Robert Atkinson, Author at HARDTIMES

Music News: Major Record Label Pulling Songs From TikTok

Posted on January 31, 2024 by Jake Skudder

Universal Music has confirmed that it will be pulling millions of songs off of TikTok following a breakdown in talks over payments with the social media company.

Writing an ‘open letter to the artist and songwriter community,’ Universal ripped into TikTok’s use of AI and how it could essentially drive more profits to the company rather than the individual artists who are currently going viral on there:

“On AI, TikTok is allowing the platform to be flooded with AI-generated recordings—as well as developing tools to enable, promote and encourage AI music creation on the platform itself – and then demanding a contractual right which would allow this content to massively dilute the royalty pool for human artists, in a move that is nothing short of sponsoring artist replacement by AI” the letter noted.

Music News: Universal Music Accuses TikTok of Bullying

The most incendiary element of the open letter saw Universal accuse TikTok of “bullying.”

“As our negotiations continued, TikTok attempted to bully us into accepting a deal worth less than the previous deal, far less than fair market value and not reflective of their exponential growth” the letter revealed.

“How did it try to intimidate us? By selectively removing the music of certain of our developing artists, while keeping on the platform our audience-driving global stars.”

This reminds me a lot of that time Fat Mike got told that No Use For a Name wouldn’t continue to get airplay on MTV unless they got Leave It Alone and he refused out of principle (see it all relates to punk dammit).

The Hard Times Real News: Yeah I’m aware it’s not funny

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Make sure you check out more of the content we have via our /realnews/ section and if you happen to be a pro wrestling or combat sports fan you can check out my own site FightFans.

Music News: Knocked Loose Announce 2024 US Tour Dates

Posted on January 31, 2024 by Jake Skudder

Modern hardcore greats Knocked Loose have confirmed that they will be heading out on a 2024 US Tour, with dates now revealed.

The band will be taking out Show Me The Body, Loathe, and Speed as support for all of the dates except for April 27th.

Knocked Loose 2024 US Tour Dates

Here are all of the confirmed dates for the Knocked Loose US Tour (credit to PunkNews for the formatting):

Date	City	Venue
Apr 27	Las Vegas, NV	Sick New World (Knocked Loose only)
Apr 29	Detroit, MI	Russell Industrial Center
May 01	Nashville, TN	Marathon Music Works
May 03	Lawrence, KS	Granada
May 04	Oklahoma City, OK	The Criterion
May 05	Dallas, TX	The Factory in Deep Ellum
May 06	Austin, TX	Stubb’s Waller Creek Amphitheater
May 07	Houston, TX	White Oak Music Hall
May 10	Phoenix, AZ	The Marquee
May 11	Los Angeles, CA	The Shrine
May 12	San Francisco, CA	The Warfield
May 14	Seattle, WA	Showbox Sodo
May 15	Portland, OR	Roseland Theater
May 17	Boise, ID	Knitting Factory
May 18	Salt Lake City, UT	The Complex
May 19	Denver, CO	Mission Ballroom
May 21	St. Louis, MO	The Pageant
May 22	Minneapolis, MN	The Fillmore
May 23	Chicago, IL	Salt Shed
May 24	Newport, KY	Megacorp Pavilion
May 25	Cleveland, OH	Agora Theater
May 28	Pittsburgh, PA	Stage Age
May 29	Silver Spring, MD	The Fillmore
May 31	New York, NY	Terminal 5
Jun 01	Boston, MA	Roadrunner
Jun 03	Philadelphia, PA	Franklin Music Hall
Jun 04	Montreal, QC	Olympia
Jun 05	Toronto, ON	History
Jun 07	Raleigh, NC	The Ritz
Jun 08	Atlanta, GA	The Eastern
Jun 09	St. Petersburg, FL	Jannus Live

The Hard Times Real Music News: Yes it exists calm down

Yes, The Hard Times have a real music news section now, but you don’t need to freak out.

Make sure you check out more of the content we have via our /realnews/ section and if you happen to be a pro wrestling or combat sports fan you can check out my own site FightFans.

Music News: Queens of the Stone Age announce tour with Royal Blood

Posted on January 31, 2024 by Jake Skudder

Queens of the Stone Age have announced that they will be heading on a US tour this Spring with UK rock duo Royal Blood.

Live Nation have a pre-sale for the tour that starts on Thursday, February 1st that you can sign up for using the code ENERGY.

General tickets go on sale as of Friday, February 2nd and you can use this link to get more information.

Queens of the Stone Age US Tour 2024 Dates

Here are all of the confirmed dates for the tour:

FEBRUARY

5 – Osaka, JP, Zepp Namba Osaka
7 – Tokyo, JP, Tokyo Dome City Hall
10 – Perth, AU, Red Hill Auditorium %
13 – Adelaide, AU, The Drive %
15 – Hobart, AU, Nolan Gallery At Mona
16 – Hobart, AU, Mona Lawns %
18 – Torquay, AU, LOOKOUT Torquay Common &
19 – Melbourne, AU, Sidney Myer Music Bowl %
21 – Sydney, AU, The Hordern Pavilion %
24 – Gold Coast, AU, LOOKOUT Broadwater Parklands &
25 – Brisbane, AU, Fortitude Music Hall %
26 – Brisbane, AU, Fortitude Music Hall %
29 – Auckland, NZ, Spark Arena ^

MARCH

1 – Wellington, NZ, TSB Arena ^
3 – Christchurch, NZ, Wolfbrook Arena ^

APRIL

1 – Calgary, AB, Scotiabank Saddledome *
2 – Edmonton, AB, Rogers Place *
3 – Saskatoon, SK, Sasktel Centre *
5 – Winnipeg, MB, Canada Life Centre *
8 – Oshawa, ON, Tribute Communities Centre *
9 – Kingston, ON, Leon’s Centre *
10 – London, ON, Budweiser Gardens *
12 – Ottawa, ON, Canadian Tire Centre *
13 – Laval, QC, Bell Place *
14 – Quebec City, QC, Videotron Centre *
16 – Moncton, NB, Avenir Centre *
17 – Halifax, NS, Scotiabank Centre *

MAY

2 – Raleigh, NC @ Red Hat Amphitheater
4 – Atlanta, GA @ Shaky Knees Music Festival
6 – Portsmouth, VA @ Atlantic Union Bank Pavilion #
7 – Wilmington, NC @ Live Oak Bank Pavilion #
8 – North Charleston, SC @ Firefly Distillery #
10 – Hollywood, FL @ Hard Rock Live #
11 – Daytona Beach, FL @ Welcome to Rockville

JULY

4 – Rome, IT @ Roma Summer Fest at Cavea Auditorium Parco della Musica Ennio Morricone
5 – Bassano del Grappa, IT @ AMA Music Festival
6 – Milan, IT @ I-Days

% = w/ Pond and Gut Health
& = w/ The Chats, Spiderbait, Pond, Gut Health, and Lola Scott
^ = w/ Pond and Earth Tongue
$ = w/ Spiritualized
* = w/ The Struts
# = w/ Royal Blood

Music News: The Hard Times Do Real News As Well Now

Yes, The Hard Times have a real music news section now, but you don’t need to freak out.

Make sure you check out more of the content we have via our /realnews/ section and if you happen to be a pro wrestling or combat sports fan you can check out my own site FightFans.

Punk Benjamin Button Born With Weird Rockabilly Phase

Posted on January 31, 2024 by Chris Bowen

BRIGHTON, N.J. — Local medical marvel Rex Reynolds was reportedly born with a rare condition that made him a fan of rockabilly culture from birth, which was expected to pass after a period of time, several sources reported.

“It’s really the most curious case that I’ve ever seen in my three months as a pediatrician,” Dr. George Alan said. “Normally, when punk couples have kids, the child has a whole life of chaos ahead of them. But in this case, little Rex seems to be doomed to drag racing and hollow-bodied guitars from the start. At least for a little while. We don’t know what will happen as his life progresses, but we can assume this phase should start to fade by the time he’s 47, which by then he will be exclusively pissed off at his parents, listen to Linkin Park, and wear a chain wallet. At that point, he’d basically be equivalent to a 12-year-old.”

The child’s mother Cynthia Reynolds was initially shocked at her son’s condition.

“When the doctor brought out baby Rex from the paternity ward and I saw his little pompadour and Bettie Page forearm tattoo, my immediate thought was, ‘I knew that brief Stray Cats kick would come back to haunt me,’” Reynolds said. “But now I regret all those feelings and I realize that our baby boy is truly something special. How many other parents can say their toddler has been in four tethered knife fights while in daycare? The main downside is that the only thing that’ll get him to stop crying is showing him pictures of classic cars and bowling shirts. This is one of the more embarrassing parts of motherhood.”

Dr. Alicia Amjad, a medical expert in the world of human birth defects, says cases like the Reynolds child are rare, but not unheard of.

“There have been some very notable cases of children being born with anomalies that reflect the subculture of the parents, but it’s sometimes sadder when it doesn’t happen,” Dr. Amjad stated. “For instance, metalhead couples with long hair and Slayer shirts will often be horrified by the fact their child is born bald and wearing nothing at all. It usually takes several hours to explain that’s how all people are born, but they refuse to listen to anything other than Slayer most of the time. There’s no helping them.”

At press time, the child was spotted creating an upright bass from rubber bands and a shoebox.

Red Flag? My Doctor Does Unboxing Videos

Posted on January 31, 2024 by Doug Kolic

I’m usually a pretty laid-back guy and take things as they come, but it’s tough putting trust in my new Otolaryngologist. While I was doing my due diligence looking up their credentials online I discovered a treasure trove of strange unboxing videos from a YouTuber named “EarNoseThroatGoat.” It turns out that the guy who is about to do my biopsy, Dr. Hanson, has a small following doing this niche content. That’s gotta be a red flag, right?

I get that some people need a side hustle to make a little extra cash or some folks want to try their hand at content creation as a fun hobby, but the fact that a supposed healthcare professional who I’m entrusting with invasive procedures spends his time filming hundreds of YouTube videos unboxing random shit instead of spending more of his time, I dunno, healing people, makes me nervous.

Perhaps if he were reviewing stuff related to the medical field like first aid kits or defibrillators I would feel a bit more comfortable, instead of the numerous videos he has unboxing everything from European BDSM gear, to sneakers he ranks based on their “stealthiness.” Who is he trying to sneak up on? He even has one video where he opens a bunch of “Yu-Gi-Oh!” and his genuine excitement for the product makes me wonder if he ever actually attended medical school.

Okay fine, maybe unboxing videos on their own isn’t that weird and I’m just stressing myself out for no good reason. But then what about all these ASMR videos I also discovered where he’s dressed up like a cat, sipping milk slowly from a saucer? I’m not here to kink shame anyone, but this is the last thing I need to see before I go in for my stapedectomy.

Maybe I’m being a prude and should just trust this guy to do his job. After all, it’s gotta be possible for doctors to have unique interests outside of their chosen fields. Who cares if those interests involve them unboxing pleasure whips from Estonia, or making whisper porn videos of them purring like an exotic shorthair. The important thing is that they’re professional and know how to operate the giant probes they are going to use to enter me while I’m unconscious.

On second thought, maybe some calming ASMR videos might be just what the doctor ordered before I pass out from fear.

Mosh Pit Significantly Less Appealing After Being Kicked Off Parent’s Health Insurance

Posted on January 31, 2024 by Sara Božin

LOS ANGELES – 26-year-old punk Max Goldstein unfortunately sustained an injury in a mosh pit immediately after being kicked off his parents’ insurance plan, concerned sources confirmed.

“Yeah, it was nuts. My friends and I stopped by a house show the day after my birthday. I decided to go into the pit, like I always do. When someone just barely brushed past me, all of my bones immediately turned to dust, “ said Goldstein solemnly. “They had to stop the show, turn the lights on, and sweep the remains of my skeleton into a dustpan. The paramedics were no help: they just said ‘aw man, that looks bad.’ Then they handed me my bone dust in a ziplock bag, shrugged, and left. Ever since then, mosh pits have sort of lost their appeal.”

Rachel Cifuentes, a 25-year-old friend of Goldstein, was also present at the house show where the accident occurred.

“I was shocked to see it happen, not gonna lie. Max usually dominates the pit. But I’m sure he’ll be fine in a week or so. I’m not really sure how all of that stuff with insurance works, but how expensive could a new set of bones possibly be?” Cifuentes said obliviously. “I still have another year before I have to worry about any shit like that. And like, you can just go to Home Depot around Halloween and buy a whole skeleton.”

Insurance specialist Brad Elrod was able to provide some expertise on the way that the American healthcare system typically works.

“Usually when someone sustains an injury of this nature, many insurance companies will resist coverage due to bones being a pre-existing condition. If you’re lucky, you’ll be referred to a specialist with a two year waitlist,” said Elrod. “At your appointment with the specialist, they’ll perform an exam where they’ll have you put on a clown nose and dunce cap. Then they point and laugh and say ‘ha ha, look at this guy, he has dust for bones!’ And then they’ll charge you six million dollars.”

At press time, Goldstein remains hopeful that he can just take some ibuprofen and walk it off.

Photo by MG Ommert.

Elon Musk Introduces Neuralink Premium Which Allows Recipients to Maintain Basic Function of Limbic System for Additional $8 Monthly

Posted on January 30, 2024 by The Hard Times Staff

FREMONT, Calif — Neuralink owner Elon Musk announced Neuralink Premium which will allow anyone using his implantable brain–computer interfaces to maintain basic bodily functions for $8 a month.

“This is a big step forward for humanity. If things keep moving forward at this rate then this will be a consumer product anyone can have lodged in their brain in less than a decade. Just think how easy it will be to turn on your television just by thinking ‘turn on television.’ No more reaching upwards of three feet away for remotes, or yelling things at your smart TV,” said the world’s second-richest man. “And we will also have a premium package that guarantees we won’t remotely shut down your limbic system for the low monthly price of $8. This gives you full access to your long-term memory, sexual stimulation, even your sense of smell. We are already working on a Premium+ package that will use AI to make you seem more charming when you talk. The AI has been trained off of my daily banter with friends, so you are guaranteed to be more popular.”

Neuralink employees are already being instructed to push the paid packages on potential customers.

“I’ve worked as a neurosurgeon for nearly two decades and was excited to work with a team of dedicated professionals to improve the world. But for the past few months I’ve been forced to send emails to the people on our waiting list about ‘Exciting new features,’” said Dr. Anjana Patel. “I should have known this was going to problem when Mr. Musk sent us all shirts that said ‘Let’s get some brain.’ I know what that means, and it has no place here.”

Critics are expressing concern over the new technology.

“There is a chance that the Neuralink chips could provide great benefits to people who have lost function of limbs and it may give them a greater sense of independence. But also there is an even better chance that Elon could use this technology to automatically beam a meme into your brain that he thought was funny,” said Collin Semper, who heads a watchdog group focused on medical technology. “Or even worse, every time you try to picture something in your mind’s eye it just plays a full episode of Tucker Carlson’s talk show that you can’t shut off.”

At press time, Musk said the first human recipient of the Neuralink chip is healing up nicely and showing no signs of the woke mind virus.

Whimsical Punk Mouse in Children’s Book Lives in Marlboro Red Carton

Posted on January 30, 2024 by Ryan Dondero

KERFUFFLEVILLE — Bozo, a punk mouse living in the fictional children’s book town of Kerfuffleville, has reportedly taken up residence in a Marlboro Red carton, confirmed a whimsical assortment of anthropomorphic animals.

“I’ve been riding the rails and drifting from town to town. I finally landed here and I want to settle in, maybe start a band or something,” said Bozo, stretched out on a long discarded baby sock with a half-eaten piece of Gouda in his mouth. “I have lived in a ton of different places over the years, shabby boots, rotten cantaloupes, inside perfectly arched mouse holes, but this is the best spot I’ve ever been in! It’s roomy and smells like moldy cigarettes. Honestly heaven for a guy like me.”

Caitlyn Cat, a long-time resident of Kerfuffleville, has noticed the newcomers and is concerned about what the arrival of various punk critters might do to property values.

“It’s an invasion, if you ask me. Every day I watch them scurry off boxcars and take refuge in any detritus they can find. These ‘punks,’ if that’s what you want to call them, stay up way past bedtime, cuss, and drink soda pop on street corners downtown,” said the exasperated Cat. “And no matter what I say to the mayor or city council, they won’t do anything about the illegal music venue these critters have set up in an abandoned umbrella warehouse. They’re hanging up their obscene concert fliers all over town!”

Mr. Bear, the mayor of cute little town, understands the concerns of some citizens but contends that the influx of youngsters is helping jumpstart the local economy.

“Look, everyone knows this city was hit hard by the closure of the ladder factory, and I understand that some of our residents are upset with all the new folks coming to town,” said Mr. Bear. “And yes, we’ve had some issues with some ‘punk’ critters being loud and disorderly. That being said, we’ve seen a revival of our downtown area. Coffee shops and art galleries have begun to open, and Kerfuffleville is getting a reputation as a ‘hip’ place to be. So yes, are some of the fliers with band names like Gobblegoop, Terd, and Toilet Paste obscene? Sure. But we have to weigh the good with the bad.”

At press time, Bozo was questioning whether his roommate Lenny Lizard liked thrash band Burp Poop and challenged him to name three of their songs.

Opinion: My Favorite Hometown Dive Bar May be a Panera Bread Now, But That Won’t Stop Me From Getting Absolutely Shit-Housed and Crying in the Parking Lot

Posted on January 30, 2024 by Robert John Scucci

They say that home is where you make it, and when I found out that my favorite hometown watering hole was replaced with a Panera Bread, I decided to put the sentiment to the test. I had to pour one out for Splunky’s, but I really ended up pouring out like 14. Hell, most of the time my buddies and I would be half in the bag before even arriving on dollar draught night. Just because the good old days are long gone doesn’t mean I can’t turn it up and have an unforgettable evening of my own design.

Luckily, I always roll in style, and I already had my Giant Jenga set in the trunk of my Corolla. I would have busted out the cornhole, but my roommate back in the city needed to borrow it for a hometown visit of his own. I called up all of my best buds from back in the day, but I forgot that we all live in different states now. But hey, there’s nothing wrong with having a solo night of debauchery. I figured I’d even make a couple new friends along the way.

So naturally, I started pregaming in my car, and shotgunned a few Twisted Teas to really set the mood. But beforehand, I grabbed a couple of those Charged Lemonades from the drive-thru so I could keep the buzz going well into the night. It’s not quite Four Loko, but it got the job done.

When I finally had a good buzz going, I quickly realized how different things really were. If we were still raging at Splunky’s, everybody would have died of laughter when I threw $20 into the TouchTunes and played nothing but “Wonderwall” for three hours. But blasting it from my car stereo had a polarizing effect, to say the least.

I had to sober up, and fast. “Get me out of here!” I said to no one in particular. “I mean, I need some of that soup in a fucking bread bowl…. stat!” But the kitchen was closed, which threw me into a rage and made me want to storm out and call my ex-girlfriend, which I did like 23 times in a row until she picked up.

Turns out drunk dialing somebody you dated for three weeks over 12 years ago is less of a crowd-pleaser than Liam Gallagher.

Sobbing uncontrollably in a drunken stupor, I wallowed in self-pity and gently pissed my pants. But then I had an epiphany: it wasn’t Splunky’s that made me feel so alive when I was younger. It was public recreational substance abuse.

Next time I go visit my folks, I’m gonna check out that new Lowe’s they broke ground on last week.

Los Angeles Police Budget Allocates $50,000 For De-Escalation Training, $1 Billion For Escalation Training

Posted on January 30, 2024 by Stephen Bell

LOS ANGELES — The Los Angeles Police Department announced that in response to requests from the public they are now allocating $50,000 of their budget towards de-escalation training while maintaining the normal $1 Billion they use for their standard escalation training.

“I’m glad we were finally able to get some resources for these valuable techniques in the budget,” said de-escalation counselor Luigi Prestifillipo. “I kept advocating for getting some sort of training for our officers and how they should learn how to bring a situation down to a simmer before it all boils over and suddenly your kitchen is filled with hot pasta water and you’ve scalded your arms and you need to shoot your way out. But they kept telling me ‘It’s not in the budget’ to which I was like then put it in the budget you mook! You’ve got $1 Billion advocated for how to kill people, maybe send me a few bucks and we can save ourselves some money on these police brutality lawsuits. It’s good to know that they’re finally pretending to listen.”

Longtime LAPD member sergeant Kevin Polanski was less than receptive towards having to take this extra training.

“You really expect me to take 1 hour a year out of my busy schedule to come and hear some guy tell me I shouldn’t be clubbing people who can’t pack up their tents fast enough?” said a clearly miffed Polanski. “The whole thing really hurts my brain too because after being taught that everyone is a threat and should be treated as such, now they want to tell me that sometimes people desperately need help and I need to show empathy? Like do they want some old lady skulls bashed in or not? Because I have and I probably will continue to crush old lady skulls.”

Chief of Police Michel Moore clarified that the de-escalation program wouldn’t get in the way of the LAPD doing their normal job.

“Before I hear any complaints about this from the union I want everyone to know that everything will be business as usual,” said Chief Moore. “See someone of a different persuasion in your rich neighborhood? Is there a homeless guy sleeping outside your store? Are there people just minding their own business standing around? Well don’t you worry. The LAPD is ready, sort of willing, and well-trained to come and turn these situations into events that will end up causing days of public protest. No de-escalation course is going to change that.”

At press time, sources confirmed that the police union was able to whittle the training down from a 1-hour course and turn it into a small pamphlet no one is expected to read located next to the trash can in the break room.