DUXBURY, Mass. — Members of suburban punk band Trash Pirates shocked the underground music world by openly thanking their parents’ money in the liner notes…
ROKEBY, Neb. — Residents of a sleepy Nebraska town are living in fear of a teenager who recently transformed into a full-on hypebeast who will…
BOSTON — Local straight edger Austin Evans quietly formed an undying, eternal bond at a party last night with Tugger Q. Bingley, the cat cared…
BALTIMORE — Former 25 ta Life frontman Rick Healey, commonly known as Rick ta Life, finally noticed yesterday the obvious spelling mistake in both his…
TACOMA, Wash. — Self-described “true” Jimmy Eat World fan Tom Anderson was disgusted to hear early yesterday morning that you enjoy the band’s 2001 hit…
LOS ANGELES — Members of both Linkin Park and Evanescence were just as surprised as anyone else yesterday to find themselves on a playlist at…
OXNARD, Calif. — Local gentleman Jay Deme impressed his new girlfriend Lisa Traynor last night by politely opening up a mosh pit for her to…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local hardcore band Cheapshot’s vocalists Victoria Weiss and Anthony Byers simultaneously launched into separate, heartfelt speeches between songs during a show last…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Total dumbshit motherfucker Bobby Owens attempted to start a circle pit last night during local hardcore band Ripped Together’s obvious two-step groove,…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Aspiring musician Evan Wohrman spent the majority of an hour yesterday weighing the pros and cons of bringing home a pair of…
HARTFORD, Conn. — An elite extraction unit was called in last night to save local hardcore kid Tom Rodrigues from a swirling mosh pit after…
STILLWATER, Okla. — Doorjam guitarist and licensed driver Cory Adams passionately disagreed yesterday with his bandmates on what the phrase “treat it like a rental”…
EL PASO, Texas — Local musician Lenny Windsor was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences today for his part in a wild game of “Fuck,…
WASHINGTON — President Trump reversed this morning an Obama-era policy limiting the amount of guitar solos butt rock bands could include in a single song,…
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. — A 20-year-old threat made by Blink-182 frontman Mark Hoppus about fucking your mom is suddenly more realistic than ever following your parents’…
