delivery confirmation email, I sprinted down to the mailroom. I was hoping I’d run into the driver so he’d have to hand it directly to me. He’d ask, “Whoa, you sure you got this?” and I’d say, “Yeah, I’m fine! I bench way more than this.” I’ve never actually benched anything, but at least I could say that, you know?
Unfortunately, he was already gone. I squatted down to get it off the floor and let out a hefty grunt, but nobody even came to check on me and make sure I hadn’t given myself a hernia.
After about seven minutes of angling and propping the box up against the wall I finally had the package off the ground. I started up the stairs and shifted the box over to my hip to take up as much space as possible. Surely someone would need to pass me, and I’d get to tell them, “You know, I’d love to move over, but if I set this thing down I might not be able to pick it back up again!”
Somehow, not a single person crossed my path. Where the hell was everyone? You would expect my apartment building lobby to be a madhouse at 10:30 a.m. on a Thursday.
I knew exactly where to go for support then — my friends. I sent a gibberish text to the group chat and waited. Once someone texted back, “What?” I knew I was in.
“Can’t respond right now. Carrying real big box,” I said, thinking that might pique some interest. When they didn’t reply, I FaceTimed the entire group. And nobody picked up. It makes me question if we were ever friends to begin with.
“Accident,” I texted again. “Because of box.” No response at all.
I couldn’t believe it. What if this had been a real emergency, and not just the kind of emergency where I need someone to witness me carrying something extremely heavy?
I finally reached my apartment, set the package down, and shoved it over the threshold with my foot. What a disappointment. I’m going to set it up for a return so I can carry it all the way to the FedEx dropoff down the street. If no one sees that, I guess I’ll have to reorder something even bigger and try again.
Because honestly, if you carry a giant package and no one is around to say, “Damn, girl you’re doing it!” did you really even carry it at all?